saD enD.

Today i had d last exam of 6th sem.
The subj was one of my (few)fav ones.
I had 3 days gap b4 dis one.
Unlike other times ,i studied dis time
For olmost ol 3 days.
Last nite i was awake till 2
which s quiet not-normal for Me
For just b4 d exam day.
I had some awkward dream last nite,
I saw n heard something dat i dint wish to
C or Hear.

Sleep cracked at 7am.!!
The mood was pensive.
Felt some pain seeping down d spine.

I woke n started to mug again,
To Forget d dream(perhaps).
I studied most of d chapters.
Had a nice preparation.
But i left a chapter from which nothin came
In last 5 yrs....

Went to colg early, unlike other days.
Aftr some discussion
Entered d exam hall.
D paper was so bad n
So shocking.
May be, i knew ,dat
Aftr ol d nice papers Board Is
Gonna give a bamboo In
The last One.

But my preparation 'was' soo good.
yet i was not satisfied after d exam...
D hrs finished quiet soon.

I came out a bit groggy.
So many unlike things together .....
Doesnt really give a nice feeling.
Feelin slumped n a bit depressed.
Not a Happy ending..:(

Mis(s) conceptions....

This is not apropos to be here now for me...perhaps......i kno. Sem s runnin, 1 o'er today, 4 yet to
go. D day aftr tomro is M n MC in which i hve to do well enuf, anyhow....But after comin out frm exam hall today wid some extent of chagrin m here for expressing some of my crap thots .



Today again i feel , frm my early childhood still now i had have so many pet (mis)conceptions(in d sense i love dose.......maybe),dat may b termed 'fads' often.

When i was too young to understand things around properly, thots of becoming best were instilled n gradually infused in me. I thot i was becomin "best"...but beau monde made no mistake in provin my thots wrong in no time......i realised i became some how mediocre. I hated mediocrity......i aimed for top n thrived n believed i'll reach it somehow....d way i wanted it. But again some divine or may be destined providence proved me wrong.....or may b
it was ol my fault....



I used to think till late ,dat, none can think or say bad abt me, coz i nevr interfere in ppl's matrs,question anybdy, n most of d time i remain self-centred.... Agn i was wrong, my evasion, my silence were(rather are) misinterpreted as 'selfishness', 'immatureness' ,'irresponsible' etc. I dnt ask ppl questions in turn of their's , so i m not caring, not understanding n not 'social'......I can say watever i feel (bad or good) abt ppl on dere face so m not typical girlie(as if i m supposed to be one of those 'nyaka' n shy ones)

Got zonked of d garbled whispers olaround.. Ppl's motives started seeming ulterior......n may b me too, to some extent to dem......

Simulated to b normal n sane n fought to b social. Range of ken was yet quiet limited to understand d underlyin ethos....

I thot, (i still think) i loved (or may b love) someone frm early teenage,Got him in late teenage miraculously.Ol pains got alleviated,no more being fugitive....faced d world as it came......but earth rotates n wid it ppl's mind....agn dis time it was my misconception......i realised i was not happy though dis part is not very clear to me yet...as confused as ever, donno wat i did, y i did...But ya I did......I was happy to b alone, but d person on d oder end of d road though claimed that his lyf was spoiled by me, is happy now in some way...good, i like it, i olways wished n prayed for it.....some misconceptions r good to be bred....

I used to think still very recent times, dat. i hve seen d worst n d best of d human beings....but no wonder ,d evn best n worst showed up, to my joy(somehow) n resentment respectively, n m sure , superiors or inferiors r still waiting...

Realised , human mind n character is desultory n bettr not to be understood......Some odd bookish n some of Ayn Rand's philosophies started creeping in mind.....n one day via a biological blog i discovered ol my characteristics matches with a 'chronic overthinker'...but i believed myslf to b a superflous thinker only...!!!:P

Today ol dis stuffs r fizzin out frm me , coz today morn i thot i had a wonderful preparation(one of d best in my engg. lyf)...but alas...me n my misconceptions.....exam was ok....neither excellent, nor very good....

Again sem.

Once again (for the sixth time) the sem has appeared , though the date has not yet been declared. But tensions n boring mugging sessions has to be started wid even boring muggers calling n 'just informing' wat they have already 'done'....

And me ,again addled...

To say, there are only 5 subjects in this sem..but they r driving my nuts.

All day long I loll around,read books n mags n papers n blogs... Hve stopped goin to college for 'studying at home', n also to avoid the sweltering heat outside.....

A subject named Mechatronis nd Modern control requires 3 books n i hve only 1 n dat too full of ol sorts of maths n mathematical derivations only. Utterly disgusting... nothin i cud get except umbrage by just gazing at the book. In d 1st internal for this subj i submitted a blank ans. sheet to the grt "pran" sir. He has again arranged for another test for ppl who did bad like me (or whoever wanted to appear for it) and that too tomoro. I donno wat i mugged d whole morning amidst so many cals from d studious frnds who has just only a few things left to cover, nd now sittin n bloggin n n'joyin random blogs as usual.....Mom says i lead d most halcyon days....true to some extent...

Robotics,Automation n CNC- another subject ,again requiring 3 books, i hve one n dat too of robotics, while the rumour is in air that perhaps in sem this year very less is gonna come frm dat part.....Again frustration ...arrey wat can i do, i hve taken 4 books frm library n long ago d validity of ol d books have expired ,I cnt take 1 book by submittin one now, n if i wanna renew ol d books, dey wont, as ol d books i took, are in 'high-demand' now.....the two books i bought have proved to be less significant dan wat earlier dey seemed to be.... I bought d robotics one wid much enthusiasm...

Then Design of machine elements....well, i hve studied ,rather gone through a lot of that subject.....lets c wat hapens .... if i cud remember ol d formulae(only formulae rather) on d day of d exam....

Dynamics of machine elements scared me a lot earlier , but i studied n somehow to my own astonishment liked it as it had lot of car n engine things in it, though quiet a part of it is yet left.

Power plant technology ...i dnt exactly have any idea abt dat yet except a few definitions dat any1 ought to kno frm 9, perhaps.......

As the melliflous day is over n ppl go under sheets i work, rather try hard for mugging for the so-called-last hard sem of engg. Impalpable feeling for sem, jst i need to pass it well dats ol......

but parents wil be parents.. dey hve objections against my evrything as usual. late nites r obviously a grt annoyance for dem as i c deir face d next mornin aftr 10 if theres no clg....

n mom.....now d world seems so rude wid u soo rude. but u kno i m n i'll b fighting ... :)

Just love

Here comes a love song composed mainly by a friend of mine, and moderated(and at some places also edited) by me. This time it is not for anyone , but it is given to the lips of a fictitous character and she is none other than the sweet heroine of Twilight(by Stephanie Meyer) ~ Isabella Swan. The song is dedicated to her for her beloved Edward Cullen.


Last night here for you,same old songs, just once more;
Last night here with you may be yes, may be no;
I, kinda liked it anyways, how you shined
And placed your eyes on me.
Did you ever know that i had mine on you?

Darling, so there you are, with that look on your face,
As if you never heard,as if u never doubt,
Am I the one for you?
Shall I be the one for you for now and forever
To interest you solely and truely??

You promised me then....I knew
You wanna dream on.
So let me come close to you.
Closest I wannabe.
Close enough to feel your heart beatin true.
And save us a whisper,
How i long to feel your peaceful eyes on me.

Do you ever know I have mine on You.



[P.S: Dont be jealous dear Jacob Black]

A Rejection letter.

None has yet given (or may be dared or felt like,whatevr it may be) me a love letter. Just before the result of 5th sem, being frustrated with tension tried to destract mind n think of something new, fun n purely puerile .I dont intend to give it to any one by anychance (bechara hoyto ektu beshi e chaap kheye jabe...: P). Pun was the sole intention, wid some utterly emulated,chivalrous and protean faces in mind. Here goes my " Rejection Letter " to those who proposed me (to my great resentments) or who want or think to do so or watsoevr....:P


My amour-propre inundates by all means my any desire to be your inamorata. It's better not to dilly-dally to let you ameliorate, cause you will never convalesce. Waiting to gloat for the evangel? Put moratorium on those. You better become a vagrant, or u may have to spoil your fortune paying off the alimony. Other valiant options are also there . I can show you a few such, if u wish ,but personally i feel it's better not to show you such chimeras. Without admonishing the impasse,without trying to adduce the umbrage,stop the vendetta with your mind immediately. You just cause adnauseam to me. Now, dont try to rise an affray to affront me. Albeit I am the naive,I am the vaunted veer, vapid jilt,insidious virago with an acridly battered soul n heart whom you cnt stand against. Neither your inveigle, nor your invidious invectives can accrue my anger any more,it got imbued by the imbroglios long ago. Dont even try to pull out the immured angers. You are not enough accoutred to impale my stoic facet. By any chance I do not need aegis from a janitor. Dont take ol dese stodgy pejoratives, run pell-mell.
As you were never much welcome I am not interested in valedicting you even.

memoires...

Time always presents me a fait accompli. Somehow, it manages to prove that I was devious. The consequences devolves to the present. But nothing to do ,except either getting moonstruck or calmly accepting the mopish present. Moribund Dreams bring back the rainbow of myriad expectations and desires. Some pasquinade has snatched away all my ebullience.

My school days,those hours of non-stop yaks, the ballyhoos in the class, those derisions......they still descry the mind for hours. The faces with their jaunty smiles,their ingenuous advices, beguiling jokes can never denigrate from the facets of mind. Yammers seemed always sweet, desultory fashion evrywhere made evrthing just perfect. Sheepish smiles after little peccadilloes macerated all grapples. Puerility washed off all inanity. Never got tired, never stopped laughing; contravening the rules and manners were just the grandiose style. Never paid heed to , who deprecated. Everything was just expedient. At the cowering moments always had hands on shoulders and also causes to exult the next moment. The deranged pranks could never be eschewed.
Some teachers always seemed to have some ulterior motives to depredate our alacrity. Some despicable incidents still bring tears. We all were together and promised to stay together 'forever'. But Nothing Lasts Forevr~ the confirmists confirmed. We are, but far far away , humming monodies at melancholic moments having petulant tempers facing macabre realities.

We grapple, we grovel,tolerate detractions which seems much de trop.
Time deters the memories most of the times, yet brings those yores acerbically at times.

We no more need hands on our shoulders. We have developed social acumen, we are used to living on tenterhooks after all sorts of jibes and sneers. Yet Redolence of those days seems to heal temporary phronemophobias. Then I feel , a dear friend of mine truely says "Beatified by Resentments".

Bakkhali

The monument before boarding the bus at 8am.




The First glimpse of sea from the bus.




Lonesome Twosome.

The Jetty - the means of Crossing the Hatania-Doania river for cars and vehicles.

Waiting for The sunrise with distorted shadows.

The pink tinge of the sky before the sun really showed itself due to fog.

The sun rise, finally...

View(I) from the watch tower at Henry's island(It has 162 water ponds cultivating various types of fishes).

View(II) from the watch tower.

The Yellow crab, on the shore of Benfish Fish project.

Water water evrywhere, not a drop to drink.On d way to Jambudip for long time no lands were visible on any side.!!

The land of Jambudwip.

A fishing ship.

Mangrove forest on d way to jambudwip from Frasergunj.

The mangrove trees along with their breathing roots.

Windmills at frasergunj.

One of the very very few things to capture at the crocodiles' project park.

The beautiful house within the project park.

we stayed in this lodge.

On the way to the temple of 'Bon Bibi'.

Bon Bibi Mandir.

The quite nd calm surrounding of the mandir.

The tiny red dots visible. are ol red crabs spread over the sea beach at Bakkhali. de come out only wen the sun shines brightlyn goes inside d sand as soon as anyone approaches them from some distance.Dey are quiet a social n conscious species.

Star Fishes on the sand.the sesile animals lying dead.

I dont know the name of this creature that was lying on the beach. Jethi told perhaps it is a small 'shankar mach'.

Chalk And Charcoal work by nature along the beaches of Bakkhali.

Shadows of mom n me on the charcoal n chalk work of nature.

The goat babies are fed in feeding bottle.Dnt think its milk from their mother,Its only rice washed water n salt.

On the way back, while crossing the Hatania-Doania River.

D village...

Somantoral Rekha misheche digonte....

The things we see are not olways the truth.

hanging High. I dint try to hold dem, so am not sure wther i can touch dem or not...:P

Within Five days evrything was planned and fixed. We were heading for a weekend holiday at Bakkhali. Tickets of WBSTC bus were booked , hotel rooms were also reserved and by 8th January'09, thursday 6:20 am, we (9 of us, we 4, nd 5 of our neighbours) were ready to head for our destination.

It was one of d nicest tours amongst quiet a many trips.

i loved it , i liked it......and can say proudly...."Aha ki dekhilam, jonmo jonmantoreo bhulibo na."

I dnt have such a strong vocabulary to express ol my thoughts nd feelings through my writings, Here were a few pix taken by me in my mobile, though dere quality are not much good but seein these i still cherish those moments.