Monday, November 23, 2009

Just another Story. Part -3

Mind out: Just another Story. Part-1
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-2 

Anu was disturbed . She had some family troubles. According to her,her parents were perfectly imperfect for each other. They quarelled and fought with each other so much, that made Anu temperamentally unsuited to family life.The way her father treated her and behaved with her, she couldn't bear it and thought it would be impossible for her in her future to marry and live with some man;when she couldn't tolerate her father's attitude how will she accept someone under the same roof whom she hardly knows. She was avoiding relations and people involved in relations. These reactions in her sub-conscious mind somehow affected her social life.
Everyone started seeming different to her with time.

One of her big problems was turning to be Rishi. She started feeling a difference in him. She felt somehow Rishi was actually wanting to be more than just best friends to her. His touches were different. Those consolating soothing embraces were changing. Rishi has changed - this thought was pinning her constantly. The last day Rishi hold her, she sensed as if Rishi was feeling her, it was not the same friendly hugs; it was different, and Anu didn't like it. But she couldn't tell Rishi anything about this as she thought this might hurt him, in case she was wrong. She was not sure because she had great trust on Rishi, and if it was really like what she was guessing and had felt it would hurt her severely.

As days passed Rishi was more and more in love with Anu. He tried to support her in every possible way. But yes, as he was now in love, things were much different to him, unlike Anu. When Anu and he were close or when she needed his consolations, she was no more his best friend but his inamorata(for him). He hold her the way, he would never let her go away. Anu tried to tear herself away, but in vain;Rishi's strong hands and a burning heart couldn't let her go.

But Anu, inspite of being a modern girl still had some very conservative ideologies. The things she didn't like, none could actually make her like those. The incident affected her. She was creating distance between herself and Rishi, though she herself tried to move the incident out of her mind. She thought, from the next time she'll be conscious and won't let her be that close to Rishi that may cause her later-awkward thoughts and feelings. She also blamed herself somehow for her ill-feelings towards her best friend. Rishi was quiet able to understand how Anu was trying hard to avoid interactions with him, but he could hardly make out what it was. The last day they met ,she didn't even bid a good bye to him, nor looked at his face. This hurt him severely.he kept on wondering what was disturbing her.

Anu believed in platonic relations. She coludn't protest when Rishi was in her love , but she didn't like his 'that way' approach. Anu doesn't look on intimacy as a guilt, but according to her 'that'sort of closeness without one's will was never to be welcome.

Anu was once again breaking down as she was moving away from Rishi. In middle of the night she cried aloud 'Rohit where are you?Why you came to me? I ask you only this cause I can't blame you for leaving me,I know I was somehow wrong....Rohit...Rohit.....' .She tried to gather her lost strength from Rohit's name. He was not in her life anymore, but for Anu he was just ubiquitous as always .

Mind out: Just another Story. Part -4
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-5

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Bad time again.

Again that particular bad phase of life has arrived. The weather is soo nice, winter just coming, no fan, and the cosiness of sheets, shawls and blankets luring mind.. But sem is hardly 3 weeks away(We don't know the date yet, our university discloses the sem date just 7 or 8 days before , pathetic..!) .Well this is my 2nd last semester of my graduation.Yet its no less horrible than others.
As its the last year, we have so many non-departmental subjects. In a way I hate them sometimes..
Engineering economy and financial management one of the horrendous subjects. Cashbook, passbook,trial balance, balance sheet etc etc etc..oh my god...all alien things. and we (inspite of being being science students)are supposed to  mug up all those. The terms only seem alien. And under one subject theres basically two subjects, economics is also there, uffff....and its not possible to give stress on a part, as we never know
whats going on in the paper setters' mind. Its pathetic.
And as the sem approaches I just feel al the more sleepy and hungry....
As I start reading, I feel like sleeping and soon I do fall asleep and when the mozzies ('3 mistakes' term for mosquitoes..:P) awake me I feel hungry. But often if I don't get anything or anyone at home, I switch on the music or computer or sit with another story book.
Engg. ethics is a subject and when I open the book I feel I know all those and when I see the previous years' question paper I feel sick. They give questions worth 15marks each and many of them have no part markings...:(...history..history mind aches thinking of my future hand pain..:P

Machining, material science are interesting but I forget what I read last when I read the new topics..
Operation research and industrial management(OR &IM)  is another subject...well operation research is almost done, but IM part....its a big fat book itself and all theory and no makes me feel sick..

And theres project works-mine being design of truss. Our group almost completed the theoritical calculation parts but, another teacher declared that,that will not do properly and we need to do a practiacal and proffessional ,with all the loads brought under considerartion(wind, living,self-weight etc etc) and that again put fresh loads on us... Over loads take me to the stage of fatigue, hope its not 'failure'.:P

Ahem..god save me this sem(as he does often..:))

Award time.

Another award. Its long I am getting awards but not giving anyone..:P. So deceided this time to award some people, though I don't like the concept of awarding a few and not all.
Rohit Dassani has awarded me this one.Thank you Rohit.

Yet the rule goes.. But before bestowing the award according to rule I am to unfold '7' that none knows about me(You need to do the same when you get this award.). Well thats a bit hard, cause I am an
extrovert person and theres almost nothing and listing '7' such stuffs is a pretty hard job.. And being such an extrovert even if such things remain which none knows,well, then perhaps none is supposed to know.:P
Well let share with you somethings that you are not supposed to know:..:)[now happy..??:)...]

1.I was born as a premature baby and there were rare chances of my existance.
2.I did and do things which shock many people.
3.People says(rather claims..:P) they love me for my weirdness.
4.I became a story-book-worm only after my 10th std(i.e the time when i started hating study-books..:P).
5.I am a very selfish person.But I help and am always with people who are with me.I hate charity.
6.I am very short-tempered.I get angry even if any of my family members touch the morning newspaper before me.
7.I dream to lead a very luxurious life, but alone.

Well I am done over with the worst part.. Now the award ceremony... A huge round of applause for alll of you....
The award goes to:
chocolate lover,
Mahesh Sindbandge,
Being Pramoda...,
Vittaldas Prabhu,
Yellow Tulip ....

Well thats all for now, Congratulations to all...Best of luck keep writing.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Train of ThoughtS

So many things moving around in my head, yet I am not writing for quiet a long time. Because I was not in the mood for writing, I was actually busy doing one of my most favourite thing...simply being lazy. Everyday I thought of writing, yet I didn't feel like typing .
I felt like talking with people. But unfortunately (or may be fortunately) there's none around  with enough patience to listen to my whole range gripes and tripes.
Here in blog at least I can express my words and some nice people reads my blogs and praise my writings, which I never thought, could happen.

Just a few days back(when I was in my lazy phase) I read a book We The Living  by Ayn Rand. Loved it , loved it very much. Its about post effect of revolution in Russia, but it was a very romantic one. But the thing is that , the book has infused a typical anti-communist mentality in my head. Now I hate communism(well its not like that, that I was a huge patron of communism before reading the book; I just developed a sort of hatred towards communism after reading the book). Well, on this topic I remember one thing, I have got very much influenced by various people and books many times in my life.
Ayn Rand in her writing presents her own convictions, which are , not a bit, but quiet a much deviated from normal thoughts.
Communism is the ideology , where there will be no classes in the society, there will be no distinction between a worker or a manager and everyone will be the owner of every organisation , with everyone working as much as they can, but will be earning on the basis of what they need, Not what they deserve.
I don't think this thing to be a bit practical. Its not possible to work as much as one can, most of the times, and again its a sort of injustice to give one what he needs, not what he deserves. All human beings are not equal, everyone's intelligence or physical strength is not equal, everyone's ambition is not equal. Communism is a barrier for the outstanding; if he wants to do , own something then it will not be his' but all's. Is it possible? Is it acceptable?
So, stratas in society is quiet obvious.
I do agree , capitalistic society is most often excruciating for the subordinates, since the owner desires the maximum possible benefits,but I don't think communism is the solution The one who is working hard and the one not doing so can never own equal possessions.
Why on earth do we live for?For whose sake? Ourselves. Living is self-reverence.
So, I don't understand the ideology of not doing what one wishes to,and of not getting the full one deserves.


Another thought was moving around, in my head....escapism and hedonism.
Well, I think I am a hedonist, I do most of the things for myself, for my happiness. I try to live my life keeping myself happy. For being happy it is often required to be a escapist. Don't you agree ?
Interaction with someone makes you sad? Do you prefer to say you, an escapist when you avoid that person? May be yes, but I don't see anthing bad in it, cause its done just for self. May be often its termed selfishness. Well, aren't we really meant to be so? We have only one life (that's even predicted to end on 2012...:(.. hehe.) so we should live on our terms and for our goodnesses and joys. Also there's a controversy regarding this, in my head. If someone gets joy always doing harm to the others, then what will happen to others.?! Well, I really don't think anyone can get true joy by doing intentional harm to others.


Now , a poem, that was in mind for a time, but today the Bryan Adam's songs instigated me to write it.

You loved me, you said you do so.
I was in love,
Enough, enough to be blind in that.
Now I often think,
What you did.!
You loved me, or Always just
Wanted me to love you?!

I am not blaming you,
Not a bit,
I don't even dare to do so.
I just still love you
As it was years back,
I will love you
As it was years back.

I walk the life
With my shadow
But I am not alone
The memories I still cherish.
I don't need others' love,
I now hate those
Who Claim they love Me..!!
I prefer to be alone.

I am alone, not lonely,
I am alone, by choice,
Not by Chance.

I still love you,
The only difference is
I want you nomore.
I need you nomore.
I see you nomore.


Ahhh, I am feeling so light after saying(oops writing!) soo much..:)


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