..Life on Highway..

Hello Everybody!

 It’s been long long time…. How are you all doing? I am good. Life has changed. Taken many turns, rather steep ones! Just wanted to share bits of stories from my side. In the month of May'14 I had a role change in my company.

Well the job description is like: I am technical service person of the Diesel vehicles, to which my company provides ancillaries. Shall share some details in course of this article.

I am a mechanical engineer and prior to my job rotation I was a part of my company’s manufacturing unit, responsible for product quality.

My new job profile is much broader compared to the earlier profile, as now not only I have to concentrate on a particular product, but need to have overview of almost the whole vehicle.

1st vehicle I worked upon was a Nissan Ashok Leyland Technologies’: Partner . It was a new vehicle that came to plant for service-training(that’s giver to field technicians and service managers, when a project gets On-road).

Someone asked ' kaisa lag raha hai' . I said ‘ bohot maaza aa raha hai’..he somewhat twisted his face n said 'huh...field k gadi me na, kuch bhi dikhayi bhi ni dega'.... so started my journey as a ' gadi ka mistri' as u can also say....!
The case I shared above was during my training session after which I was selected as a member of field competency team for eastern india.
The common rail diesel system is relatively new in India.  So OEMs(Original Equipment manufacturers) are cautious. .
My first trip*as an intern* was with my boss to Kolkata(my hometown) for training AL service managers and associates.  As my usual nature I was very very tensed. I went through all the material and documents that I managed to get. The session was better than my expectation!
My next trip was planned to Guwahati for giving training on diagnostics and technical details of a particular project.  I was still working in my previous job profile, as my earlier boss did not release me in such a short notice.  

The following month I had to spend in my previous profile only closing the open points.
On may 4th started forBangalore. 
After almost a month of rigorous training sessions both classroom and practical was finally allowed to leave for my final destination: kolkata. ... though the thought of getting dropped at the field made me procrastinate and tensed, yet I was excited as well as tired enough to put my feet at my home ground. !

I myself had rarely heard of or seen girls in vehicle service team, and here they send me as the technical ‘expert’ solving the critical issues, that the technicians are not able to solve.

I was provided with a number of hi-tech instruments and gadgets.

I started going to field for attending problems, for solving the issues. For Light commercial vehicles, Passenger cars things are different as in users the concerned about their vehicle and want it to be oK at the earliest. In case of Heavy commercial vehicles : trucks , tippers issues are different. Before attending the second type of vehicles I truly had some adrenaline rush…I have never been on truck before. And now there I am to take the 30tonner/40 tonner trucks on trial during investigation!(well, I don’t drive.) I sit up there, inside the truck with my instruments attached with the sensors and actuators, monitoring the values I need. And often dictating the driver to accelerate or to press brake or drive as he does normally. All these trials generally we do on highways with flyovers, where we can try achieving the maximum rpm! Its exciting, its fascinating…. Though I am a mechanical engineer I really never thought I would end up in such a job and moreover that I will like it!

Even when I go inside the service centers, I only try to concentrate on the case I am attending, not the surrounding that may be often distracting. Safety is often a concern for my parents, but as my company provides me a car and a known driver, I try to keep that part at bay.

I meet different people (while on field or over phone) coming from different background, the truck driver, the service technician the manager of the OEM. Many of them openly express their shocks seeing a girl in this service field.Ladies of my acquaintance often cannot actually realize what I do or rather how I do.

Training these people is also a part of my profile. When some new project is launched. I really don’t know or think whats in store for me in longtem future. At present I like my job and its actually a long way to go and vast things, still to learn.

Helllo

First of all, a big Hello to one and all.

How are you?

Well, life for me has changed a lot, than what it was,at the time of my last post(yeah I know, it was ages back!)....
[Somehow, I have the feeling my English writing skills have degraded with time, without the habit of writing ]

I have shifted to Maharashtra, with a new job, without family.
And unlike my belief, I survived for almost 2 and a half months now!

Hoping to start posting and following you thoroughly again,soon.

N.B: This post is for and because of one my dear co-blogger Divsi.
Hope to see you(your posts, I mean) soon...:)

Awake

Today, 16th November ’10 I took a vital decision, rather I had some strange realizations. It wouldn’t have been written by me if by any chance the case was just ‘reverse’. How reverse and meaning of this ‘reverse’ will be clear in course of time. For that much period patience of the readers and mine too are expected. At the end I may not end up writing this, may not end up publishing this, may not bother to move according to the ‘changed decision’ even! Never mind, after a long time writing so….. forgive that much of nuisance.!

Still last night 11p.m I was very much OK with my ‘previous decision’ of  fleeing away after having a safe amount of monetary deposit and clearing all mental blocks and pillars!
But last night talking with someone on the topic of being truant, suddenly I realized how horrible it really will turn out to be for my parents and loved ones. My parents, who 'made' me in all senses and literally brought back from death, what will happen to them!
I had the idea of ‘vanishing’ one day without anyone letting know anything, without carrying any single stuffs from my home/room/family/friends.

Can it really be possible? I myself am a part of them.
How can I ignore my presence, their presence in me! Did I do so? Do I do so? Or will I do that?
I donno at this moment. This professional life has made me feel the word ‘care’.

Here most of ‘them’ don’t care about their work properly, and ‘caring’ about ‘others’ is totally out of question. Previously I used to think myself rude; coming at workplace I realized, how rude the rest of the world ‘actually’ is! So, far I have been rude with those people (especially 2) who perhaps love me the most on earth. But rest of the world is rude to the one, whom they don’t know even! Am I insane? Or they are mature?

Suddenly amidst this rude and cruel world the thought of moving away , getting ‘vanished’ from the vicinity of my loves shook something inside me.
Can I really do that?
Do I really need to do that?

I wonder!
Am I fleeing away from life?
Am I afraid to face the battle ahead?
 I have never been a coward!
But I ended up making all the decisions like a coward.
I became all, what I hated.
I chased all what I dreamt!

I lost all my prizes.
Am I still sleeping?
Or I am Just Awake!

Months of CurseS and BlesseS.

'17' is now a hard-to-forget-day of my life.

Though my first job's formal joining date was April, 19'2010, as the office was not fully ready for joining of the new employees, I joined the office from 17th May'10. But 3rd June was my last day at that office.I was not much satisfied there as because most of it were paper work , and it was like a punishment for a mechanical engineer to do those stuffs only through out days,nights,weeks and months.
My last semester examination was starting from 8th of June[This examination date also got postponed due to the famous 'MUNICIPAL VOTE' Festival.]
The sinister(oops. semester.,.!!) ended on 15th June with much tensions and chapped nails[As my last examination was my Elective III-Refrigeration and Air Conditioning, and my head was becoming too jammed with all the wires and coils and graphs.]. Among all this my interview result of another company came out, with my name in the confirmation mail. But as
my fate goes, like always - there was small '?' marks on my forehead as beside my name it was written "will be called for another interaction". 
Ultimately we were called on 17th June.And after waiting for an hour or so ultimately our turn came, all were given a bunch of forms to fill up, and I was picked up and taken to GM(P & HRD) for 'interaction' with the person under whom I was supposed to be placed. Our medical check ups and all took place and we were given Offer letters that very day , along with the declaration that we were the employees of the company from that day only. We were happy, I was peaceful.
So, from that day my job life started in true and proper sense, the way as I consider it.

Professional life --- It's weird, it's good, it's pathetic, it's sympathetic, it's empathetic.
It's a kind of world,  just after the college where I can easily use all the mentioned adjectives together. People are strange- politicians,diplomats, always doing- namby-pamby -ones, jealous ones, zealous one, intimidated ones, dominating ones. I know many of you know this 'real' world',  but it's totally a brand new world for me. It's my dream place , yet it's the hard-core reality. I fly here, still I need to fix my feet firmly on the ground to thrive and strive.

Today is another '17', I complete Two months of my professional life. It's hectic, yet I like it. It may kill me, yet I live for it. The person who couldn't stay awake if she didn't have a 8 hrs sleep daily,now works with hardly six and half hours sleep daily. that doesn't matter much, cause she is happy.


PS: Sorry dear friends and readers for being so late to post this. Hope you can understand the phase of tension, anxiety and currently hectic life that I am going through.

Take care.
Have a nice Day.

Just another Story. Part -6

 CONTINUED FROM:
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-1
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-2   
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -3 
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -4
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-5


Sorry, dear readers, I was very busy with studies and all, and today found a bit time, because the university has postponed the last semester exam from 14th June to some will-be-announced-soon date.

Hope you remember the last part of the story where Anu was sad,as Rishi was harsh, but couldn't express and wrote pages in diary.
A few days passed. Human nature, its unpredictable and uncontrollable. Though fought but couldn't stay apart, couldn't stay far for long without quarreling. After much tears and
sweaty nights, they talked to each other.
They talked like they met after ages. They met like they were meeting after decades. They came closer and closer. Rishi realised that he couldn't control the attraction. Anu hardly thought and pay heed but couldn't control.
The friendly embraces and touches were no longer such, they were deeper and longer. Still,
Anu continued in her oh-I-hate-love facet, but was not able to resist Rishi whenever he came closer. She even didn't feel guilty for it. She dungeoned all the thoughts of so-called-sins and
'should not s'. She had the notion: she was right. Cause she never lied to Rishi, she never said to Rishi that she loved him, but she couldn't resist her to come closer to him. She went closer cause she liked the proximity of their breaths, smell of his air. For her it was pure because she was using herself for the highest reason on earth 'for her good feeling, thats causing harm to none'(somehow her novel-inspired thoughts drove her). Even Rishi had nothing o say against her these idiosyncrasies. But still, she continued to think she was not in love.
The bad news, the good news everything reached Rishi first. Yet nothing in her heart changed.

 
Among all these some drastic change in her mentality was undergoing due to her family matters.
Her dad was a kind of person, who would blame her mother, if ever Anu dared to say something to him in a high tone. Even when Anu protested against something wrong of his father the same happened, her mother was scolded blamed and abused for daughter's behavior. She literally disliked him for his rude, orthodox and bad behaviors towards his family.

Anu realised the person in front of her in the mirror has also somehow evolved to be like
the person whom she disliked so much.She was abashed,shameful and sad.She remembered how she scolds
and behaves with her siblings and friends, pretty often over pety stuffs.She even realised it
was very hard for her to control her temperament, cause it flowed in her blood. She decided to fight it and break that shell.
She even promised herself, she will change and one day will be better than him, and will be able to behave with him unlike how he behaves with her.

What Is thIs?

 

I have a grievance .

Against??!
Don't know exactly against whom? The country, administration or some selfish dolts?!!
The topic is a much much discussed and a much controversial one though, yet I need to speak a bit on the topic and vent out my thoughts.

"Reservation and quotas".

A particular national level exam has 84 seats out of which 52 are for OBC,18 for SC/ST/PH. So for general candidates '14' seats are allotted. Isn't this an injustice?
Backward classes and all stuffs, yeah I know those things, but are we(general caste people) not important? As far my knowledge goes or normal sense says: Number of general category candidates appearing for exams are considerably more than the number of other class people. Reservation is alright for promoting them,for their progress but more than 80% reservation!!!???
Is it really necessary.?!
This has already caused the increase of corruption among all level of people. People already belonging to these backward classes often take the disadvantages of belonging to these categories.
Reservation was made for the purpose of helping the ones who are unable to progress,who remained veiled by customs made by the 'so-called high castes' of the society, who are economically weaker. But as a result of this reservation thing, even the economically richer ones or non-deserving ones(or both) are getting posted in high posts. Apart from this a number of people who doesn't belong to these classes are making fake certificates for gaining (dis)advantages..!!
Is it right in a developing country like India? Doesn't it retard country's progress all the more?Isn't it a black spot on the name of democracy of a 'sovereign' country, somehow?

 Firstly, some non-deserving candidates[point to be noted: I am not saying all are not good, or all doesn't deserve, but some really really doesn't deserve.] without proper knowledge or capability spoil the dignity of the position and secondly, Frustration breeds in other deserving candidates. Most are not determined and dedicated enough like "Rizwan khan" to go to the high authority and claim:
"We deserve".

Recently NTPC is recruiting engineers. They are supposed to take 162 mechanical engineers. Well, coming to the main point ,among them : 108 are OBC,36 are general, rest are SC/ST.
IS it really OK? Can this keep on going or this will keep on going?

You

 

You are so away.....That
Your smell no more tingle senses,
Though in a crowd often it seems
You are just around...

But I know you are away...
Light years away,
More away than I
Ever expected you to be.

Care- I see it everywhere,
I never wished to have it so much.
I don't like them to care,
Yet they do, but
You don't .

Its just like I am in the mid ocean:
"water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink"!!


They swear to follow me everywhere,
You too did, but you broke the promise.
But I don't care whether they'll keep it or not.

Night knows the pain,
Pillows know the tears,
They cannot consolate, they know.
You can consolate, but you don't know.

Just another Story. Part-5

CONTINUED FROM:  
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-1
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-2   
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -3 
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -4

Things started getting well. Anu forgetting her momentary discomfort went to see Rishi in hospital whose condition was serious. This was one of the rare times of Anu's life when things didn't worsen. Rishi convalesced soon, somehow may be due to the mental backbone ,that was once again provided by Anu for her best friend. Life became normal for them, though Anu often thought of the future and could never reach any conclusion. For Rishi , future hardly mattered at present, cause at present he was not able to live without 'her' presence anyhow, a single day.
Life apparently became like before. Though from Anu's side it was never the same. 'Rishu' was
'Rishi' now, 'tere jaisa yara kahaan...' ringtone was removed;which was set for 'Rishu's' calls only.

She had some problem in accepting the fact of her best friend loving her so madly.Rishi's doings and manners reminded her again and again he loves her, but not just as a 'best friend'.
Things were going fine, until Rishi wanted to discuss the fact, that its quiet natural for best friends to fall in love,things turned up in different hues all the more because it was a phone conversation and not face to face.


Rishi(R): See, its nothing bad, its universally accepted that best friends turn best partners.(he was talking not for
persuading her to accept the proposal, he was talking just to make things clear)

Anu(A): Please ,I don't want to discuss this topic. I don't care what the universe says. Universe says many things. It only matters what I think.
It's a sort of betrayal for me.....(Anu's voice  started choking).

R: I don't understand what's betrayal over here.....Listen, I thought over this for long time,then only reached the fact that yes I......

A: Oooo, so you had that intention for long......

R: Ahh..as usual you are not getting me. Intentions remain there where girls are targetted..but I never had anything.I liked
 You in the course of interaction with you... I never started with an intention of approaching you....

A: I donno, You all are same .I hate you people. just get away from my life. If you need me I'll always be there, and if I need you,
I am enough selfish to ask for that.. so no use now in staying in this 'oh-so-precious-friendship'. I don't bother about.....

R: I know you don't bother.I know you can live without those things, but I can't. I know if I move away, you won't be having any trouble. You are
strong and brave,I am not. I'll not be able to take it...

A: (trembling voice,her mind was wandering in search of words).... Am keeping the phone now...

R: Lis..........
Ting.
Half an hour later an sms entered Anu's mobile:

"I hve done big mistakes.Sory fr evrything I hve done in past yrs. sorry for not understanding u ever. i'm really a kid, i never undrstood i wud get such behaviour frm u fr my feelings.bt i cnt resist myself doin dt,srry fr dat also. i ws sufring frm d frustrtion ki, none undrstnds me, now dt wil persist.let it be.i m staying where i am,i m ready to face watevr wil b hapning now,nobody cares. i also dnt care.watevr u wanted things wil b like dat,u cary on.
Good luck L...
take care,bye.
Hope u will be happy from now."

For moments Anu was blank.She could'nt follow up what's going on...
Then she smsed rishi,that didn't reach his mobile as it was switched off.
Then she opened up her diary and started writing:

Dear diary,happy new year.
You can never be best friends with your best buddy, after you discover he loves you and you don't have such feelings for him.
And it's worse when you cannot explain to him why you can't be best buddies anymore. But it's a fact, you can't be. You can't be that close to him...you can't discuss things as freely as you used to do earlier.
Cause: You start having the basic tendency of avoiding that person as you do to most people who have feelings for you, but you don't have anything for him.
You become conscious while talking,you become more aware whether your words are taken in other ways, whether your attitude, behaviors, words are hurting your 'once' best friend.
You want to gaurd that person from further hurts. But that person takes it otherwise. He understands, you avoid him only for the sake of yourself, for your own peace.
He hardly understands your emotion . That's not his fault . He loves you.But it's really hard to make him understand your cares and feelings, its hard to make him understand you are his
well-wisher from the bottom of your heart.
When you talk about other guys, your marriage and such stuffs, he somewhere gets hurt,immensely hurt, and you can feel it. But he doesn't understand that you do.
Jokes really doesn't help at those times. And its tough to go on like that. You cannot go ahead, you cannot regress. Ahead you can't go as you have someone else in your mind, you can't regress in the fear of hurting him.
I pray none ever falls in this situation. It's not a matter of loosing love, but it's a matter of loosing and hurting your bestest friend. It hurts like hell.

I chose to walk away from many friends in my life. They were all much beloved of mine, much close to my heart. I loved them all in some way or the other(may be not in the way they wished to be loved).
But I ended up hurting them, which I never wanted to do. They were hurt by me, It was hard for me to accept that particular fact. So I wished they were not hurt any more by me. And so when situations are such , where I can't promise myself that
I'll not be hurting them anymore ,I prefer to move away. I feel sudden death is better than blows in installments. And in these cases where it's pretty sure they will be hurt again in future, I don't dare to take the chance of continuing with them.
They may be sad now, but with time grief will be healed and they will be saved from the worse blow.But they never got the way I love them, never......


The pages turned mushy with teardrops and inks, and rashes of paper. She got up, washed her face, and decided not to cry again, cause she was right, and one day others will surely understand that.

But she was worried as the Rishi's phone was stil switched off.
 That night in her dreams the mighty knight came to bless her with his sword.

Then:
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -6

Have you?

Have you ever:

1. Sat blank for half an hour in the examination hall?
2. Felt like never to go outside your room?
3. Felt so content that, wished to stop earth's rotation?
4. Thought, actually what are you doing right now?
5. Sat on a table in a resto,between tables of the one crazy for you and the one you are crazy for, and the latter one sitting with his girlfriend?
6. Just wanted to run out and shout?
7. Wanted to kill yourself just because you are right?
8. Wanted to marry the person you hate most?
9. Wanted to punch many people together?
10.Stopped talking to your friend cause he/she gives you ideas from heart ,not brain?

Well well  well, may be many of you have affirmative answers of many of the above questions.But I have positive answer for all of them.
Thats strange? ehh..not that much ...
After soo many days, I am writing here, and I feel like asking you soo many questions, well obviously you are not bound to answer.:D
My semester ended the day before yesterday and now I have plenty of time to make a set of question paper for myself and compensate for whatever I missed out in the answer paper..:P
Its been a bad day for me, today, though it was Christmas.  Still I am not that ill to spare you from asking these stupid questions.
From some of the above questions it may seem I am a bit frustrated. Noway, I'm not, may be a bit depressed. but it's party time, no time for being sad, yuhooo...... 
Happy New year In Advance to you all.

The odd man out.

In this world of utter selfishness and bitterness , some too good men still do exist.

Here comes a story of a guy, just 21, but a whole lot different from most others.
He is perhaps not suitable in this mean world of 21st century..
This not a story, a very true incident, and too good to believe, if you haven't seen him truly.


But I am lucky enough to get such a person as my classmate. He is too good for the world. The character may seem a reel-one but its a real-one.

A true human being he strives to be from every aspect of his life. 

But may be some, after hearing about him ,may say ,that he is not really ' good'.

Well, lets start.The Auto fare from Garia to our remote college stoppage was Rs.5.50 then.
This guy used to travel by auto. And most of us are acquainted with these days' south kolkata's autowalas(no offence intended) who are famous for their movements in the most static traffic, their lingo and their OTT behaviours..This guy pays normal fare everyday.

But one day, somehow an auto wala paid him back Rs.6 as a balance for Rs. 10 ,what my friend paid(originally he was supposed to get Rs.4.50, as d fare was Rs. 5.50) and before he could say anything the auto passed away with high speed..Now, this guy was in problem (as he felt it was not a right thing to give inappropriate amount of money to d autowala..).So what he did???

guess..

guess..

guess..


No, he didn't ran after the auto...
He just dropped a 1 Re.coin and a 50 P. coin on the road....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because according to him~ it was no more his, as the autowala actually deserved IT...

What to say??!!!


Another incident:
He was coming to college on that day by train.The train arrived at the platform , just as he entered the station.So, as he was just on time, couldn't go and buy a ticket, just boarded on the train, without ticket(Which is Strongly against his principles....)..

So what to do???

All day he was in a bad mood as 'strong sin-sense' was working in him.... 
So what he did?
While returning back home by train,he bought TWO tickets and threw one away..!!!!!!

He is not a very regular college-goer. So whenever he goes to college he takes the class-notes from other people for getting it xeroxed. Now by any chance if theres even a slight wrinkle in any of the pages of the notes he would give a new gum stick, a new cellotape to the notes-owner along with his/her notes..we become speechless at his such mannerisms, yet can't protest. Once we took the gum(which he gave one of us along with the notes) back to the college stationary shop and in exchange took a pen and somehow gave it to him, and fortunately he accepted without understanding the real story behind the pen..:)

I ,rather we don't get this man...We all shout at him, crazy, eccentric, lunatic and don't know what else...But he continues in  his strange (morale) ways...
There are many such incidents of his....
But we really can't make out whether he is tooo good a person or just a crazy fool ..!!

Just another Story. Part -4

CONTINUED FROM:  
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-1
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-2   
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -3 

Anu messed up her life. She was trying to sort it out hard, she was fighting to stay jolly among all the odds of her life. While with her family,she always showed her least emotions, thoughts and feelings.She tried to become busy with her work and career issues,as she thought staying busy will take her away somehow from her abundant mundane troubles.


Some day a particular relative of her told her " You are actually very rude,You have less emotions in you,that's why you can be so harsh on others'. Those who are emotional tolerates the jabberings of the unemotionals like you."  It was quiet hard for her to accept this specific statement, yet she tried to catch up a curve in her face and only one face rose in her mind Rohit .

Another day she was talking to her mom casually  .
Bending over her lean body Anu murmered "Mom,I think I need to loose a bit frm my tummy....." 

Before she completed her mom gave a stern reply "You are absolutely ok, rather put on some on that thin figure. What will your in-laws say?!"....

Anu was shocked " Now wherefrom do they hail from?". 

"We say nothing to you now, doesn't mean we won't ever say anything.You have to marry.
Whatever you say or whatever you do, You will have to marry,Don't think you will always fly like this and keep on fighting with
people around you..!!" 

Anu's parents even started showing serious interests in some of the marriage proposals that came for their daughter.
Anu could'nt utter anything, as situations worsened and her dad always scolded her mom whenever she said or atleast tried to speak anything in Anu's for, against marriage stuffs.

Anu could'nt carry on with the argument, left the room in utter disgust.

Earlier she always had Rishi by her side to share all these itsy-bitsy things,but now she preferred not to share.
For quiet a number of days she was absolutely without contact with Rishi; recieved none of his calls, replied to none of his SMSes. One day when Rishi couldn't take it anymore he
came to meet Anu at her home, but she didn't even came down to meet him. This was like a shock to Rishi.However strong his heart could be diagnosed his atrium and ventricles were not strong enough to tolerate such behaviour from his best friend and the one whom he loved so much. He started to try to cope with such strange behaviour of Anu, but in vain. It was hard , very hard....

The problem was that, he couldn't still understand why exactly Anu was upset with him and was denying to interact in anyway with him, and also he was not able to discuss the matter with anyone.
He cried hard.It was one of the rarest times in his adolescence when Rishi cried!! He spend days without food, all alone in his room, without letting anyone outside know, what storm was going inside.

He fell ill, tremendously ill. Mental trauma along with physical weakness carried him almost near death.
Anu's arrogance still prevented her from getting in contact with her ill best friend. Her mind and brain fought. Arohi suggested her again and again to go and see him before anything more serious and difficult happened.
Once again Anu was in dilemma - To go or not to go...if she goes and if Rishi thinks that she had feelings for him-all these things started cropping in her mind and gulped her days and nights.She sat blank for hours with random romantic songs running in her ear via the cord of her ipod.She thought she had no idea of her life after being financially established. She thought of the mosquito that was trying to squeeze in between her ear and headphone, she thought of it, that it never knew it would be dead the next moment.  Among all these non-sense thoughts she couldn't arrive at the final decision that was enough urgent to be made. Procrastination was now a part of her especially on some points..!

She only muttered " God,  why why ,why always these things happen with me??"

Then: 
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-5
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -6

social 'I' 'sing'

I am often termed ‘unsocial’ by my parents ,as I refuse to show up when some guests come(who are pretty much unwanted and unliked by Me). I refuse to go to the ceremonies and rituals that I hardly respect or believe in. I hardly feel like giving a smile to the (oh-)so-acquainted one on road and ask how and what is his/her late(40’s/50’s) child doing…..sorry I am not interested.!

I hate It. I have loads of problems and things in my life to sort out and work out apart from asking others their problems and giving advices to them….I don’t like it, when the parrot-nosed aunty gives a jaunty smile to my mom and says her, pointing at me “ Your girl is nice, but she din’t grow so much tall like you?!”. I feel like asking “Do you have doubts on your eyesights? And why my dear? Did you have any very tall eligible bachelor roaming about in your mind(for me)?...”…:P….
Alas!!! I can’t ask that ….can only make arcs, curves, parabolas, hyperbolas by my lips and cheeks…![..:(. ,.:),.:D.,:P.,.:O,.:X….]

Society------ We are social beings living here. These days the so-called social creatures are hardly to be found by the sides when needed most,but are always present to criticise behind curtains and throw inquisitive glances,and often stares too..(well, I do agree that I am myself one of that lot.Don’t know whether people like me made the society like this or the society compelled in making people like me…I think in some case its relative and in some cases directly proportional)

I dislike a thousand such stuffs. Another widespread _______(don’t know what to say it -custom/ ritual/ social norm/ responsibility?!) is attending marriages, death rituals, anniversaries,parties, divorces (and don’t know what else..) often inspite of not feeling like going(in some cases I and we obviously feel like going, now don’t say you always like and feel like going to such places,I won’t believe that even if you say..!..:P).
But yet,it’s a must. WHY? Because when it will be your turn they won’t come , and being a social being, during any sorrow or happiness others’ presence is indispensible..!.

I am not much interested to go to my NRI cousin’s marriage. My mom states: “ Well, you don’t go . But then don’t expect them at your marriage or your child’s rice-eating ceremony.”. “My dear dear mom I am not a graduate yet, and you have gone so soo far..Well I don’t expect others to come..”

In this cases I am a great fan of Ayn Rand(in case you also are , I hope I don’t need to explain). She says we all live for oursleves and we should do what we feel will be good for our selves only,never to do charity, to get what we deserve, do obtain what we want, to achieve what we dream.

On this context  I remembered that particular SMS(don’t know whether it’s truly related to the context or not):

At marriages old ppl used 2 pull my cheeks n say “u r nxt”….They stopped wen I strtd doin d same at funerals.What a crazy World.!!

Well, now what do you say? Do you like always like socialising ?[keep the thought of gaping and stomach-worship away for a moment….:)…]

Just another Story. Part -3

CONTINUED FROM:  
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-1
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-2 
                             

Anu was disturbed . She had some family troubles. According to her,her parents were perfectly imperfect for each other. They quarelled and fought with each other so much, that made Anu temperamentally unsuited to family life.The way her father treated her and behaved with her, she couldn't bear it and thought it would be impossible for her in her future to marry and live with some man;when she couldn't tolerate her father's attitude how will she accept someone under the same roof whom she hardly knows. She was avoiding relations and people involved in relations. These reactions in her sub-conscious mind somehow affected her social life.
Everyone started seeming different to her with time.

One of her big problems was turning to be Rishi. She started feeling a difference in him. She felt somehow Rishi was actually wanting to be more than just best friends to her. His touches were different. Those consolating soothing embraces were changing. Rishi has changed - this thought was pinning her constantly. The last day Rishi hold her, she sensed as if Rishi was feeling her, it was not the same friendly hugs; it was different, and Anu didn't like it. But she couldn't tell Rishi anything about this as she thought this might hurt him, in case she was wrong. She was not sure because she had great trust on Rishi, and if it was really like what she was guessing and had felt it would hurt her severely.

As days passed Rishi was more and more in love with Anu. He tried to support her in every possible way. But yes, as he was now in love, things were much different to him, unlike Anu. When Anu and he were close or when she needed his consolations, she was no more his best friend but his inamorata(for him). He hold her the way, he would never let her go away. Anu tried to tear herself away, but in vain;Rishi's strong hands and a burning heart couldn't let her go.

But Anu, inspite of being a modern girl still had some very conservative ideologies. The things she didn't like, none could actually make her like those. The incident affected her. She was creating distance between herself and Rishi, though she herself tried to move the incident out of her mind. She thought, from the next time she'll be conscious and won't let her be that close to Rishi that may cause her later-awkward thoughts and feelings. She also blamed herself somehow for her ill-feelings towards her best friend. Rishi was quiet able to understand how Anu was trying hard to avoid interactions with him, but he could hardly make out what it was. The last day they met ,she didn't even bid a good bye to him, nor looked at his face. This hurt him severely.he kept on wondering what was disturbing her.

Anu believed in platonic relations. She coludn't protest when Rishi was in her love , but she didn't like his 'that way' approach. Anu doesn't look on intimacy as a guilt, but according to her 'that'sort of closeness without one's will was never to be welcome.
 
Anu was once again breaking down as she was moving away from Rishi. In middle of the night she cried aloud 'Rohit where are you?Why you came to me? I ask you only this cause I can't blame you for leaving me,I know I was somehow wrong....Rohit...Rohit.....' .She tried to gather her lost strength from Rohit's name. He was not in her life anymore, but for Anu he was just ubiquitous as always .



Then:
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -4
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-5

Bad time again.

Again that particular bad phase of life has arrived. The weather is soo nice, winter just coming, no fan, and the cosiness of sheets, shawls and blankets luring mind.. But sem is hardly 3 weeks away(We don't know the date yet, our university discloses the sem date just 7 or 8 days before , pathetic..!) .Well this is my 2nd last semester of my graduation.Yet its no less horrible than others.
As its the last year, we have so many non-departmental subjects. In a way I hate them sometimes..
Engineering economy and financial management one of the horrendous subjects. Cashbook, passbook,trial balance, balance sheet etc etc etc..oh my god...all alien things. and we (inspite of being being science students)are supposed to  mug up all those. The terms only seem alien. And under one subject theres basically two subjects, economics is also there, uffff....and its not possible to give stress on a part, as we never know
whats going on in the paper setters' mind. Its pathetic.
And as the sem approaches I just feel al the more sleepy and hungry....
As I start reading, I feel like sleeping and soon I do fall asleep and when the mozzies ('3 mistakes' term for mosquitoes..:P) awake me I feel hungry. But often if I don't get anything or anyone at home, I switch on the music or computer or sit with another story book.
Engg. ethics is a subject and when I open the book I feel I know all those and when I see the previous years' question paper I feel sick. They give questions worth 15marks each and many of them have no part markings...:(...history..history history..my mind aches thinking of my future hand pain..:P

Machining, material science are interesting but I forget what I read last when I read the new topics..
Operation research and industrial management(OR &IM)  is another subject...well operation research is almost done, but IM part....its a big fat book itself and all theory and no maths..it makes me feel sick..

And theres project works-mine being design of truss. Our group almost completed the theoritical calculation parts but, another teacher declared that,that will not do properly and we need to do a practiacal and proffessional ,with all the loads brought under considerartion(wind, living,self-weight etc etc) and that again put fresh loads on us... Over loads take me to the stage of fatigue, hope its not 'failure'.:P

Ahem..god save me this sem(as he does often..:))