Meaningless feelings.

Cant find words, yet I need them.
I want to share something,
But I wonder what is it ...

I want to ensconce here.

What I want? what I get..!!
I don't know myself.
Perhaps I have lost all and everything
But again I cant recall what it is.

Do I really need some prerogative??
But for what? for whom?
I keep dawdling around with
Preposterous resentment.

Infidelity hurts, it has made me
Indifferent towards anything.
Yet still cannot infringe the vague inferno.
Why?the question still remains.

Do you feel a bit compassionate
Or move your face exasperatingly?
I am indeed waiting for the evangel.
Still I doubt ,whether it can make me happy.!

I cant ,rather don't denunciate anybody.
But what is this going?
It was supposed to be fine and alright.
But everything is going insouciant.
Detrimental thoughts are instilling.

I know I'll convalesce soon.
Yet I hate the present state .
Cant define what actually it is.
Inanity, languor,incubus,complex or
A Mixture (may be compound) of all.....

[P.S:This was written pretty time back. I have convalesced from that state now....But often this type of feelings occur, One cant help it, you know....Its the characteristic of age.......:)...:P ]

OTT

I dwell in the heart of my city.

I hardly feel suffocated here

Among all the congestion

And over-tight scheduled have-to-dos.

I love the fastness of the metro city,
I love the speed of the cars,
I love the dust, pollution,
Even the tight traffic .

Last night I was standing with
Two close friends on the top
Of a high-riser, not a skyscraper though...
And I had a perfect feeling of OTT.

It was my first time,
When I sensed properly my presence
So Much above earth.
I felt it.
With winds slapping hard against my face
And body,I stood straight to emulate.
I faced it all .

But at a certain point of time
Looking at the sky
And realising its vastness

I felt lonesome

For a few moments,

It was stertorous.

I felt a consternation

As if some apparition

Was present there.

We were discussing about UFOs

And ETs and UAPs ,

Which were just apposite and apropos.

I myself somehow felt like that..:P

It was a mixture of soo

Many thoughts and emotions

And feelings....

Standing Up above the word so high..!!

But above all, and still it was

Over The Top.

[P.S: Perhaps it would have been better if I wrote this one in essay format, yet I wrote it in poem format, just like that. I felt like doing like this only...:), still a bit OTT feeling ..hihi...:)..just wanted to express a bit of my thoughts and feelings as I always do here in my blog, which is actually a vent for my feelings and also provides me a scope to peep in your world..:) ]

Jealous 21.

I turned 21 just a few days back.

Well I am not shy to tell my age...

I am 21, and I am jealous....

Jealous of so many things around.

I am jealous when

Anything around is better than Me and mine.

I am self-obsessed,

I am 21.

I am jealous.

I am jealous when my best Friend

Talks more to someone else

Than to me.

I am jealous when my admirer

Admires someone else more.

I am jealous.

Yeah, I am .

I don't want to lie about it,

May be that's my fault,

May be that's my all.

I am jealous.

I am 21.

TAG...

I have started loving this TAG thing actually, This time I have been tagged by Leo. This one is pretty interesting.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4.“operated. When a large force is required to operate the control levers, and hand wheels are used, When”

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can & catch air? Ohh, wall, I hit it...

3. What is the last thing you watched on T. V.? Trailer of some serial 'Ap ki Antara'

4. Without looking, guess what time it is? 05:30 p.m ??

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time? 05:45 p.m :)

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? SM PS still running...huh...., bro watching TV, key board pressing.... ooo soo many things....:)

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? 06.55 a.m , for going to college.

8. Before you started this Q&As, what did you look at? some other blogs..

9. What are you wearing? a night dress.

10. When did you last laugh? Few minutes ago...

11. What is on the walls of the room you are in? A calender, a portrait of RabindranathTagore, ooh ya 3 switchboards...:P

12. Seen anything weird lately? sooo many , actually....:P.

13. What do you think of this quiz? foolish.

14. What is the last film you saw?Auntohin(Bengali)...

15. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?A Lambo gallardo or a BMW 7series...depends on the mood and temperament..

16. Tell me something about you that I dunno! Hmmmm, I am a freak... hope You dint know that...:P

17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Right now a friend's mind who is doing all wrong stuffs for a girl who gives him a damn.

18. Do you like to Dance? ya sure, though I make it sure no one is near..:P

19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? No Idea...

20. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?Leave me, 1st lemme get d job Then I 'may' start to think.

21. Would you ever consider living abroad? Ya, Brussels or any English country side is the first preference...:)

22. What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? Thank you, but sorry no thanks...hihi...:)

I tag none. whoever likes or wants to do this tag can do it...:)

Sad turned happy...:)

I am visiting blog properly after quiet some days. I was not able to check the comments posted to my articles nor I could go through all the articles of my fellow bloggers....hope I'll make it soon....:) Actually I was busy..(!!!) ,a bit. College campussing started(finally) and today was the first one, but as expected ( or may be unexpected...!! ..:( ) I got eliminated in the technical Aptitude round, so am in a bit pensive mood, a bit happy as I didn't have to make it in front of the scary interview panel. This was my first ever campussing thing....The recession thing was in boom , and so there were less chances of any campussing even a month ago but since I belong to a core engineering branch I got a chance to sit for the aptitude for a Reputed Core company (only 28 were selected from our dept of 72 to sit for the campussing today).The date was declared on 4th Sept n today was the exam. But My beginner's luck is bad~ its proved once again.....!



Now lets deviate from this sad topic.

Coming back home and opening the blog I was surprised, and somehow happy. I started blogging last year just to express my thoughts and feelings with no intentions or thoughts that some other people may even read it.... but people started reading and also sometimes praising, much to my astonishment....(Ahhha....my writing skills are not that bad..!!!)... And today I saw properly, I have got a 4th prize for my blog and that too, from an awesome blogger, whose writing skill often I envy a bit...:P.. ..R S V -THE SKEPTICAL OBSERVER has given me my fourth award and that too, the Superior Scribbler award...!!!! I am exulted and exalted...

These are the rules for the award:

1.Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Blogging Friends.
2.Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
3.Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to this post which explains The Award.
4.Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List.
5.Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Well now that's a hard job for me, I am bad in making decisions and especially here where I like so many people's blog. One thing is good ,I can cancel SOURAV 's and SUGANDHA's name from list as they have already been awarded by R S V...:)

The blogs I follow i like and love them all but as according to rule I am supposed to name 5 I am naming them below alphabetically.:

AJai~ An awesome story teller , both fictitious and non-fictitious and innovative.

divsi~ The Sagi girl...... wonderful 'fotu'grapher,a nice writer...

Leo~A poet, writes touchy poems from minute things in life.

vEnKy~ The dude...can write really good stuffs on anything ranging from train journey to Vada pav....:)

Vyshu~ Composes nice poems and pieces and I just love her way of representations....:)

Through the mystique mist.

Its raining cats and dogs outside

And I am inside my cosy room,

Thinking just of You.

Thinking of the charade

My fate played with me.

Or it was you who played all of it?

Who cauterized all the

Flying birds in my azure sky?

I am not blaming you,

Since still I am befuddled

Whether you are the real criminal?

Or I am the jilt?!!!

Just trying to sort the reasons out.

I still run for you,

I still spoil my nights and days for you

I still wonder what you do,

I still pray for you.

I still crave to live the memories

Of Us.

Do you even bother to keep

Them in mind?

Or have you Lost them long ago,

On the way to your new-found

Destination..!!!

I am curious,

Do you have really nothing

More to say me?

I know you never wanted to hear

Though you had to do so.

Do not masquerade

I wanna see your face

Beyond the variegated blur,

In true colors.

I wanna see whether they still

Colors me up

Or just again creates

The pain

That you are No more,

You are Nowhere,

You Were,

You were just a mere illusion

Whose capricious blabbering

Fascinated me,

For whom I lived

A decade in just ten months.

You are no more,

You are no where.

Its me, it always have been me....

And it always will be about and

Just because of Me.

You stand there

Outside my misty glass,

I am not sure how long

The mist will last

And how long you will

Be there.

But when the mist will

Go

And I'll open the window,

I know,

Neither the mist nor you will be there...

The sun will shine again.

Still I gaze at the mystique mist

Outside.

May be its the last time

I am seeking , seeing and feeling you..!!!

I don't know I want you or not,

How much I love you,

Even if I love you at all.

I just fell ,still creeping and crawling,

In the shade of love of your existence.

[P.S: Somewhat fictitious, some what from mind.....]

The Number Tag

I was tagged by Kaka in August. I am ultimately doing the Tag now. This is a numbers' Tag.

So, here comes the Tag.

1 One Younger brother, Jaani dushaman yet a real Darling.

2 Two eyes to see and understand the world around.

3 Three fictitious crushes of mine: Francisdo'D Anconia, Gail Wyand, Edward Cullen.

4 Fourth May Birthday of younger brother.

5 Five fingers...:) For beating and slapping...:P

6 Six sportsperson I adore :

• Sourav Ganguly.
• Sachin Tendulkar.
• Saina Nehwal.
• Yuvraj.
• Narayan Kartikeyan.
• Michael Clarke.

7 Seven Things I am loving to do these days:

• Be a Lazy Daisy and at sleeping at odd hours of day
• Watching college football matches.
• Having junk foods.
• Listening loud music.
• Reading books .
• Blogging.
• Chatting with close friends in installments..:).

8 Eight things I dont like:

• Dishonesty and knavery,tall talks.
• Lies just for nothing.
• Muddy streets.
• Disturbance during sleeping.
• Interference when I am talking.
• Claiming without deserving.
• Emotional 'attyachars'.
• 'chipku' people.

9 Nine movies I love to watch again and again:

• A walk to Remember.
• Princess Diaries I.
• Princess Diaries II.
• Chak De India.
• Dil Chahta Hain,.
• Rock On.
• Bicentennial Man.
• Pursuit of happyness.
• Anuranan.(Bengali).

10 Ten top things now in my wishlist:

• To get my desired project instructor in this semester.
• To have two more pair of shoes for this puja.
• To give a nice exam on 4th Oct.
• To get a satisfactory job before 2009 ends.
• To shed a bit before puja inspite of having regular junkies.
• To have a Big fight with some good Old friends.
• To read 3mistakes of my life, The kite runner and A thousand Splendid Suns.
• To give someone a new calculator.
• To get a digiCam ( a DSLR...:P), though I know I wont get it this year.
• To have Loads of Chocolates whenever I want To,and whichever I want to...:)

Ahhh... ultimately I am done with the tag...its such a relief...:)