TeNsIoN

Sem is approaching n m feelin sleepy..
Y does dis time comes...???
Nothin prepared,so much to know..
The syllabus n d big fat books seem quaint;
speak some patois ...

Let the puck sing the psalm for me...
The robot teachers ready
To throw me in the quag.
Wid my puerility i try to regret that fact
Of utter bitterness....

Paucity of knowledge sometimes
Create complex deep inside the mind...
Next moment i get elated
By the thought
the sem-session will soon b over...
The happy days will b Back again

But again the fear of bad result
Gulps the mind
N i try hard to concentrate.
I suceed in memorising......
everything except the words i shud....

God bless me wid an exalted result,dats d only prayer for now. :)

Annoyance.

I am a bit idiotic person...!! I dislike many persons on earth due to various reasons. But few r there, for whom i cant show it, d way i wish to.....
Most people have it.I kno.Krishanu ( a close frnd o mine) had(has) immense grudge on *M* aunty of our beloved alma-mater , n by dis time ,i biliv ,he is able to show it..[:P]
One of such is one of my teachers.Believe me i'll name him publicly as soon as i fix my carrier.Evry other person in d clas instigates me n demselves to hate d person, but i am d victim of his ****nesses n *******nesses most often, being d only gal of my class.
He is one of dose very few persons on earth, who bothers or forces me to curse him....
watevr god save him from our(oops My) curses..
He speaks so utter non-sense n controversial stuffz , ki he himself even cant keep pace wid it: n oder teachers n students go crazzzy due to him, but none can let a single word go out of their mouth.
y????
He is the most 'hyped' n one of the most influential person(uuufff...sorrry 'TEACHER') of the college....:(

GOD BLESS HIM.

Trying to efface the cul-de-sac.

The idiosyncrat is back...
Her life has changed a bit.
People say she has changed a lot.

Ya, she has changed..
Now she dreams again...
Dreams of the 'Perfect world',
which others say, can nevr exist.

But she is nevr appeased.
She hates those creatures who pretend
To bear their name..!

She is no more depressed.
She makes some questions,
dat go unanswered..
So she stops askin those.

She refuses to b d inamorata,
She regrets her former state of inanity.
She is perhaps ,again aftr the ignis-fatuus,
Others only give insinuations
Dat she is severly Wrong.

But she is determined dis time,
To overcome others' thoughts,
And this time she will Succeed
To Efface The Ephemeral Cul-De-Sac.

Me 'n' My World..

My world comprising my dreams really vary a lot from yours. To many it seems very impractical.
Many of the closest pals shouts at me to step out of my Utopian land.

My favourite colour is white. My mom says, thats why there is no colour in my life; though several times i have tried to make her understand WHITE is actually the mixture of all the colours. But she is never ready to accept my logic.

As a child and even now my mentality doesnt match with most of those ppl of my age.To most, i am immatured, childish , irresponsible - who cant accept the reality.

Yeah that is true to a great extent . I always keep on thinking ,things will happen only in that particular ways, in which i would love to see them to happen. But hardy it evr happens so :(



Evry times my thoughts get shattered.
But here i am always denying to come out
of My Utopian land.

As a child i hardly evr played with dolls,
I was something of more serious species.
And as i grew i felt i was not like the rest.
I cant stop sayin what i really feel about U,
may be thats my fault, may b dats my all.
I cant say U 'i like u', If i hate U like hell.
I dare to say U 'i hate u' on ur face'.

I can a wear a mini n a halter-neck,
but yet i cnt say a fake 'I love u'.
I can go for a movie with 5 boys,
Yet i cant give anyone a 'flying-kiss', 'jst lyk dat',
Nor evn i can say a 'muahhh' to any of the 'dudes'.
The one i loved , left me alone,
Yet I cnt forget him and love someone else.

I see ppl around me falling n cryin for me,
Donno dey love me, ya jst tryin to take the Chance.
I see dem agn to flirt with other grls too,
I feel befooled by givin dem my frndship,
by biliving and tryin to feel wat they said.
I bilived dem all..???!!!!
I am such a fool...!!!!!

I am not a kid.
may be my mind hasnt grown yet ,like ur's.
I hvent evr dreamt of my 'Family Lyf' yet;
I cant do dat,
Though i can cry ol nite for my lost love.

May b i am Weird, i cnt accpt the reality.
But i am like dat.
ANd i am happy wid dat.
If i am not good, dnt talk wid me,
I dnt hve any prblm.
But dnt come to tell me to chnge.
I kno wat i am, wat i do.

I dream of my future in
the Brussels' countryside or
in any dreamy valley.
I can live my life alone,
I dnt need a MAN for me.
This hurts the ego of the Man.
He says u r bound to hve a man,
U cant do widout him..!!!

Is that true?
Cant i b alone in the place i want to be
Alone...!!
I dnt need the one who left me To GROW up.
He rather they say i'll grow up one day......
n understand dem ol.,
But wen will They nd U get me..???!!!!!

I dnt need u beside me,
I dnt have any expectation from U.
Bettr u too dnt expect anything from me.
The bonds of relations r not for me.
Perhaps m not made for dem.

I love my loneliness,
Accepting the 'Bliss' of solitude...
I dont need ur damn selfish World beside Me.
I make my world.
I dnt need the one who loves me for some
Self fulfilling reasons, for some purpose,
for the contentment of His desires.

If u can Love me for a reason,
"Let the reason be Love".
Can u love me by Not touching me??
Can u touch my soul widout touchin my body.???
Can u love me "unconditionally" widout seeing me??
Can u forgive all my wrongs??
Can u be right beside me loyal, all the time??
Can u expect Nothing from me??
Can u accept me as i am, dwarf n ugly??
Can u cool me down wen i am angry??
Can u be a part of my dream land??
Can u show me affection like a dad??
Can u adore me like a poet??
Can u let me be, wat i am??


If u cAn , u r welcome To my World.
But i kno U cant.
coz u r not made like dat.
I dnt want u too.
Ur way n mine are different, n never will they merge..

Be happy for dat..
u'll never have to tolerate me n my nuisance.

But let me be Happy in My Utopian land.
Dnt evn dare to pull me Out.
I was born to be here, n
d Day i'll DIE,
I'll go away from here only.
I dnt bother weder u really feel for me...
But dnt say a fake "I love U", to ME.
May be its jst mere 3 words to U.
But it means a Lot to me.

I love myself....Not u..so bettr u also dnt love mE and let me be myself n lemme go my way....

Pessimist

I am a damn Pessimist.

Still now , my blog has really few readers. Hopefully those few will not shut my blog , reading the above bold line.

But the fact is true, dat I am a pessimist. I start evry little bit thing in my lyf with a negative thought . All people around me curse me for this nature of mine. But once and only once I explained to someone why i am so. That person liked or at least pretended ki , he liked my reasoning.

Thats why i want to share my thought with U...

SOmeone ( i cant definitely say,who ) "A PESSIMIST IS AN EXPERIENCED OPTIMIST".

I am a staunch fan of this one liner.

I too used to be an OPTIMIST once upon a time, when i used to have big dreams in my eyes and always worked hard to make my dreams turn into reality.Even after my quiet a few breakage of dreams i continued to be an optimist.

But being an optimist really paid me NOTHING, just NOTHING, except disappointment( hotasha will be a more appropriate word for it).

But being a pessimist helped me lot.I am always prepared for the worst of the situtation. BUT WHY?

Do i really want the negatives to happen?????

NO.

Not at all.Its the deep urge from inside to see and feel the positive ,that keeps the worst in my mind to keep me prepared for the next confrontation, in case the recent one fails.

So, being a pessimist is not being negative, or really wishin n praying for something devastating, but merely keeping the mind prepared, so that in case something wrong goes, the mind dont get a severe shock and be able to stannd up again and face the next battle boldly enuf...

Well, thats my view point .I know most people will not get and readily accepy my viewpoint.

But i cant help it. Am just like that....

MISTAKES.....

Mistakes ~~the name is somehow inspired by Chetan Bhagat's latest novel, but in noway it's contents are related with the novel's ,coz i havnt yet got the chance and time to go thru d Novel.





According to me 'Ideal Mistakes' just like Ideal Gases(following gas law PV=nRT) hardly exist, But 'Real mistakes' do.



By Ideal mistakes ,I mean Mistakes dat seem wrong from all and every viewpoints irrespective of any time.



Mistakes~ It's quiet an ambiguous and apparent term to me. The particular thing which may seem alrite at dis moment may be proved a tremendously wrong one after few moments, may be due to the change of circumstance, time or age. Also the way round i.e a thing thats seeming to be a damn idiotic mistake may be proved a nice decision some time later.
Also the thing varies from person to person.The thing that is pretty nice to me, may be erroneous in some else' eyes; and the thing that is damn wrong according to me, may be OK to you.



So, time plays quiet a vital role in givin the tag 'mistake' or 'right'.






In my life i have done loads of mistakes.......Often it evn seems to me d number of mistakes done by me in my life , far surpasses the number of "right things" done by me.


Well, at times i feel : "no" they were not really wrong ,as i just gave indulgence in watevr my heart said.And the world of famous and evn 'not-so' famous ppl keep on saying "Do watevr ur heart says." Then most of my mistakes are not really mistakes, as i did so only bcz i felt like doing so.




Hopefully m not confusing my readers with my concept of mistakes.



Often ppl say they dont get what i say, or what actually i mean to say. I dnt kno whether it's my mistake or their's. I feel my wavelength does nt match with most of those ppl who dont get me(Pathetic enuf, very very less ppl on earth really do get me except my dearest Mom).



Even ,i often get confused n puzzled n go crazzy to find out wat actually i do wanna achieve.
And my damn hearts stops talkin den..





Often it seems i am very happy and i was just born to be a Mechanical engineer and n just get content with it and enjoying the lessons, other time round, i feel like ,taking up this stream was one of the 'ultra' mistakes of my life..:( :( ......I feel like i m not made for these craps~ forging, welding, gascutting n ol dose stuffz; only My LOrd knows how i manage it ol ...[but ya i feel proud aftr doin dose , which are really often done by galz..:) ].

From quiet my early teenage i believe, rather still believe i loved(rather still love) someone.
It was quiet an "thikthak" thing to me, though others persisted it was just a mere crush or infatuation. i argued them for long hrs, ki it was love, as infatuation cant last for 7 long yrs.
In turn they said : how can i love someone about whom i hardly knew anything, n evn dint memorise his face properly.

But i believed i love him.One day proving all other protagonists of the arguers wrong, fate brought him near me and due to Cupid's conspiracy he became an indispensible part of my life and mind too . But it dint last for long and the relation broke off.Well, again m not gonna start whose mistake it really was.Some of our common frnds say it was mine, some say his, some say bothways, whereas some intellectual hickories opine, it was neither my fault not his, it was the fault of the reLation that was never built nicely .....I go gaga jst hearin awl dese stuffz, but hardly pay real heed to anyone's opinion.Continue livin jst like me. Person on the other end of the relation doesnt hold me responsible for the break up, even admires me for telling the truth nd mind out.


Its almost five months am not in the relation anymore.But i really dont know whether i did a mistake by comin out from the relation.
In due course of time, it has come to my knowledge,that, though my momma liked him, my dad dint like him much.I dint like the later fact.

But m happy neither way actually~ m neither ready to get back in the relation again, nor happy widout him.Now, the question is what was the mistake n where it lied....?!!
I am fed up with my mistakes.....When will they really fade???!!!!






Now, comes a mere incident with one of my closest colg pal(suppose whose name is A).We 'used' to be the bestest of frnds.
But this guy had a typical insecurity complex, that is not quiet very common of boys. We were supposed make a PPT(power point presentation), whose topic was given by our teacher and also the group arrangement was done by the teacher.

Now, this guy got a group in which none of the guys nevr had much interaction with him, and the topic needed much discussion amongst the members.
The topic for my group was "world war II" that was pretty enuf to awestruck me, as i am a Huge dumbo in history(though i managed a modest 80 in my X th std board exam).A guy was in my group who used to be a closed frnd of both me and A.

I was only a bit relieved as this guy of my group said me ki he has quiet enuf knowledge about history and particularly on our topic.

Now Mr. A was not at ol a bit pleased with his group members and topic also.So ,without my knowledge and without evn letting me get a bit hint , he went to the teacher along with the guy of my group(who claimed to kno many things abt history and relieved me to some extent) and another one guy of his choice.They made their 3-musketeers group with the brand new topic "NASA". All this happened on a Friday.

And Mr. A called me up on Sunday and spoke casually, without mentioning anything on that topic .It was only when i said ,ki i was a bit relieved due to the guy of my group, he said me maintaining his casual tone , what 'actually' took place.I felt like shivering and the ground below me shook a little.

I really had nothin to say him. I just cut the fone after a very few formal words, and was almost on the verge of crying as the project was in next 15 days and a huge load was on my shoulder, as none other members of my grp had Internet in their home....

I dont know again, whose fault it really was, may be i expected more from a friend being a friend.but this incident kept me well aloof from these guys for quiet a pretty long time. Now, as i hve already mentioned A used to be the bestest of my frnds, aftr sometime i started talking to him, wen he said he really dint understand, why d hell on earth i stopped talkin to him and avoiding him....!!!!!

Grudges stay in mind , u kno, aftr few days ,in course of a very casual talk we agn had a collision and this time face to face n in words.Mr. A declared he doesnt care whether i talk to him or not, and It was I ,not him who talked first last time...!!!!!!!............This was tooo much for me to bear.I cried in class(How idiotic it was, Crying in colg, dats too in a dept. , where all other student are boys......my gosh).

But i hardly talked to him after this incident , except a few incidents like wishing him happy B'day, best o luck, n exchage of a few words in examination hall(well, by this time its quiet an indispensible thing...!!!:P).

Dont know whose 'Mistake' it really was.

Well, no use now of drivin you nuts now..:P..

Photographic skills of a novice photographer.

Well all snaps are taken by me.I dnt claim ki all of them are good , but i can say i like dem n oders say these are quiet good .
By no means i hve some proper knowlegde of the Art of Photography.
I love it.Its my hobby n also passion at times.So, any comments or ideas on developing my photographic skills are most welcome.
Hopefully none will take dese pics n publish elsewhere widout my knowledge.


Starting with this pic, coz many said this is good.



This is a ship on Arabian sea, couldnt adjust it except this diagonal position.




This is a view of The city of Mumbai from Arabian Sea.



On the way to Elephanta Cave.

Elephanta Cave .

This monkey snatched away this coke bottle from one of our co-visitors at Elephanta cave, n started drinking...So smart...!!!!!

Dusky View of Mumbai.

Can u get a bit deformity in this pic?? The outer borders of the building seems bend, coz it was taken by me from a running bus.

Piya Haji Ali at Mumbai.

Sunset at Calangute Beach, Goa.

Anjuna Beach, Goa., from a bit higher level.

My dear dear bro at Anjuna Beach.The background beauty deserves spcl mention.

View of Vagatore Beach Goa, the landscape is truly photographers' heaven.

Vagatore beach, i really liked to take snaps of this beach in particular.

Vagator beach, again, the palm trees add to the awesome beauty of the place.

Vagator Beach with its tourists.

Tourists havin fun in the sea of Vagator Beach.

Sky kissin the sea,view captured from Aguada Fort,Goa.

Mandovi River flowing by the sleek, leaning Beaties~the Palm trees at Goa.

A fountain(the minute white portions) being captured through the gap of tree leaves.

this pic is captured from train on the way to Madgaon(Goa).

Now, take a closer look of the waterfall.Its also taken from train.

A piece of Heaven.Wanted to get down from train and run to this place wen i captured this view.It was jus awesome...

Again a mindblowing view.wish i could be there now..This is also taken from train.

The train was movin at quiet a slow speed n haltin due to the rugged topography n some problem in rail tracks too.

Well, here ends the pics of TOUR.And now comes some from home n near home destination assorted pix.

My favourite topic of Photography~ SKY.

No two moments where we get the same view.

A part of cloudy n a bit of bright evening sky.

A view of my para from our roof top on a rainy evening.

The refreshing greenieries of our locality after a splash of rain.

Here comes some natural beauties of Botanical garden.

View of River Hooghly from inside of Botanical garden.

Witness of many decades~ the famous Banyan tree's prop roots of Botanical garden.

Identity Lost or Too many identities??????

Distance determines Destination or Destiny .....???

Still lush of greeneries do exist.!!!! Let us make dem stay better for ourselves.

Reflection of the greenery on still water.

Few of my friends, gone crazzy n got bak deir childhood in the lap of mother nature.

C/o-sun.

In the shining shimmering abyss...

Aloye fera.....[back to light].

Ei poth jodi na sesh hoy......

But road ends......