Monday, June 15, 2009

saD enD.

Today i had d last exam of 6th sem.
The subj was one of my (few)fav ones.
I had 3 days gap b4 dis one.
Unlike other times ,i studied dis time
For olmost ol 3 days.
Last nite i was awake till 2
which s quiet not-normal for Me
For just b4 d exam day.
I had some awkward dream last nite,
I saw n heard something dat i dint wish to
C or Hear.

Sleep cracked at 7am.!!
The mood was pensive.
Felt some pain seeping down d spine.

I woke n started to mug again,
To Forget d dream(perhaps).
I studied most of d chapters.
Had a nice preparation.
But i left a chapter from which nothin came
In last 5 yrs....

Went to colg early, unlike other days.
Aftr some discussion
Entered d exam hall.
D paper was so bad n
So shocking.
May be, i knew ,dat
Aftr ol d nice papers Board Is
Gonna give a bamboo In
The last One.

But my preparation 'was' soo good.
yet i was not satisfied after d exam...
D hrs finished quiet soon.

I came out a bit groggy.
So many unlike things together .....
Doesnt really give a nice feeling.
Feelin slumped n a bit depressed.
Not a Happy ending..:(

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Mis(s) conceptions....

This is not apropos to be here now for me...perhaps......i kno. Sem s runnin, 1 o'er today, 4 yet to
go. D day aftr tomro is M n MC in which i hve to do well enuf, anyhow....But after comin out frm exam hall today wid some extent of chagrin m here for expressing some of my crap thots .

Today again i feel , frm my early childhood still now i had have so many pet (mis)conceptions(in d sense i love dose.......maybe),dat may b termed 'fads' often.

When i was too young to understand things around properly, thots of becoming best were instilled n gradually infused in me. I thot i was becomin "best"...but beau monde made no mistake in provin my thots wrong in no time......i realised i became some how mediocre. I hated mediocrity......i aimed for top n thrived n believed i'll reach it somehow....d way i wanted it. But again some divine or may be destined providence proved me wrong.....or may b
it was ol my fault....

I used to think till late ,dat, none can think or say bad abt me, coz i nevr interfere in ppl's matrs,question anybdy, n most of d time i remain self-centred.... Agn i was wrong, my evasion, my silence were(rather are) misinterpreted as 'selfishness', 'immatureness' ,'irresponsible' etc. I dnt ask ppl questions in turn of their's , so i m not caring, not understanding n not 'social'......I can say watever i feel (bad or good) abt ppl on dere face so m not typical girlie(as if i m supposed to be one of those 'nyaka' n shy ones)

Got zonked of d garbled whispers olaround.. Ppl's motives started seeming ulterior......n may b me too, to some extent to dem......

Simulated to b normal n sane n fought to b social. Range of ken was yet quiet limited to understand d underlyin ethos....

I thot, (i still think) i loved (or may b love) someone frm early teenage,Got him in late teenage miraculously.Ol pains got alleviated,no more being fugitive....faced d world as it came......but earth rotates n wid it ppl's mind....agn dis time it was my misconception......i realised i was not happy though dis part is not very clear to me confused as ever, donno wat i did, y i did...But ya I did......I was happy to b alone, but d person on d oder end of d road though claimed that his lyf was spoiled by me, is happy now in some way...good, i like it, i olways wished n prayed for it.....some misconceptions r good to be bred....

I used to think still very recent times, dat. i hve seen d worst n d best of d human beings....but no wonder ,d evn best n worst showed up, to my joy(somehow) n resentment respectively, n m sure , superiors or inferiors r still waiting...

Realised , human mind n character is desultory n bettr not to be understood......Some odd bookish n some of Ayn Rand's philosophies started creeping in mind.....n one day via a biological blog i discovered ol my characteristics matches with a 'chronic overthinker'...but i believed myslf to b a superflous thinker only...!!!:P

Today ol dis stuffs r fizzin out frm me , coz today morn i thot i had a wonderful preparation(one of d best in my engg. lyf)...but n my misconceptions.....exam was ok....neither excellent, nor very good....


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