VIVA-VOCE

The sem-time has come again.

With it ,has arrived the viva-voce....

The incubus of mine.

No other way left other than to

Denunciate own self,

After comin out frm the room,

Acting a dumb.

All the friends before me got

easy questions to answer.

But wen my term comes,

I only get to hear some alien questions

Which obviously i cnt answer.

Donno wats dere in my face

Do i look more intelligent dan d rest??!! :(

Even if by any chance i answer a question,

D questions dat follow, takin to d 'depth'

Of the subject Simply Takes Me

To the state of Languor.

Incognito,incongrous -simply

These words play in my mind

Proving once agn that i m incorrigible now.!!

When on d viva table teacher asks

To derive equations n formulae

Nd draw the resilence graph..;

Aftr turmoil wen something is represented somehow,

That seems a clepsydra to d person in front.

Oh.,..M proud m d new author of that subject,.!!

Some dare to b smart enuf to speak

The wrong munificently....But i feel...as if

I havent yet learnt to speak.

Anyday by anychance

If i give a nice viva

Emulating the fisticuff of the teacher

I go over cloud-9...

but thats quiet a rare incident..!!!

Y dese teachers r not a bit clement..

Dint they face ppl like demselves evr..?

So many friends n foes give me

So many suggestions to face Them,

Nd to efface the fear....

But..

I Always enter the viva-room

With quasi fear,just as before

Nd aftr it come out n rush for quaff..!!!

TeNsIoN

Sem is approaching n m feelin sleepy..
Y does dis time comes...???
Nothin prepared,so much to know..
The syllabus n d big fat books seem quaint;
speak some patois ...

Let the puck sing the psalm for me...
The robot teachers ready
To throw me in the quag.
Wid my puerility i try to regret that fact
Of utter bitterness....

Paucity of knowledge sometimes
Create complex deep inside the mind...
Next moment i get elated
By the thought
the sem-session will soon b over...
The happy days will b Back again

But again the fear of bad result
Gulps the mind
N i try hard to concentrate.
I suceed in memorising......
everything except the words i shud....

God bless me wid an exalted result,dats d only prayer for now. :)

Annoyance.

I am a bit idiotic person...!! I dislike many persons on earth due to various reasons. But few r there, for whom i cant show it, d way i wish to.....
Most people have it.I kno.Krishanu ( a close frnd o mine) had(has) immense grudge on *M* aunty of our beloved alma-mater , n by dis time ,i biliv ,he is able to show it..[:P]
One of such is one of my teachers.Believe me i'll name him publicly as soon as i fix my carrier.Evry other person in d clas instigates me n demselves to hate d person, but i am d victim of his ****nesses n *******nesses most often, being d only gal of my class.
He is one of dose very few persons on earth, who bothers or forces me to curse him....
watevr god save him from our(oops My) curses..
He speaks so utter non-sense n controversial stuffz , ki he himself even cant keep pace wid it: n oder teachers n students go crazzzy due to him, but none can let a single word go out of their mouth.
y????
He is the most 'hyped' n one of the most influential person(uuufff...sorrry 'TEACHER') of the college....:(

GOD BLESS HIM.

Trying to efface the cul-de-sac.

The idiosyncrat is back...
Her life has changed a bit.
People say she has changed a lot.

Ya, she has changed..
Now she dreams again...
Dreams of the 'Perfect world',
which others say, can nevr exist.

But she is nevr appeased.
She hates those creatures who pretend
To bear their name..!

She is no more depressed.
She makes some questions,
dat go unanswered..
So she stops askin those.

She refuses to b d inamorata,
She regrets her former state of inanity.
She is perhaps ,again aftr the ignis-fatuus,
Others only give insinuations
Dat she is severly Wrong.

But she is determined dis time,
To overcome others' thoughts,
And this time she will Succeed
To Efface The Ephemeral Cul-De-Sac.

Me 'n' My World..

My world comprising my dreams really vary a lot from yours. To many it seems very impractical.
Many of the closest pals shouts at me to step out of my Utopian land.

My favourite colour is white. My mom says, thats why there is no colour in my life; though several times i have tried to make her understand WHITE is actually the mixture of all the colours. But she is never ready to accept my logic.

As a child and even now my mentality doesnt match with most of those ppl of my age.To most, i am immatured, childish , irresponsible - who cant accept the reality.

Yeah that is true to a great extent . I always keep on thinking ,things will happen only in that particular ways, in which i would love to see them to happen. But hardy it evr happens so :(



Evry times my thoughts get shattered.
But here i am always denying to come out
of My Utopian land.

As a child i hardly evr played with dolls,
I was something of more serious species.
And as i grew i felt i was not like the rest.
I cant stop sayin what i really feel about U,
may be thats my fault, may b dats my all.
I cant say U 'i like u', If i hate U like hell.
I dare to say U 'i hate u' on ur face'.

I can a wear a mini n a halter-neck,
but yet i cnt say a fake 'I love u'.
I can go for a movie with 5 boys,
Yet i cant give anyone a 'flying-kiss', 'jst lyk dat',
Nor evn i can say a 'muahhh' to any of the 'dudes'.
The one i loved , left me alone,
Yet I cnt forget him and love someone else.

I see ppl around me falling n cryin for me,
Donno dey love me, ya jst tryin to take the Chance.
I see dem agn to flirt with other grls too,
I feel befooled by givin dem my frndship,
by biliving and tryin to feel wat they said.
I bilived dem all..???!!!!
I am such a fool...!!!!!

I am not a kid.
may be my mind hasnt grown yet ,like ur's.
I hvent evr dreamt of my 'Family Lyf' yet;
I cant do dat,
Though i can cry ol nite for my lost love.

May b i am Weird, i cnt accpt the reality.
But i am like dat.
ANd i am happy wid dat.
If i am not good, dnt talk wid me,
I dnt hve any prblm.
But dnt come to tell me to chnge.
I kno wat i am, wat i do.

I dream of my future in
the Brussels' countryside or
in any dreamy valley.
I can live my life alone,
I dnt need a MAN for me.
This hurts the ego of the Man.
He says u r bound to hve a man,
U cant do widout him..!!!

Is that true?
Cant i b alone in the place i want to be
Alone...!!
I dnt need the one who left me To GROW up.
He rather they say i'll grow up one day......
n understand dem ol.,
But wen will They nd U get me..???!!!!!

I dnt need u beside me,
I dnt have any expectation from U.
Bettr u too dnt expect anything from me.
The bonds of relations r not for me.
Perhaps m not made for dem.

I love my loneliness,
Accepting the 'Bliss' of solitude...
I dont need ur damn selfish World beside Me.
I make my world.
I dnt need the one who loves me for some
Self fulfilling reasons, for some purpose,
for the contentment of His desires.

If u can Love me for a reason,
"Let the reason be Love".
Can u love me by Not touching me??
Can u touch my soul widout touchin my body.???
Can u love me "unconditionally" widout seeing me??
Can u forgive all my wrongs??
Can u be right beside me loyal, all the time??
Can u expect Nothing from me??
Can u accept me as i am, dwarf n ugly??
Can u cool me down wen i am angry??
Can u be a part of my dream land??
Can u show me affection like a dad??
Can u adore me like a poet??
Can u let me be, wat i am??


If u cAn , u r welcome To my World.
But i kno U cant.
coz u r not made like dat.
I dnt want u too.
Ur way n mine are different, n never will they merge..

Be happy for dat..
u'll never have to tolerate me n my nuisance.

But let me be Happy in My Utopian land.
Dnt evn dare to pull me Out.
I was born to be here, n
d Day i'll DIE,
I'll go away from here only.
I dnt bother weder u really feel for me...
But dnt say a fake "I love U", to ME.
May be its jst mere 3 words to U.
But it means a Lot to me.

I love myself....Not u..so bettr u also dnt love mE and let me be myself n lemme go my way....

Pessimist

I am a damn Pessimist.

Still now , my blog has really few readers. Hopefully those few will not shut my blog , reading the above bold line.

But the fact is true, dat I am a pessimist. I start evry little bit thing in my lyf with a negative thought . All people around me curse me for this nature of mine. But once and only once I explained to someone why i am so. That person liked or at least pretended ki , he liked my reasoning.

Thats why i want to share my thought with U...

SOmeone ( i cant definitely say,who ) "A PESSIMIST IS AN EXPERIENCED OPTIMIST".

I am a staunch fan of this one liner.

I too used to be an OPTIMIST once upon a time, when i used to have big dreams in my eyes and always worked hard to make my dreams turn into reality.Even after my quiet a few breakage of dreams i continued to be an optimist.

But being an optimist really paid me NOTHING, just NOTHING, except disappointment( hotasha will be a more appropriate word for it).

But being a pessimist helped me lot.I am always prepared for the worst of the situtation. BUT WHY?

Do i really want the negatives to happen?????

NO.

Not at all.Its the deep urge from inside to see and feel the positive ,that keeps the worst in my mind to keep me prepared for the next confrontation, in case the recent one fails.

So, being a pessimist is not being negative, or really wishin n praying for something devastating, but merely keeping the mind prepared, so that in case something wrong goes, the mind dont get a severe shock and be able to stannd up again and face the next battle boldly enuf...

Well, thats my view point .I know most people will not get and readily accepy my viewpoint.

But i cant help it. Am just like that....

MISTAKES.....

Mistakes ~~the name is somehow inspired by Chetan Bhagat's latest novel, but in noway it's contents are related with the novel's ,coz i havnt yet got the chance and time to go thru d Novel.





According to me 'Ideal Mistakes' just like Ideal Gases(following gas law PV=nRT) hardly exist, But 'Real mistakes' do.



By Ideal mistakes ,I mean Mistakes dat seem wrong from all and every viewpoints irrespective of any time.



Mistakes~ It's quiet an ambiguous and apparent term to me. The particular thing which may seem alrite at dis moment may be proved a tremendously wrong one after few moments, may be due to the change of circumstance, time or age. Also the way round i.e a thing thats seeming to be a damn idiotic mistake may be proved a nice decision some time later.
Also the thing varies from person to person.The thing that is pretty nice to me, may be erroneous in some else' eyes; and the thing that is damn wrong according to me, may be OK to you.



So, time plays quiet a vital role in givin the tag 'mistake' or 'right'.






In my life i have done loads of mistakes.......Often it evn seems to me d number of mistakes done by me in my life , far surpasses the number of "right things" done by me.


Well, at times i feel : "no" they were not really wrong ,as i just gave indulgence in watevr my heart said.And the world of famous and evn 'not-so' famous ppl keep on saying "Do watevr ur heart says." Then most of my mistakes are not really mistakes, as i did so only bcz i felt like doing so.




Hopefully m not confusing my readers with my concept of mistakes.



Often ppl say they dont get what i say, or what actually i mean to say. I dnt kno whether it's my mistake or their's. I feel my wavelength does nt match with most of those ppl who dont get me(Pathetic enuf, very very less ppl on earth really do get me except my dearest Mom).



Even ,i often get confused n puzzled n go crazzy to find out wat actually i do wanna achieve.
And my damn hearts stops talkin den..





Often it seems i am very happy and i was just born to be a Mechanical engineer and n just get content with it and enjoying the lessons, other time round, i feel like ,taking up this stream was one of the 'ultra' mistakes of my life..:( :( ......I feel like i m not made for these craps~ forging, welding, gascutting n ol dose stuffz; only My LOrd knows how i manage it ol ...[but ya i feel proud aftr doin dose , which are really often done by galz..:) ].

From quiet my early teenage i believe, rather still believe i loved(rather still love) someone.
It was quiet an "thikthak" thing to me, though others persisted it was just a mere crush or infatuation. i argued them for long hrs, ki it was love, as infatuation cant last for 7 long yrs.
In turn they said : how can i love someone about whom i hardly knew anything, n evn dint memorise his face properly.

But i believed i love him.One day proving all other protagonists of the arguers wrong, fate brought him near me and due to Cupid's conspiracy he became an indispensible part of my life and mind too . But it dint last for long and the relation broke off.Well, again m not gonna start whose mistake it really was.Some of our common frnds say it was mine, some say his, some say bothways, whereas some intellectual hickories opine, it was neither my fault not his, it was the fault of the reLation that was never built nicely .....I go gaga jst hearin awl dese stuffz, but hardly pay real heed to anyone's opinion.Continue livin jst like me. Person on the other end of the relation doesnt hold me responsible for the break up, even admires me for telling the truth nd mind out.


Its almost five months am not in the relation anymore.But i really dont know whether i did a mistake by comin out from the relation.
In due course of time, it has come to my knowledge,that, though my momma liked him, my dad dint like him much.I dint like the later fact.

But m happy neither way actually~ m neither ready to get back in the relation again, nor happy widout him.Now, the question is what was the mistake n where it lied....?!!
I am fed up with my mistakes.....When will they really fade???!!!!






Now, comes a mere incident with one of my closest colg pal(suppose whose name is A).We 'used' to be the bestest of frnds.
But this guy had a typical insecurity complex, that is not quiet very common of boys. We were supposed make a PPT(power point presentation), whose topic was given by our teacher and also the group arrangement was done by the teacher.

Now, this guy got a group in which none of the guys nevr had much interaction with him, and the topic needed much discussion amongst the members.
The topic for my group was "world war II" that was pretty enuf to awestruck me, as i am a Huge dumbo in history(though i managed a modest 80 in my X th std board exam).A guy was in my group who used to be a closed frnd of both me and A.

I was only a bit relieved as this guy of my group said me ki he has quiet enuf knowledge about history and particularly on our topic.

Now Mr. A was not at ol a bit pleased with his group members and topic also.So ,without my knowledge and without evn letting me get a bit hint , he went to the teacher along with the guy of my group(who claimed to kno many things abt history and relieved me to some extent) and another one guy of his choice.They made their 3-musketeers group with the brand new topic "NASA". All this happened on a Friday.

And Mr. A called me up on Sunday and spoke casually, without mentioning anything on that topic .It was only when i said ,ki i was a bit relieved due to the guy of my group, he said me maintaining his casual tone , what 'actually' took place.I felt like shivering and the ground below me shook a little.

I really had nothin to say him. I just cut the fone after a very few formal words, and was almost on the verge of crying as the project was in next 15 days and a huge load was on my shoulder, as none other members of my grp had Internet in their home....

I dont know again, whose fault it really was, may be i expected more from a friend being a friend.but this incident kept me well aloof from these guys for quiet a pretty long time. Now, as i hve already mentioned A used to be the bestest of my frnds, aftr sometime i started talking to him, wen he said he really dint understand, why d hell on earth i stopped talkin to him and avoiding him....!!!!!

Grudges stay in mind , u kno, aftr few days ,in course of a very casual talk we agn had a collision and this time face to face n in words.Mr. A declared he doesnt care whether i talk to him or not, and It was I ,not him who talked first last time...!!!!!!!............This was tooo much for me to bear.I cried in class(How idiotic it was, Crying in colg, dats too in a dept. , where all other student are boys......my gosh).

But i hardly talked to him after this incident , except a few incidents like wishing him happy B'day, best o luck, n exchage of a few words in examination hall(well, by this time its quiet an indispensible thing...!!!:P).

Dont know whose 'Mistake' it really was.

Well, no use now of drivin you nuts now..:P..

Photographic skills of a novice photographer.

Well all snaps are taken by me.I dnt claim ki all of them are good , but i can say i like dem n oders say these are quiet good .
By no means i hve some proper knowlegde of the Art of Photography.
I love it.Its my hobby n also passion at times.So, any comments or ideas on developing my photographic skills are most welcome.
Hopefully none will take dese pics n publish elsewhere widout my knowledge.


Starting with this pic, coz many said this is good.



This is a ship on Arabian sea, couldnt adjust it except this diagonal position.




This is a view of The city of Mumbai from Arabian Sea.



On the way to Elephanta Cave.

Elephanta Cave .

This monkey snatched away this coke bottle from one of our co-visitors at Elephanta cave, n started drinking...So smart...!!!!!

Dusky View of Mumbai.

Can u get a bit deformity in this pic?? The outer borders of the building seems bend, coz it was taken by me from a running bus.

Piya Haji Ali at Mumbai.

Sunset at Calangute Beach, Goa.

Anjuna Beach, Goa., from a bit higher level.

My dear dear bro at Anjuna Beach.The background beauty deserves spcl mention.

View of Vagatore Beach Goa, the landscape is truly photographers' heaven.

Vagatore beach, i really liked to take snaps of this beach in particular.

Vagator beach, again, the palm trees add to the awesome beauty of the place.

Vagator Beach with its tourists.

Tourists havin fun in the sea of Vagator Beach.

Sky kissin the sea,view captured from Aguada Fort,Goa.

Mandovi River flowing by the sleek, leaning Beaties~the Palm trees at Goa.

A fountain(the minute white portions) being captured through the gap of tree leaves.

this pic is captured from train on the way to Madgaon(Goa).

Now, take a closer look of the waterfall.Its also taken from train.

A piece of Heaven.Wanted to get down from train and run to this place wen i captured this view.It was jus awesome...

Again a mindblowing view.wish i could be there now..This is also taken from train.

The train was movin at quiet a slow speed n haltin due to the rugged topography n some problem in rail tracks too.

Well, here ends the pics of TOUR.And now comes some from home n near home destination assorted pix.

My favourite topic of Photography~ SKY.

No two moments where we get the same view.

A part of cloudy n a bit of bright evening sky.

A view of my para from our roof top on a rainy evening.

The refreshing greenieries of our locality after a splash of rain.

Here comes some natural beauties of Botanical garden.

View of River Hooghly from inside of Botanical garden.

Witness of many decades~ the famous Banyan tree's prop roots of Botanical garden.

Identity Lost or Too many identities??????

Distance determines Destination or Destiny .....???

Still lush of greeneries do exist.!!!! Let us make dem stay better for ourselves.

Reflection of the greenery on still water.

Few of my friends, gone crazzy n got bak deir childhood in the lap of mother nature.

C/o-sun.

In the shining shimmering abyss...

Aloye fera.....[back to light].

Ei poth jodi na sesh hoy......

But road ends......

Unsolvable BIAS...

I, rather all of us have thought on this topic, m gonna discuss now ;at a time or the other. May be under the pressure of circumstance or just like that. But am sure all have thought on the topic:

WHO is BETTER ??? MAN or WOMAN????



Well , I will make an attempt to discuss the topic , at the end may not be able to draw a proper conclusion, or may be proper conclusion is not possilble on dis topic.


I studied in a famous CO-EDucation school upto class X. And had huge number of 'friends' who were 'Boys'. As in our school the number of boys far surpasses the number of gals.
In my home too, my parents are quiet very broad minded and liberal. They never scolded me or gave me red eye due to the phone calls of the boys, their visit to my place or the reverse.
They always , rather most of the time had kept n still(this word 'still' is of quiet importance, to which i'll come in due course)keeps full faith on me , as they have always well taught me , evrything has its' limits, which is better not to be crossed.
At clss VIII , in our cls we had some 10 gals in a section of 45 students, but the ratio further decreased in cls X , due to further division of sections(dis was done for givin more attention to the students....!!!!!) .Ok, den we had 4 girls out of 34 students in our section.
I never had any problem with guys, and m not at all shy to say i liked the boys' company more for their mentality, AT THAT TIME. May be coz, at that time i was tomboyish to some extent n was only concerned about my studies n all , n nevr pay heed to what others used to say.
Nways, still now I give a damn to what others think about me.
I always competed with the boys, nd beated most of them(well, in academics n stuffs related to academics only, m too bad in games n sports....!!!).My joy lied in dat.
May be in my subconscious i used to be gleeful at the fact of defeating the so-called superior sex.
But My fate nevr gives me a long lastin joy:(, as i hve already said in my last blog..)

I donno, its' still my life's biggest curiosity: how i did soooo verry bad in my board exam, that changed ,rather according to me spoiled rest of my life.I expected something around 87%-88%.But ended in gettin a staggering 80%.
I broke down like hell. All dose whom i always used to beat, not only those, ppl who used to stay far behind me, beated me.i was shattered.Ppl say wen u get a shock, u gain the potential to do bettr.Well, dat never happens with me :( :( :(
However, to others it(the result) was "not bad",to some it was "not upto the mark", some said" u should have done better".....
ppl's dis dialogues r jst too annoyin n irritatin to me, i jst cant take dem...

Nways my result was enuf to get admission in a so-called 'good' nd'reputated' school.
I took admission in a school.The school is a girls' only school.
I had tremendous trouble in adjustin truely, n in two yrs of my +2 i hardly did adjust.
It was too suffocating for me with gals alaround.Ppl used to rather still will bend deir lips hearin or reading dis.
All the girls seemed so sick to me,man..ufffff....
They n deir typical girlie nakhras, their Sydney Scheildons, their 'boyfrnds', the movies, their dressing sense~~ ohh god they used to come to school with make ups(kajals n lipsticks).
I often felt likin slappin hard a few of dem.nways i nevr did so ..hehehe...
nways i always had some sort of probs wid someone or the other.
i hated goin to school.Only one was dere i liked , still my besto frndie sagnika, she was a real sweetheart.
Nways dat way i started realisng ~ how mean , how cheap, how SELFISH,How satanic, how stupid, how damn idiotic n how bitchy girls can be...n may learned some of dose characters to some extent tooo, hehe, dnt get afraid.
I still get annoyed remebering those days.
There are several bitter incidents with the gals, which i dnt wanna discuss, rather evn remember.
Well, on dis context i shud say aftr takin admission in this girls' school only i came to kno about the concept of "L * S * O" and "G * Y".B4 dat i had no idea abt how can two guys or two boys like each other "dat way"......
As i already spoiled my life in frustration of Xth std board exam, it was pretty hard for me to come out with flyin colors in XIIth.I did a so so result(just 70%), which my parents said was quiet very fine, aftr what i did in my two years.Well, its worth mention in dis two yrs i dint have much contact wid my old school pals or much boys, except a few tuition ones...
After quiet a lot of turmoil and a number of Entrances another Dream of mine shattered..
I dreamt of Becomin a doctor ONCE UPON A TIME.(I got a rank though, may be which would have made me eligible for becomin an ayurveda or Unani doc..Well, i was no way interested in dat, and none includin me was ready fr takin another yr prep fr d medical)
And always wished ki , i dnt bcome an engineer.But it was my fate.
Aftr lot of the turmoil I went for councelling for ENGINEERING, and chose MECHANICAL ENGINEERING.
Well, still now it was the best option for me den, dat moment.
I took admission.

1st day of college.7th August 'o6: I went to colg n went to my room n took a seat.
Aftr quiet a time teacher came with attendance sheet.He bagan to call our names.
Roll call was complete.
To evryone n evn to the teacher's utter surprise it was discovered i was the only GIRL out of the 66 students of the 1st yr, Mechanical department.
Now , another story begins.
It's almost like a boys' dept, m only being sitted like a doll uprite dere.
Well, i never felt like dat sick as i used to feel amongst those GIRLS.
I will never deny in my life uptill now , Boys can be ur best frnds.
They really help a lot, wenver one needs.
This may be visible in a thronged bus in afternoon or may be any time , where children droops with heavy school bags, nd Ladies takes deir mid-day nap nd boldly regret holdin those bags even.gents definitely takes the bags n often let others sit.
Women around world are shouting"MEN AND WOMEN ARE EQUAL".
Den y da hell are we again shouting for "RESERVATION"..?????!!!!!
This proves women are not enough Confident about themselves nd their potential.
Wel, i my self m not confident n always remain confused n dwindle between options..:( :(
I do agree, exceptions are there.

C d guys, I really endy dem,How boldly dey can cheat in sem n evn internals..:P...i cant still now, after spendin 2 yrs in a dept of boys.
MEN WILL BE MEN.
Howevr, we shout we hardly can beat dem in dese matters~well its my viewpoint.Other scools of thought are always welcome.

I am a girl.
So, now lets come to the BADS OF MEN.:) :)
Most of them are insensible,adament, arrogant(not all),(TOOOOOOOOOO) impatient and lacks sense of situations(means where exactly to say wat), thinks them overcool ,oversmart, overconfident and have n irritaing habit of knowing "EVERYTHING" or "NOTHING" on earth.
watevr u say ,u can quiet expect a "ha ami jani to " frm dem, or sometime evn annoying " ami to kichu e bujhte parchi na..!!.".They are always extremist~~ RED ya BLUE, nevr VIOLET evn for the sake of pleasin others.Ohhh ..Gawd...
I m pissed of by these characteristics of MEN.

MY BELOVED DAD: I do respect him and love him alot as my dad.I respect his moralities nd principals.But he never in his lyf tried to understand my mom~ thats where my grief lies.
He is too short tempered n aftr a hectic wen comes bak come, hardly anyone of us dare to face n talk to him properly.

MY SCHOOL, COLLEGE FRIENDS(boys): Well, they are like my oxygen.After colg m agn in well touch wid my old school pals due to my dear dear Moble.
But i really often dnt get dem. Why dey use so much of slangs, man
?????????????????~~ many of whose meaning are also unknown to dem evn.n spare me, it seems i hear new ones daily....
But they use those whether to call someone, in joy , in anger ,in frustration or in grief.By colg tym dose "asterisked " words are indispensible part of their souls...
I just hate it.

MY BROTHER:Perahaps he is a bit young for bringing under dis bias, for he is in VIII only.
But he do have the typical male characters profoundly in him, like dominating others n such.

MY LOVE: I used to love(still love),rather liked someone frm cls VII, widout any knowledge of him.But wen there was 'almost' no more hope n 7 yrs passed widout any sort of any contact,suddenly thru a social site i found him out.It deserves special mention, it was not an accident ,i intentionally n after much labour found him out frm the crowd.
well, He recognised me n gave his no. in his own will in 2nd chat onlyby himslf(I NEVR DID ASK FOR DAT)..!!!
wat next?????
well, perhaps u can guess , perhaps u not.
He proposed me widin 2 mnths, n obviously it was accepted frm my side.
He was,rather is n will be the only spcl onein my life ,but He had an Ex gf(Oooops, sorrry 1st love),whom he left .....Y??
Lack of patience.....[due to some reason communication gap took place but the girl nevr declared ki she dint love him]
Well, well ,well......i heard those, suffered frm acute insecurity complex(dats agn too typical of a girl rite?????), but he made me belif he wil nevr leave watevr happens.
I had the nicest moments of my life wid him.
but also the most fiery ,tearful n saddest days came for this relation.....Y?????
It Broke , rather we separated mutually, for avoiding BITTERNESS(But who on earth can avoid dat...!!!!!)
I take 99% of the charge on me for the break up.I strted feelin i m not suitable or responsible enuf to b in a relation, serious enuf like dat.
BUT 1%, wat about dat?????
Obviously his impatience....
Aftr our break his ex(oooops agn am sorry, His 1st love) is back as FRIEND only in his life, for whom n whose friends(4) he spends for movie tickets worth 180 bucks each...!!!!!

He now says he is "CONFUSED".
[ N.B: Not much questions n enquieries from this part will be welcome.].

SOME 'not-so' IMPORTANT GUYS: Well, these comprise those few guys ,who claim they know me very well, and can understand me very well (i dnt biliv dem though, as it is not at ol possible to understand someone fully) and are able to tackle the PSYCHO like me.
They say boldly n keep on saying they l#v# me...
But a bit of my curiosity ,about one them ,showed that he say that words of LoVe to quiet a number of girls....
[If i were not an engg. student , perhaps i wud become a detective].
When i said this to him(i m a very straightforward person) he said he just showed his "cOOlness" to those "babes".......wat to say??!!! i donno...
Now, this person is a bit angry on me me dese days , as i made him fall under d 'not-so' important category.Wel, onething........i liked dis guy quiet a much once upon a time , but aftr his other faces came out.........I donno wat 'exactly' i feel for or about hum...!!! He denies those n i agn have to become the incorrigibly confused gal n inept for dis earth.....
Another one is an online frnd who is diein to meet me, n has fallen in tremendous lOve wid me, widout seeing and knowin me.Wen i asked this guy "tum kab sudhroge???"...
His gallant reply "Kya tum kavi sudhar paoge???" .....
Well, impressive answer though ,i hate the concept of fallin in love wid online frnds, whom u hardly kno, hvnt seen or met evr..



cant continue any more now ,uffffff......
comments n post are always welcome.n i hope to add a few more topics to dis topic in next few days.
Its already too big, n it may elongate more, ...cant help , the topic is only like dat n my thoughts are nevr endin...!!!!!!
.....AFTER ALL WE THINK,THUS WE BLOG.....

gimme a diadem for writing such a long blog......

CONFUSED WITH LYF AND ITS COMPLEXITIES...

To me life is just like this picture........

Cannot exactly determine, what it is, from which way to view from??!!!

I don't know whether this doubt exists in every human mind at certain times or NOT...But it swirls around my mind several times a month, rather a week.May be according to some people i think too much, some may say i think n say rubbish too much.

But being a reader and reading THE ALCHEMIST twice, tried , rather i still try to detangle the knots of life named Puzzle.

I follow my mind being inspired by Santiago, but again after some days i feel, is my mind dictating me the right thing????!!!!!!

My brain shows me different logic.

On my this situation I would love to quote a dialogue from a movie,

"The question will always haunt me.

Abh kya manzil aur kya fasle, lagta hain saab farq mit gaye.Hum apne chahat ko pane ke lie kya kuch nehi karte. Lekin Kabhi saab Dau pe lagakar bhi kuch miley to lagta hain ki, Hum zindegi se yeh to nehi manga tha......."

(now dere is no goal, no gap between the goal, everything has been demolished.To reach our goal we do evrybit. But sometime even if we get some thing after betting our life, we feel, did i really want this ???)

Its soo true na....????

Life has given me the every bit i desired for in my life. i never demanded more from life, I was pleased with my life.

But my life has an habit of snatching away my much desired possessions from me, within a short time.May be in some cases it is my fault.

Its like i desire for a hot cup of coffee in chilly winter evening, and someone gives that to me with much pleasure n make me pleased but within a few secs that person throws ice cubes in it......

What can i do den then other than keeping the cup aside??!!!!

Yeah, time has given many answers, solved many queries .......but still is time always dependable....??!!

Am confused with people's school of thought as well as mine.

Some say Time heals all wounds, some others say one should decide his/her own fate by healing own wounds..

Though am a bit diplomatic on this matter, i live things on time which i really cant tackle, and manage at least try to manage them , what i can....may be thats where the Problem lies...

Friends

"FRIENDS" ~~ So important a word in all of our Lives. Its apparently such a simple word, but it bounds soo much of complexities in with it which may not be visible apparently.

From our early childhood we feel the need and importance of friends in our life.

Firstly as our playmates friends come in our life, then in school and colleges friends are our soulmates. Not seeing them for a day, or not sharing the itsy bitsies of day to day life makes us feel uncomfortable.

Be it boasting, be it advices ; friends' words are always to be considered.

But Do all Friends really LoVe Each other Selflessly???

And what does LoVe in friendship mean???

And lastly the patent and one of the most regular questions...

A girl and a boy can ever be true friends and friends only???

In this post i would mainly like to discuss my opinion about the questions mentioned above by me.I will share some of my feelings and thoughts with the readers.

I dont think TRUE and selfless friendship truely exists these days.I dont deny the helpfulness of friends in the examination hall when a few minutes are left to go, and some pretty marks left unanswered.The friend helps.But theres one condition:

Only if he/she is completed with his/her paper and almost nothing else left to be written by him/herself.

And I dont deny the thing is same with me also,unless and until I have completed my paper with my knowledge and really want ot know something MORE to do better, i will help the friend in the expectation that i will also get some help from that friend.

So, The main thing is Expectation.

This thing is mainly noticeable amongst the college students like me.

LOVE in friendship is a more complex term according to me.

Present age is all about selfishness and self fulfillments.

We need to share our thoughts our feelings, we need some suggestions, we are in troubles and want to go out of it. SO ,we need and take help of FRIENDS.

Same thing vice-versa.

Friendship between girls and boys is a normal terms to me, i find nothin odd and weird in this thing ; may be because i used to be in a co-ed school and now, in my college in my Mechanical Engineering department i am the only girl amongst 72 students. But to many people, not only the old and orthodox, but also in the minds of many youth and educated it is still NOT QUIET AN ACCEPTABLE concept.

I myself am also often confused on this topic may be due to circumstances and others. I can think a guy my friend. But when this guy proposes, the situation changes. And in most cases the guys, who once used to be very very nice and close friend ,after proposing and being rejected turns out to be very bad and also denies to continue friendship as before.This thing has happened quiet 3,4 times in my life.

And i really dont understand this thing.

How can once-very-close friends turn soo very rude and obstinate.

They even dont wanna see my face any more.

One of this guy told me "Friendship has No destiny.Its bound to end. But if u get committed with me the relation will last for ever, but friendship is very shortlasting".

I thought very deeply about this line.

They may be true to some extent but can never be solely true according to me, as I am experienced both ways.I loved some one ,perhaps still my soul loves him, i got him as i was one of luckiest gal on earth ,but lost him due to some unknown reasons.So, it is not true that if you are truely committed, the relation is gonna last forever.

And I have friends whom I know and am intimate from Nursery-I,that we are friends for almost 17 years now.

So, it cant ever be said ki that friendship has no lasting.