Train of ThoughtS

So many things moving around in my head, yet I am not writing for quiet a long time. Because I was not in the mood for writing, I was actually busy doing one of my most favourite thing...simply being lazy. Everyday I thought of writing, yet I didn't feel like typing .
I felt like talking with people. But unfortunately (or may be fortunately) there's none around  with enough patience to listen to my whole range gripes and tripes.
Here in blog at least I can express my words and some nice people reads my blogs and praise my writings, which I never thought, could happen.

Just a few days back(when I was in my lazy phase) I read a book We The Living  by Ayn Rand. Loved it , loved it very much. Its about post effect of revolution in Russia, but it was a very romantic one. But the thing is that , the book has infused a typical anti-communist mentality in my head. Now I hate communism(well its not like that, that I was a huge patron of communism before reading the book; I just developed a sort of hatred towards communism after reading the book). Well, on this topic I remember one thing, I have got very much influenced by various people and books many times in my life.
Ayn Rand in her writing presents her own convictions, which are , not a bit, but quiet a much deviated from normal thoughts.
Communism is the ideology , where there will be no classes in the society, there will be no distinction between a worker or a manager and everyone will be the owner of every organisation , with everyone working as much as they can, but will be earning on the basis of what they need, Not what they deserve.
I don't think this thing to be a bit practical. Its not possible to work as much as one can, most of the times, and again its a sort of injustice to give one what he needs, not what he deserves. All human beings are not equal, everyone's intelligence or physical strength is not equal, everyone's ambition is not equal. Communism is a barrier for the outstanding; if he wants to do , own something then it will not be his' but all's. Is it possible? Is it acceptable?

So, stratas in society is quiet obvious.
I do agree , capitalistic society is most often excruciating for the subordinates, since the owner desires the maximum possible benefits,but I don't think communism is the solution The one who is working hard and the one not doing so can never own equal possessions.
Why on earth do we live for?For whose sake? Ourselves. Living is self-reverence.

So, I don't understand the ideology of not doing what one wishes to,and of not getting the full one deserves.

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Another thought was moving around, in my head....escapism and hedonism.
Well, I think I am a hedonist, I do most of the things for myself, for my happiness. I try to live my life keeping myself happy. For being happy it is often required to be a escapist. Don't you agree ?

Interaction with someone makes you sad? Do you prefer to say you, an escapist when you avoid that person? May be yes, but I don't see anthing bad in it, cause its done just for self. May be often its termed selfishness. Well, aren't we really meant to be so? We have only one life (that's even predicted to end on 2012...:(.. hehe.) so we should live on our terms and for our goodnesses and joys. Also there's a controversy regarding this, in my head. If someone gets joy always doing harm to the others, then what will happen to others.?! Well, I really don't think anyone can get true joy by doing intentional harm to others.

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Now , a poem, that was in mind for a time, but today the Bryan Adam's songs instigated me to write it.

You loved me, you said you do so.
I was in love,
Enough, enough to be blind in that.
Now I often think,
What you did.!
You loved me, or Always just
Wanted me to love you?!

I am not blaming you,
Not a bit,
I don't even dare to do so.
I just still love you
As it was years back,
I will love you
As it was years back.

I walk the life
With my shadow
But I am not alone
The memories I still cherish.
I don't need others' love,
I now hate those
Who Claim they love Me..!!
I prefer to be alone.

I am alone, not lonely,
I am alone, by choice,
Not by Chance.

I still love you,
The only difference is
I want you nomore.
I need you nomore.
I see you nomore.

                        
                                                   
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Ahhh, I am feeling so light after saying(oops writing!) soo much..:)