Monday, June 30, 2008

Unsolvable BIAS...

I, rather all of us have thought on this topic, m gonna discuss now ;at a time or the other. May be under the pressure of circumstance or just like that. But am sure all have thought on the topic:

WHO is BETTER ??? MAN or WOMAN????

Well , I will make an attempt to discuss the topic , at the end may not be able to draw a proper conclusion, or may be proper conclusion is not possilble on dis topic.

I studied in a famous CO-EDucation school upto class X. And had huge number of 'friends' who were 'Boys'. As in our school the number of boys far surpasses the number of gals.
In my home too, my parents are quiet very broad minded and liberal. They never scolded me or gave me red eye due to the phone calls of the boys, their visit to my place or the reverse.
They always , rather most of the time had kept n still(this word 'still' is of quiet importance, to which i'll come in due course)keeps full faith on me , as they have always well taught me , evrything has its' limits, which is better not to be crossed.
At clss VIII , in our cls we had some 10 gals in a section of 45 students, but the ratio further decreased in cls X , due to further division of sections(dis was done for givin more attention to the students....!!!!!) .Ok, den we had 4 girls out of 34 students in our section.
I never had any problem with guys, and m not at all shy to say i liked the boys' company more for their mentality, AT THAT TIME. May be coz, at that time i was tomboyish to some extent n was only concerned about my studies n all , n nevr pay heed to what others used to say.
Nways, still now I give a damn to what others think about me.
I always competed with the boys, nd beated most of them(well, in academics n stuffs related to academics only, m too bad in games n sports....!!!).My joy lied in dat.
May be in my subconscious i used to be gleeful at the fact of defeating the so-called superior sex.
But My fate nevr gives me a long lastin joy:(, as i hve already said in my last blog..)

I donno, its' still my life's biggest curiosity: how i did soooo verry bad in my board exam, that changed ,rather according to me spoiled rest of my life.I expected something around 87%-88%.But ended in gettin a staggering 80%.
I broke down like hell. All dose whom i always used to beat, not only those, ppl who used to stay far behind me, beated me.i was shattered.Ppl say wen u get a shock, u gain the potential to do bettr.Well, dat never happens with me :( :( :(
However, to others it(the result) was "not bad",to some it was "not upto the mark", some said" u should have done better".....
ppl's dis dialogues r jst too annoyin n irritatin to me, i jst cant take dem...

Nways my result was enuf to get admission in a so-called 'good' nd'reputated' school.
I took admission in a school.The school is a girls' only school.
I had tremendous trouble in adjustin truely, n in two yrs of my +2 i hardly did adjust.
It was too suffocating for me with gals alaround.Ppl used to rather still will bend deir lips hearin or reading dis.
All the girls seemed so sick to me,man..ufffff....
They n deir typical girlie nakhras, their Sydney Scheildons, their 'boyfrnds', the movies, their dressing sense~~ ohh god they used to come to school with make ups(kajals n lipsticks).
I often felt likin slappin hard a few of dem.nways i nevr did so ..hehehe...
nways i always had some sort of probs wid someone or the other.
i hated goin to school.Only one was dere i liked , still my besto frndie sagnika, she was a real sweetheart.
Nways dat way i started realisng ~ how mean , how cheap, how SELFISH,How satanic, how stupid, how damn idiotic n how bitchy girls can be...n may learned some of dose characters to some extent tooo, hehe, dnt get afraid.
I still get annoyed remebering those days.
There are several bitter incidents with the gals, which i dnt wanna discuss, rather evn remember.
Well, on dis context i shud say aftr takin admission in this girls' school only i came to kno about the concept of "L * S * O" and "G * Y".B4 dat i had no idea abt how can two guys or two boys like each other "dat way"......
As i already spoiled my life in frustration of Xth std board exam, it was pretty hard for me to come out with flyin colors in XIIth.I did a so so result(just 70%), which my parents said was quiet very fine, aftr what i did in my two years.Well, its worth mention in dis two yrs i dint have much contact wid my old school pals or much boys, except a few tuition ones...
After quiet a lot of turmoil and a number of Entrances another Dream of mine shattered..
I dreamt of Becomin a doctor ONCE UPON A TIME.(I got a rank though, may be which would have made me eligible for becomin an ayurveda or Unani doc..Well, i was no way interested in dat, and none includin me was ready fr takin another yr prep fr d medical)
And always wished ki , i dnt bcome an engineer.But it was my fate.
Aftr lot of the turmoil I went for councelling for ENGINEERING, and chose MECHANICAL ENGINEERING.
Well, still now it was the best option for me den, dat moment.
I took admission.

1st day of college.7th August 'o6: I went to colg n went to my room n took a seat.
Aftr quiet a time teacher came with attendance sheet.He bagan to call our names.
Roll call was complete.
To evryone n evn to the teacher's utter surprise it was discovered i was the only GIRL out of the 66 students of the 1st yr, Mechanical department.
Now , another story begins.
It's almost like a boys' dept, m only being sitted like a doll uprite dere.
Well, i never felt like dat sick as i used to feel amongst those GIRLS.
I will never deny in my life uptill now , Boys can be ur best frnds.
They really help a lot, wenver one needs.
This may be visible in a thronged bus in afternoon or may be any time , where children droops with heavy school bags, nd Ladies takes deir mid-day nap nd boldly regret holdin those bags even.gents definitely takes the bags n often let others sit.
Women around world are shouting"MEN AND WOMEN ARE EQUAL".
Den y da hell are we again shouting for "RESERVATION"..?????!!!!!
This proves women are not enough Confident about themselves nd their potential.
Wel, i my self m not confident n always remain confused n dwindle between options..:( :(
I do agree, exceptions are there.

C d guys, I really endy dem,How boldly dey can cheat in sem n evn internals..:P...i cant still now, after spendin 2 yrs in a dept of boys.
Howevr, we shout we hardly can beat dem in dese matters~well its my viewpoint.Other scools of thought are always welcome.

I am a girl.
So, now lets come to the BADS OF MEN.:) :)
Most of them are insensible,adament, arrogant(not all),(TOOOOOOOOOO) impatient and lacks sense of situations(means where exactly to say wat), thinks them overcool ,oversmart, overconfident and have n irritaing habit of knowing "EVERYTHING" or "NOTHING" on earth.
watevr u say ,u can quiet expect a "ha ami jani to " frm dem, or sometime evn annoying " ami to kichu e bujhte parchi na..!!.".They are always extremist~~ RED ya BLUE, nevr VIOLET evn for the sake of pleasin others.Ohhh ..Gawd...
I m pissed of by these characteristics of MEN.

MY BELOVED DAD: I do respect him and love him alot as my dad.I respect his moralities nd principals.But he never in his lyf tried to understand my mom~ thats where my grief lies.
He is too short tempered n aftr a hectic wen comes bak come, hardly anyone of us dare to face n talk to him properly.

MY SCHOOL, COLLEGE FRIENDS(boys): Well, they are like my oxygen.After colg m agn in well touch wid my old school pals due to my dear dear Moble.
But i really often dnt get dem. Why dey use so much of slangs, man
?????????????????~~ many of whose meaning are also unknown to dem evn.n spare me, it seems i hear new ones daily....

But they use those whether to call someone, in joy , in anger ,in frustration or in grief.By colg tym dose "asterisked " words are indispensible part of their souls...
I just hate it.

MY BROTHER:Perahaps he is a bit young for bringing under dis bias, for he is in VIII only.
But he do have the typical male characters profoundly in him, like dominating others n such.

MY LOVE: I used to love(still love),rather liked someone frm cls VII, widout any knowledge of him.But wen there was 'almost' no more hope n 7 yrs passed widout any sort of any contact,suddenly thru a social site i found him out.It deserves special mention, it was not an accident ,i intentionally n after much labour found him out frm the crowd.
well, He recognised me n gave his no. in his own will in 2nd chat onlyby himslf(I NEVR DID ASK FOR DAT)..!!!
wat next?????
well, perhaps u can guess , perhaps u not.
He proposed me widin 2 mnths, n obviously it was accepted frm my side.
He was,rather is n will be the only spcl onein my life ,but He had an Ex gf(Oooops, sorrry 1st love),whom he left .....Y??
Lack of patience.....[due to some reason communication gap took place but the girl nevr declared ki she dint love him]
Well, well ,well......i heard those, suffered frm acute insecurity complex(dats agn too typical of a girl rite?????), but he made me belif he wil nevr leave watevr happens.
I had the nicest moments of my life wid him.
but also the most fiery ,tearful n saddest days came for this relation.....Y?????
It Broke , rather we separated mutually, for avoiding BITTERNESS(But who on earth can avoid dat...!!!!!)
I take 99% of the charge on me for the break up.I strted feelin i m not suitable or responsible enuf to b in a relation, serious enuf like dat.
BUT 1%, wat about dat?????
Obviously his impatience....
Aftr our break his ex(oooops agn am sorry, His 1st love) is back as FRIEND only in his life, for whom n whose friends(4) he spends for movie tickets worth 180 bucks each...!!!!!

He now says he is "CONFUSED".
[ N.B: Not much questions n enquieries from this part will be welcome.].

SOME 'not-so' IMPORTANT GUYS: Well, these comprise those few guys ,who claim they know me very well, and can understand me very well (i dnt biliv dem though, as it is not at ol possible to understand someone fully) and are able to tackle the PSYCHO like me.
They say boldly n keep on saying they l#v# me...
But a bit of my curiosity ,about one them ,showed that he say that words of LoVe to quiet a number of girls....
[If i were not an engg. student , perhaps i wud become a detective].
When i said this to him(i m a very straightforward person) he said he just showed his "cOOlness" to those "babes".......wat to say??!!! i donno...
Now, this person is a bit angry on me me dese days , as i made him fall under d 'not-so' important category.Wel, onething........i liked dis guy quiet a much once upon a time , but aftr his other faces came out.........I donno wat 'exactly' i feel for or about hum...!!! He denies those n i agn have to become the incorrigibly confused gal n inept for dis earth.....
Another one is an online frnd who is diein to meet me, n has fallen in tremendous lOve wid me, widout seeing and knowin me.Wen i asked this guy "tum kab sudhroge???"...
His gallant reply "Kya tum kavi sudhar paoge???" .....
Well, impressive answer though ,i hate the concept of fallin in love wid online frnds, whom u hardly kno, hvnt seen or met evr..

cant continue any more now ,uffffff......
comments n post are always welcome.n i hope to add a few more topics to dis topic in next few days.
Its already too big, n it may elongate more, ...cant help , the topic is only like dat n my thoughts are nevr endin...!!!!!!

gimme a diadem for writing such a long blog......

Saturday, June 28, 2008


To me life is just like this picture........
Cannot exactly determine, what it is, from which way to view from??!!!
I don't know whether this doubt exists in every human mind at certain times or NOT...But it swirls around my mind several times a month, rather a week.May be according to some people i think too much, some may say i think n say rubbish too much.
But being a reader and reading THE ALCHEMIST twice, tried , rather i still try to detangle the knots of life named Puzzle.
I follow my mind being inspired by Santiago, but again after some days i feel, is my mind dictating me the right thing????!!!!!!
My brain shows me different logic.
On my this situation I would love to quote a dialogue from a movie,
"The question will always haunt me.
Abh kya manzil aur kya fasle, lagta hain saab farq mit gaye.Hum apne chahat ko pane ke lie kya kuch nehi karte. Lekin Kabhi saab Dau pe lagakar bhi kuch miley to lagta hain ki, Hum zindegi se yeh to nehi manga tha......."
(now dere is no goal, no gap between the goal, everything has been demolished.To reach our goal we do evrybit. But sometime even if we get some thing after betting our life, we feel, did i really want this ???)
Its soo true na....????
Life has given me the every bit i desired for in my life. i never demanded more from life, I was pleased with my life.
But my life has an habit of snatching away my much desired possessions from me, within a short time.May be in some cases it is my fault.
Its like i desire for a hot cup of coffee in chilly winter evening, and someone gives that to me with much pleasure n make me pleased but within a few secs that person throws ice cubes in it......
What can i do den then other than keeping the cup aside??!!!!
Yeah, time has given many answers, solved many queries .......but still is time always dependable....??!!
Am confused with people's school of thought as well as mine.
Some say Time heals all wounds, some others say one should decide his/her own fate by healing own wounds..
Though am a bit diplomatic on this matter, i live things on time which i really cant tackle, and manage at least try to manage them , what i can....may be thats where the Problem lies...

Saturday, June 21, 2008


"FRIENDS" ~~ So important a word in all of our Lives. Its apparently such a simple word, but it bounds soo much of complexities in with it which may not be visible apparently.
From our early childhood we feel the need and importance of friends in our life.
Firstly as our playmates friends come in our life, then in school and colleges friends are our soulmates. Not seeing them for a day, or not sharing the itsy bitsies of day to day life makes us feel uncomfortable.
Be it boasting, be it advices ; friends' words are always to be considered.
But Do all Friends really LoVe Each other Selflessly???
And what does LoVe in friendship mean???
And lastly the patent and one of the most regular questions...
A girl and a boy can ever be true friends and friends only???
In this post i would mainly like to discuss my opinion about the questions mentioned above by me.I will share some of my feelings and thoughts with the readers.
I dont think TRUE and selfless friendship truely exists these days.I dont deny the helpfulness of friends in the examination hall when a few minutes are left to go, and some pretty marks left unanswered.The friend helps.But theres one condition:
Only if he/she is completed with his/her paper and almost nothing else left to be written by him/herself.
And I dont deny the thing is same with me also,unless and until I have completed my paper with my knowledge and really want ot know something MORE to do better, i will help the friend in the expectation that i will also get some help from that friend.
So, The main thing is Expectation.
This thing is mainly noticeable amongst the college students like me.
LOVE in friendship is a more complex term according to me.
Present age is all about selfishness and self fulfillments.
We need to share our thoughts our feelings, we need some suggestions, we are in troubles and want to go out of it. SO ,we need and take help of FRIENDS.
Same thing vice-versa.
Friendship between girls and boys is a normal terms to me, i find nothin odd and weird in this thing ; may be because i used to be in a co-ed school and now, in my college in my Mechanical Engineering department i am the only girl amongst 72 students. But to many people, not only the old and orthodox, but also in the minds of many youth and educated it is still NOT QUIET AN ACCEPTABLE concept.
I myself am also often confused on this topic may be due to circumstances and others. I can think a guy my friend. But when this guy proposes, the situation changes. And in most cases the guys, who once used to be very very nice and close friend ,after proposing and being rejected turns out to be very bad and also denies to continue friendship as before.This thing has happened quiet 3,4 times in my life.
And i really dont understand this thing.
How can once-very-close friends turn soo very rude and obstinate.
They even dont wanna see my face any more.
One of this guy told me "Friendship has No destiny.Its bound to end. But if u get committed with me the relation will last for ever, but friendship is very shortlasting".
I thought very deeply about this line.
They may be true to some extent but can never be solely true according to me, as I am experienced both ways.I loved some one ,perhaps still my soul loves him, i got him as i was one of luckiest gal on earth ,but lost him due to some unknown reasons.So, it is not true that if you are truely committed, the relation is gonna last forever.
And I have friends whom I know and am intimate from Nursery-I,that we are friends for almost 17 years now.
So, it cant ever be said ki that friendship has no lasting.


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