Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Just another Story. Part-5

CONTINUED FROM:  
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-1
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-2   
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -3 
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -4

Things started getting well. Anu forgetting her momentary discomfort went to see Rishi in hospital whose condition was serious. This was one of the rare times of Anu's life when things didn't worsen. Rishi convalesced soon, somehow may be due to the mental backbone ,that was once again provided by Anu for her best friend. Life became normal for them, though Anu often thought of the future and could never reach any conclusion. For Rishi , future hardly mattered at present, cause at present he was not able to live without 'her' presence anyhow, a single day.
Life apparently became like before. Though from Anu's side it was never the same. 'Rishu' was
'Rishi' now, 'tere jaisa yara kahaan...' ringtone was removed;which was set for 'Rishu's' calls only.

She had some problem in accepting the fact of her best friend loving her so madly.Rishi's doings and manners reminded her again and again he loves her, but not just as a 'best friend'.
Things were going fine, until Rishi wanted to discuss the fact, that its quiet natural for best friends to fall in love,things turned up in different hues all the more because it was a phone conversation and not face to face.


Rishi(R): See, its nothing bad, its universally accepted that best friends turn best partners.(he was talking not for
persuading her to accept the proposal, he was talking just to make things clear)


Anu(A): Please ,I don't want to discuss this topic. I don't care what the universe says. Universe says many things. It only matters what I think.
It's a sort of betrayal for me.....(Anu's voice  started choking).

R: I don't understand what's betrayal over here.....Listen, I thought over this for long time,then only reached the fact that yes I......

A: Oooo, so you had that intention for long......

R: Ahh..as usual you are not getting me. Intentions remain there where girls are targetted..but I never had anything.I liked
 You in the course of interaction with you... I never started with an intention of approaching you....

A: I donno, You all are same .I hate you people. just get away from my life. If you need me I'll always be there, and if I need you,
I am enough selfish to ask for that.. so no use now in staying in this 'oh-so-precious-friendship'. I don't bother about.....

R: I know you don't bother.I know you can live without those things, but I can't. I know if I move away, you won't be having any trouble. You are
strong and brave,I am not. I'll not be able to take it...

A: (trembling voice,her mind was wandering in search of words).... Am keeping the phone now...

R: Lis..........
Ting.

Half an hour later an sms entered Anu's mobile:

"I hve done big mistakes.Sory fr evrything I hve done in past yrs. sorry for not understanding u ever. i'm really a kid, i never undrstood i wud get such behaviour frm u fr my feelings.bt i cnt resist myself doin dt,srry fr dat also. i ws sufring frm d frustrtion ki, none undrstnds me, now dt wil persist.let it be.i m staying where i am,i m ready to face watevr wil b hapning now,nobody cares. i also dnt care.watevr u wanted things wil b like dat,u cary on.
Good luck L...
take care,bye.
Hope u will be happy from now.
"

For moments Anu was blank.She could'nt follow up what's going on...
Then she smsed rishi,that didn't reach his mobile as it was switched off.
Then she opened up her diary and started writing:

Dear diary,happy new year.
You can never be best friends with your best buddy, after you discover he loves you and you don't have such feelings for him.
And it's worse when you cannot explain to him why you can't be best buddies anymore. But it's a fact, you can't be. You can't be that close to him...you can't discuss things as freely as you used to do earlier.
Cause: You start having the basic tendency of avoiding that person as you do to most people who have feelings for you, but you don't have anything for him.
You become conscious while talking,you become more aware whether your words are taken in other ways, whether your attitude, behaviors, words are hurting your 'once' best friend.
You want to gaurd that person from further hurts. But that person takes it otherwise. He understands, you avoid him only for the sake of yourself, for your own peace.
He hardly understands your emotion . That's not his fault . He loves you.But it's really hard to make him understand your cares and feelings, its hard to make him understand you are his
well-wisher from the bottom of your heart.
When you talk about other guys, your marriage and such stuffs, he somewhere gets hurt,immensely hurt, and you can feel it. But he doesn't understand that you do.
Jokes really doesn't help at those times. And its tough to go on like that. You cannot go ahead, you cannot regress. Ahead you can't go as you have someone else in your mind, you can't regress in the fear of hurting him.
I pray none ever falls in this situation. It's not a matter of loosing love, but it's a matter of loosing and hurting your bestest friend. It hurts like hell.

I chose to walk away from many friends in my life. They were all much beloved of mine, much close to my heart. I loved them all in some way or the other(may be not in the way they wished to be loved).
But I ended up hurting them, which I never wanted to do. They were hurt by me, It was hard for me to accept that particular fact. So I wished they were not hurt any more by me. And so when situations are such , where I can't promise myself that
I'll not be hurting them anymore ,I prefer to move away. I feel sudden death is better than blows in installments. And in these cases where it's pretty sure they will be hurt again in future, I don't dare to take the chance of continuing with them.
They may be sad now, but with time grief will be healed and they will be saved from the worse blow.But they never got the way I love them, never......


The pages turned mushy with teardrops and inks, and rashes of paper. She got up, washed her face, and decided not to cry again, cause she was right, and one day others will surely understand that.

But she was worried as the Rishi's phone was stil switched off.
 That night in her dreams the mighty knight came to bless her with his sword.

Then:
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -6

16 comments:

Yellow Tulip said...

beautiful dear... story gets better with each post.. very realistic.

my best frien says "if u had to love someone (rishi here) jus cos he loves u, then brad pitt wod had to marry his every fans!"...

i liked the decision A took but not the reasons she gave... she doesnt know hw rishi wod really react if she jus said she dint love him n jus move on. who knows he might honor her wish n let his feelings never affect anything. she also refuses to give a chance for him to explain himself, i jus felt like cos of her fears and anticipation of worst possible situation, she's in a way lettin the worse nightmare to come true. doesnt her 'once' best frien relation deserve a chance?... u cant control the way u feel i agree but dont u think its worth fighting for?...

sorry if i was harsh... dint mean anythin harm.. jus ur story is too good:)... makes me wonder all these things!!..

keep penning:) take care...

Raj - Only name sake !! said...

Wooooow!!

The dairy part is very very true and touching .
Excellent post!!

abc said...

awwwwe...life s soo complex indeed...
its painful fr both of dem..

Jogi said...

amazingly wrritten..great !! diary part is too good and its true that its 'diary' only who finally took grasp everything from our heart :) !!!
Keep writing !!

Ashish said...

this again proves that you shouldn't always say the "THRUTH" to a girl... she might not like it...

An Ordinary Gal said...

it was lovely...same feelings which were on my mind when I was in the same situation...so true and the decision taken by Anu is right...It's better to hurt once in comparison to again and again :)

Rohit Dassani said...

Plzzz continue regularly....plzzzz!! Nice one!!

Rajlakshmi said...

the story is getting more dramatic... i hope anu will understand sooner or later :)
touching... and well narrated :)

adreamygal said...

so sweeet..story is turning out to be so beautiful n keeping me hooked too..its true that we can never show our love , as others want to see , but still we love ...sharing with diary part was the best part of the story :)

Vittaldas Prabhu said...

How I missed you at my blog and how I missed your posts here. I am mighty pleased to see a post here and that too the much awaited continuation of this story.

This story is getting better and better. I loved the dilemma, the conflict, and the so beautiful diary entry. It is so real. I am so blown away.

sunil said...

Nicely entwined.
People feel hurt and when that happens, they generally point fingers at others for hurting them whereas the plain fact is.... it is an emotion born out of our unfulfilled expectations.
In the story ,it is rather difficult to understand Anu's psyche, she puts a barricade so that she does not become responsible for hurting others who expect from her , while in her subconscious mind she doesn't want to be hurt.
A line from Graham Greene 's novel came to mind immediately after reading the story "No human can completely understand other and no one can arrange for other's happiness "...., how silly we are to be scared of loneliness.....

Unseen Rajasthan said...

Hi Rimz !! Well this is my first visit to your blog and neither i have read the past part of the Story but this part is fantastic !! I Enjoyed reading it !!Beautiful Story !! Will Be back !

Mahesh Sindbandge said...

I did not expect this story will take a turn this way. Its totally unexpected.

I think in many ways Anu is right in that decision and you could have used her own realization phase to send across the message rather having written in a diary. Thats just a suggestion on using the idea of diary writing. Nothing serious though.

These are the situations when both the sides suffer. One intentionally becomes the victim and second was always the victim.

Very nice move so far.. I would really be glad if you give a happy ending to this story somehow which seems next to imposable now after witnessing so many heart breaks in this story.

Come back with next part soon.

Cheers
Mahesh

AJai said...

Yes... now that was good. Very real.. very believable.. full of feelings, emotions, drama. That was nice.
But get even better k. Looking forward to JAS-6. :)

TELEMACHUS said...

Read all ur story parts in one go...found it really gripping


I am a new blogger in the ckt.need some readers for a boost.Inviting u to my blog
http://www.telemachuslives.blogspot.com

Atulya said...

Nice One.. the way u described the feelings of a girl in diary was really sweet and true.. hope that either of the one understands...

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