Mind out

Awake

2010-11-16T22:24:00.001+05:30

Today, 16th November ’10 I took a vital decision, rather I had some strange realizations. It wouldn’t have been written by me if by any chance the case was just ‘reverse’. How reverse and meaning of this ‘reverse’ will be clear in course of time. For that much period patience of the readers and mine too are expected. At the end I may not end up writing this, may not end up publishing this, may not bother to move according to the ‘changed decision’ even! Never mind, after a long time writing so….. forgive that much of nuisance.!

Still last night 11p.m I was very much OK with my ‘previous decision’ of fleeing away after having a safe amount of monetary deposit and clearing all mental blocks and pillars!
But last night talking with someone on the topic of being truant, suddenly I realized how horrible it really will turn out to be for my parents and loved ones. My parents, who 'made' me in all senses and literally brought back from death, what will happen to them!
I had the idea of ‘vanishing’ one day without anyone letting know anything, without carrying any single stuffs from my home/room/family/friends.

Can it really be possible? I myself am a part of them.
How can I ignore my presence, their presence in me! Did I do so? Do I do so? Or will I do that?
I donno at this moment. This professional life has made me feel the word ‘care’.

Here most of ‘them’ don’t care about their work properly, and ‘caring’ about ‘others’ is totally out of question. Previously I used to think myself rude; coming at workplace I realized, how rude the rest of the world ‘actually’ is! So, far I have been rude with those people (especially 2) who perhaps love me the most on earth. But rest of the world is rude to the one, whom they don’t know even! Am I insane? Or they are mature?

Suddenly amidst this rude and cruel world the thought of moving away , getting ‘vanished’ from the vicinity of my loves shook something inside me.
Can I really do that?
Do I really need to do that?

I wonder!
Am I fleeing away from life?
Am I afraid to face the battle ahead?
I have never been a coward!
But I ended up making all the decisions like a coward.
I became all, what I hated.
I chased all what I dreamt!

I lost all my prizes.
Am I still sleeping?
Or I am Just Awake!

Months of CurseS and BlesseS.

2010-07-17T00:00:00.001+05:30

'17' is now a hard-to-forget-day of my life.

Though my first job's formal joining date was April, 19'2010, as the office was not fully ready for joining of the new employees, I joined the office from 17th May'10. But 3rd June was my last day at that office.I was not much satisfied there as because most of it were paper work , and it was like a punishment for a mechanical engineer to do those stuffs only through out days,nights,weeks and months.
My last semester examination was starting from 8th of June[This examination date also got postponed due to the famous 'MUNICIPAL VOTE' Festival.]
The sinister(oops. semester.,.!!) ended on 15th June with much tensions and chapped nails[As my last examination was my Elective III-Refrigeration and Air Conditioning, and my head was becoming too jammed with all the wires and coils and graphs.]. Among all this my interview result of another company came out, with my name in the confirmation mail. But as
my fate goes, like always - there was small '?' marks on my forehead as beside my name it was written "will be called for another interaction".
Ultimately we were called on 17th June.And after waiting for an hour or so ultimately our turn came, all were given a bunch of forms to fill up, and I was picked up and taken to GM(P & HRD) for 'interaction' with the person under whom I was supposed to be placed. Our medical check ups and all took place and we were given Offer letters that very day , along with the declaration that we were the employees of the company from that day only. We were happy, I was peaceful.
So, from that day my job life started in true and proper sense, the way as I consider it.

Professional life --- It's weird, it's good, it's pathetic, it's sympathetic, it's empathetic.
It's a kind of world, just after the college where I can easily use all the mentioned adjectives together. People are strange- politicians,diplomats, always doing- namby-pamby -ones, jealous ones, zealous one, intimidated ones, dominating ones. I know many of you know this 'real' world', but it's totally a brand new world for me. It's my dream place , yet it's the hard-core reality. I fly here, still I need to fix my feet firmly on the ground to thrive and strive.

Today is another '17', I complete Two months of my professional life. It's hectic, yet I like it. It may kill me, yet I live for it. The person who couldn't stay awake if she didn't have a 8 hrs sleep daily,now works with hardly six and half hours sleep daily. that doesn't matter much, cause she is happy.

PS: Sorry dear friends and readers for being so late to post this. Hope you can understand the phase of tension, anxiety and currently hectic life that I am going through.

Take care.
Have a nice Day.

Just another Story. Part -6

2010-05-10T23:29:00.000+05:30

CONTINUED FROM:
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-1
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-2
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -3
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -4
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-5

Sorry, dear readers, I was very busy with studies and all, and today found a bit time, because the university has postponed the last semester exam from 14th June to some will-be-announced-soon date.

Hope you remember the last part of the story where Anu was sad,as Rishi was harsh, but couldn't express and wrote pages in diary.
A few days passed. Human nature, its unpredictable and uncontrollable. Though fought but couldn't stay apart, couldn't stay far for long without quarreling. After much tears and
sweaty nights, they talked to each other.
They talked like they met after ages. They met like they were meeting after decades. They came closer and closer. Rishi realised that he couldn't control the attraction. Anu hardly thought and pay heed but couldn't control.
The friendly embraces and touches were no longer such, they were deeper and longer. Still,
Anu continued in her oh-I-hate-love facet, but was not able to resist Rishi whenever he came closer. She even didn't feel guilty for it. She dungeoned all the thoughts of so-called-sins and
'should not s'. She had the notion: she was right. Cause she never lied to Rishi, she never said to Rishi that she loved him, but she couldn't resist her to come closer to him. She went closer cause she liked the proximity of their breaths, smell of his air. For her it was pure because she was using herself for the highest reason on earth 'for her good feeling, thats causing harm to none'(somehow her novel-inspired thoughts drove her). Even Rishi had nothing o say against her these idiosyncrasies. But still, she continued to think she was not in love.
The bad news, the good news everything reached Rishi first. Yet nothing in her heart changed.

Among all these some drastic change in her mentality was undergoing due to her family matters.
Her dad was a kind of person, who would blame her mother, if ever Anu dared to say something to him in a high tone. Even when Anu protested against something wrong of his father the same happened, her mother was scolded blamed and abused for daughter's behavior. She literally disliked him for his rude, orthodox and bad behaviors towards his family.

Anu realised the person in front of her in the mirror has also somehow evolved to be like
the person whom she disliked so much.She was abashed,shameful and sad.She remembered how she scolds
and behaves with her siblings and friends, pretty often over pety stuffs.She even realised it
was very hard for her to control her temperament, cause it flowed in her blood. She decided to fight it and break that shell.
She even promised herself, she will change and one day will be better than him, and will be able to behave with him unlike how he behaves with her.

What Is thIs?

2010-03-08T20:32:00.000+05:30

I have a grievance .

Against??!
Don't know exactly against whom? The country, administration or some selfish dolts?!!
The topic is a much much discussed and a much controversial one though, yet I need to speak a bit on the topic and vent out my thoughts.

"Reservation and quotas".

A particular national level exam has 84 seats out of which 52 are for OBC,18 for SC/ST/PH. So for general candidates '14' seats are allotted. Isn't this an injustice?
Backward classes and all stuffs, yeah I know those things, but are we(general caste people) not important? As far my knowledge goes or normal sense says: Number of general category candidates appearing for exams are considerably more than the number of other class people. Reservation is alright for promoting them,for their progress but more than 80% reservation!!!???
Is it really necessary.?!
This has already caused the increase of corruption among all level of people. People already belonging to these backward classes often take the disadvantages of belonging to these categories.
Reservation was made for the purpose of helping the ones who are unable to progress,who remained veiled by customs made by the 'so-called high castes' of the society, who are economically weaker. But as a result of this reservation thing, even the economically richer ones or non-deserving ones(or both) are getting posted in high posts. Apart from this a number of people who doesn't belong to these classes are making fake certificates for gaining (dis)advantages..!!
Is it right in a developing country like India? Doesn't it retard country's progress all the more?Isn't it a black spot on the name of democracy of a 'sovereign' country, somehow?

Firstly, some non-deserving candidates[point to be noted: I am not saying all are not good, or all doesn't deserve, but some really really doesn't deserve.] without proper knowledge or capability spoil the dignity of the position and secondly, Frustration breeds in other deserving candidates. Most are not determined and dedicated enough like "Rizwan khan" to go to the high authority and claim:
"We deserve".

Recently NTPC is recruiting engineers. They are supposed to take 162 mechanical engineers. Well, coming to the main point ,among them : 108 are OBC,36 are general, rest are SC/ST.
IS it really OK? Can this keep on going or this will keep on going?

You

2010-02-08T10:49:00.000+05:30

You are so away.....That
Your smell no more tingle senses,
Though in a crowd often it seems
You are just around...

But I know you are away...
Light years away,
More away than I
Ever expected you to be.

Care- I see it everywhere,
I never wished to have it so much.
I don't like them to care,
Yet they do, but
You don't .

Its just like I am in the mid ocean:
"water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink"!!

They swear to follow me everywhere,
You too did, but you broke the promise.
But I don't care whether they'll keep it or not.

Night knows the pain,
Pillows know the tears,
They cannot consolate, they know.
You can consolate, but you don't know.

Just another Story. Part-5

2010-01-19T21:48:00.005+05:30

CONTINUED FROM:
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-1
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-2
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -3
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -4

Things started getting well. Anu forgetting her momentary discomfort went to see Rishi in hospital whose condition was serious. This was one of the rare times of Anu's life when things didn't worsen. Rishi convalesced soon, somehow may be due to the mental backbone ,that was once again provided by Anu for her best friend. Life became normal for them, though Anu often thought of the future and could never reach any conclusion. For Rishi , future hardly mattered at present, cause at present he was not able to live without 'her' presence anyhow, a single day.
Life apparently became like before. Though from Anu's side it was never the same. 'Rishu' was
'Rishi' now, 'tere jaisa yara kahaan...' ringtone was removed;which was set for 'Rishu's' calls only.

She had some problem in accepting the fact of her best friend loving her so madly.Rishi's doings and manners reminded her again and again he loves her, but not just as a 'best friend'.
Things were going fine, until Rishi wanted to discuss the fact, that its quiet natural for best friends to fall in love,things turned up in different hues all the more because it was a phone conversation and not face to face.

Rishi(R): See, its nothing bad, its universally accepted that best friends turn best partners.(he was talking not for
persuading her to accept the proposal, he was talking just to make things clear)

Anu(A): Please ,I don't want to discuss this topic. I don't care what the universe says. Universe says many things. It only matters what I think.
It's a sort of betrayal for me.....(Anu's voice started choking).

R: I don't understand what's betrayal over here.....Listen, I thought over this for long time,then only reached the fact that yes I......

A: Oooo, so you had that intention for long......

R: Ahh..as usual you are not getting me. Intentions remain there where girls are targetted..but I never had anything.I liked
You in the course of interaction with you... I never started with an intention of approaching you....

A: I donno, You all are same .I hate you people. just get away from my life. If you need me I'll always be there, and if I need you,
I am enough selfish to ask for that.. so no use now in staying in this 'oh-so-precious-friendship'. I don't bother about.....

R: I know you don't bother.I know you can live without those things, but I can't. I know if I move away, you won't be having any trouble. You are
strong and brave,I am not. I'll not be able to take it...

A: (trembling voice,her mind was wandering in search of words).... Am keeping the phone now...

R: Lis..........
Ting.
Half an hour later an sms entered Anu's mobile:

"I hve done big mistakes.Sory fr evrything I hve done in past yrs. sorry for not understanding u ever. i'm really a kid, i never undrstood i wud get such behaviour frm u fr my feelings.bt i cnt resist myself doin dt,srry fr dat also. i ws sufring frm d frustrtion ki, none undrstnds me, now dt wil persist.let it be.i m staying where i am,i m ready to face watevr wil b hapning now,nobody cares. i also dnt care.watevr u wanted things wil b like dat,u cary on.
Good luck L...
take care,bye.
Hope u will be happy from now."

For moments Anu was blank.She could'nt follow up what's going on...
Then she smsed rishi,that didn't reach his mobile as it was switched off.
Then she opened up her diary and started writing:

Dear diary,happy new year.
You can never be best friends with your best buddy, after you discover he loves you and you don't have such feelings for him.
And it's worse when you cannot explain to him why you can't be best buddies anymore. But it's a fact, you can't be. You can't be that close to him...you can't discuss things as freely as you used to do earlier.
Cause: You start having the basic tendency of avoiding that person as you do to most people who have feelings for you, but you don't have anything for him.
You become conscious while talking,you become more aware whether your words are taken in other ways, whether your attitude, behaviors, words are hurting your 'once' best friend.
You want to gaurd that person from further hurts. But that person takes it otherwise. He understands, you avoid him only for the sake of yourself, for your own peace.
He hardly understands your emotion . That's not his fault . He loves you.But it's really hard to make him understand your cares and feelings, its hard to make him understand you are his
well-wisher from the bottom of your heart.
When you talk about other guys, your marriage and such stuffs, he somewhere gets hurt,immensely hurt, and you can feel it. But he doesn't understand that you do.
Jokes really doesn't help at those times. And its tough to go on like that. You cannot go ahead, you cannot regress. Ahead you can't go as you have someone else in your mind, you can't regress in the fear of hurting him.
I pray none ever falls in this situation. It's not a matter of loosing love, but it's a matter of loosing and hurting your bestest friend. It hurts like hell.

I chose to walk away from many friends in my life. They were all much beloved of mine, much close to my heart. I loved them all in some way or the other(may be not in the way they wished to be loved).
But I ended up hurting them, which I never wanted to do. They were hurt by me, It was hard for me to accept that particular fact. So I wished they were not hurt any more by me. And so when situations are such , where I can't promise myself that
I'll not be hurting them anymore ,I prefer to move away. I feel sudden death is better than blows in installments. And in these cases where it's pretty sure they will be hurt again in future, I don't dare to take the chance of continuing with them.
They may be sad now, but with time grief will be healed and they will be saved from the worse blow.But they never got the way I love them, never......

The pages turned mushy with teardrops and inks, and rashes of paper. She got up, washed her face, and decided not to cry again, cause she was right, and one day others will surely understand that.

But she was worried as the Rishi's phone was stil switched off.
That night in her dreams the mighty knight came to bless her with his sword.

Then:
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -6

Have you?

2009-12-26T09:25:00.000+05:30

Have you ever:

1. Sat blank for half an hour in the examination hall?
2. Felt like never to go outside your room?
3. Felt so content that, wished to stop earth's rotation?
4. Thought, actually what are you doing right now?
5. Sat on a table in a resto,between tables of the one crazy for you and the one you are crazy for, and the latter one sitting with his girlfriend?
6. Just wanted to run out and shout?
7. Wanted to kill yourself just because you are right?
8. Wanted to marry the person you hate most?
9. Wanted to punch many people together?
10.Stopped talking to your friend cause he/she gives you ideas from heart ,not brain?

Well well well, may be many of you have affirmative answers of many of the above questions.But I have positive answer for all of them.
Thats strange? ehh..not that much ...
After soo many days, I am writing here, and I feel like asking you soo many questions, well obviously you are not bound to answer.:D
My semester ended the day before yesterday and now I have plenty of time to make a set of question paper for myself and compensate for whatever I missed out in the answer paper..:P
Its been a bad day for me, today, though it was Christmas. Still I am not that ill to spare you from asking these stupid questions.
From some of the above questions it may seem I am a bit frustrated. Noway, I'm not, may be a bit depressed. but it's party time, no time for being sad, yuhooo......
Happy New year In Advance to you all.

The odd man out.

2009-12-08T12:02:00.002+05:30

In this world of utter selfishness and bitterness , some too good men still do exist.

Here comes a story of a guy, just 21, but a whole lot different from most others.
He is perhaps not suitable in this mean world of 21st century..
This not a story, a very true incident, and too good to believe, if you haven't seen him truly.

But I am lucky enough to get such a person as my classmate. He is too good for the world. The character may seem a reel-one but its a real-one.

A true human being he strives to be from every aspect of his life.

But may be some, after hearing about him ,may say ,that he is not really ' good'.

Well, lets start.The Auto fare from Garia to our remote college stoppage was Rs.5.50 then.
This guy used to travel by auto. And most of us are acquainted with these days' south kolkata's autowalas(~~no offence intended~~) who are famous for their movements in the most static traffic, their lingo and their OTT behaviours..This guy pays normal fare everyday.

But one day, somehow an auto wala paid him back Rs.6 as a balance for Rs. 10 ,what my friend paid(originally he was supposed to get Rs.4.50, as d fare was Rs. 5.50) and before he could say anything the auto passed away with high speed..Now, this guy was in problem (as he felt it was not a right thing to give inappropriate amount of money to d autowala..).So what he did???

guess..

guess..

guess..

No, he didn't ran after the auto...
He just dropped a 1 Re.coin and a 50 P. coin on the road....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because according to him~ it was no more his, as the autowala actually deserved IT...

What to say??!!!

Another incident:
He was coming to college on that day by train.The train arrived at the platform , just as he entered the station.So, as he was just on time, couldn't go and buy a ticket, just boarded on the train, without ticket(Which is Strongly against his principles....)..

So what to do???

All day he was in a bad mood as 'strong sin-sense' was working in him....
So what he did?
While returning back home by train,he bought TWO tickets and threw one away..!!!!!!

He is not a very regular college-goer. So whenever he goes to college he takes the class-notes from other people for getting it xeroxed. Now by any chance if theres even a slight wrinkle in any of the pages of the notes he would give a new gum stick, a new cellotape to the notes-owner along with his/her notes..we become speechless at his such mannerisms, yet can't protest. Once we took the gum(which he gave one of us along with the notes) back to the college stationary shop and in exchange took a pen and somehow gave it to him, and fortunately he accepted without understanding the real story behind the pen..:)

I ,rather we don't get this man...We all shout at him, crazy, eccentric, lunatic and don't know what else...But he continues in his strange (morale) ways...
There are many such incidents of his....
But we really can't make out whether he is tooo good a person or just a crazy fool ..!!

Just another Story. Part -4

2009-12-05T20:18:00.007+05:30

CONTINUED FROM:
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-1
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-2
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -3

Anu messed up her life. She was trying to sort it out hard, she was fighting to stay jolly among all the odds of her life. While with her family,she always showed her least emotions, thoughts and feelings.She tried to become busy with her work and career issues,as she thought staying busy will take her away somehow from her abundant mundane troubles.

Some day a particular relative of her told her " You are actually very rude,You have less emotions in you,that's why you can be so harsh on others'. Those who are emotional tolerates the jabberings of the unemotionals like you." It was quiet hard for her to accept this specific statement, yet she tried to catch up a curve in her face and only one face rose in her mind Rohit .

Another day she was talking to her mom casually .
Bending over her lean body Anu murmered "Mom,I think I need to loose a bit frm my tummy....."

Before she completed her mom gave a stern reply "You are absolutely ok, rather put on some on that thin figure. What will your in-laws say?!"....

Anu was shocked " Now wherefrom do they hail from?".

"We say nothing to you now, doesn't mean we won't ever say anything.You have to marry.
Whatever you say or whatever you do, You will have to marry,Don't think you will always fly like this and keep on fighting with
people around you..!!"

Anu's parents even started showing serious interests in some of the marriage proposals that came for their daughter.
Anu could'nt utter anything, as situations worsened and her dad always scolded her mom whenever she said or atleast tried to speak anything in Anu's for, against marriage stuffs.

Anu could'nt carry on with the argument, left the room in utter disgust.

Earlier she always had Rishi by her side to share all these itsy-bitsy things,but now she preferred not to share.
For quiet a number of days she was absolutely without contact with Rishi; recieved none of his calls, replied to none of his SMSes. One day when Rishi couldn't take it anymore he
came to meet Anu at her home, but she didn't even came down to meet him. This was like a shock to Rishi.However strong his heart could be diagnosed his atrium and ventricles were not strong enough to tolerate such behaviour from his best friend and the one whom he loved so much. He started to try to cope with such strange behaviour of Anu, but in vain. It was hard , very hard....

The problem was that, he couldn't still understand why exactly Anu was upset with him and was denying to interact in anyway with him, and also he was not able to discuss the matter with anyone.
He cried hard.It was one of the rarest times in his adolescence when Rishi cried!! He spend days without food, all alone in his room, without letting anyone outside know, what storm was going inside.

He fell ill, tremendously ill. Mental trauma along with physical weakness carried him almost near death.
Anu's arrogance still prevented her from getting in contact with her ill best friend. Her mind and brain fought. Arohi suggested her again and again to go and see him before anything more serious and difficult happened.
Once again Anu was in dilemma - To go or not to go...if she goes and if Rishi thinks that she had feelings for him-all these things started cropping in her mind and gulped her days and nights.She sat blank for hours with random romantic songs running in her ear via the cord of her ipod.She thought she had no idea of her life after being financially established. She thought of the mosquito that was trying to squeeze in between her ear and headphone, she thought of it, that it never knew it would be dead the next moment. Among all these non-sense thoughts she couldn't arrive at the final decision that was enough urgent to be made. Procrastination was now a part of her especially on some points..!

She only muttered " God, why why ,why always these things happen with me??"

Then:
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-5
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -6

social 'I' 'sing'

2009-12-04T02:49:00.000+05:30

I am often termed ‘unsocial’ by my parents ,as I refuse to show up when some guests come(who are pretty much unwanted and unliked by Me). I refuse to go to the ceremonies and rituals that I hardly respect or believe in. I hardly feel like giving a smile to the (oh-)so-acquainted one on road and ask how and what is his/her late(40’s/50’s) child doing…..sorry I am not interested.!

I hate It. I have loads of problems and things in my life to sort out and work out apart from asking others their problems and giving advices to them….I don’t like it, when the parrot-nosed aunty gives a jaunty smile to my mom and says her, pointing at me “ Your girl is nice, but she din’t grow so much tall like you?!”. I feel like asking “Do you have doubts on your eyesights? And why my dear? Did you have any very tall eligible bachelor roaming about in your mind(for me)?...”…:P….
Alas!!! I can’t ask that ….can only make arcs, curves, parabolas, hyperbolas by my lips and cheeks…![..:(. ,.:),.:D.,:P.,.:O,.:X….]

Society------ We are social beings living here. These days the so-called social creatures are hardly to be found by the sides when needed most,but are always present to criticise behind curtains and throw inquisitive glances,and often stares too..(well, I do agree that I am myself one of that lot.Don’t know whether people like me made the society like this or the society compelled in making people like me…I think in some case its relative and in some cases directly proportional)

I dislike a thousand such stuffs. Another widespread _______(don’t know what to say it -custom/ ritual/ social norm/ responsibility?!) is attending marriages, death rituals, anniversaries,parties, divorces (and don’t know what else..) often inspite of not feeling like going(in some cases I and we obviously feel like going, now don’t say you always like and feel like going to such places,I won’t believe that even if you say..!..:P).
But yet,it’s a must. WHY? Because when it will be your turn they won’t come , and being a social being, during any sorrow or happiness others’ presence is indispensible..!.

I am not much interested to go to my NRI cousin’s marriage. My mom states: “ Well, you don’t go . But then don’t expect them at your marriage or your child’s rice-eating ceremony.”. “My dear dear mom I am not a graduate yet, and you have gone so soo far..Well I don’t expect others to come..”

In this cases I am a great fan of Ayn Rand(in case you also are , I hope I don’t need to explain). She says we all live for oursleves and we should do what we feel will be good for our selves only,never to do charity, to get what we deserve, do obtain what we want, to achieve what we dream.

On this context I remembered that particular SMS(don’t know whether it’s truly related to the context or not):

At marriages old ppl used 2 pull my cheeks n say “u r nxt”….They stopped wen I strtd doin d same at funerals.What a crazy World.!!

Well, now what do you say? Do you like always like socialising ?[keep the thought of gaping and stomach-worship away for a moment….:)…]

Just another Story. Part -3

2009-11-23T18:56:00.006+05:30

CONTINUED FROM:
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-1
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-2

Anu was disturbed . She had some family troubles. According to her,her parents were perfectly imperfect for each other. They quarelled and fought with each other so much, that made Anu temperamentally unsuited to family life.The way her father treated her and behaved with her, she couldn't bear it and thought it would be impossible for her in her future to marry and live with some man;when she couldn't tolerate her father's attitude how will she accept someone under the same roof whom she hardly knows. She was avoiding relations and people involved in relations. These reactions in her sub-conscious mind somehow affected her social life.
Everyone started seeming different to her with time.

One of her big problems was turning to be Rishi. She started feeling a difference in him. She felt somehow Rishi was actually wanting to be more than just best friends to her. His touches were different. Those consolating soothing embraces were changing. Rishi has changed - this thought was pinning her constantly. The last day Rishi hold her, she sensed as if Rishi was feeling her, it was not the same friendly hugs; it was different, and Anu didn't like it. But she couldn't tell Rishi anything about this as she thought this might hurt him, in case she was wrong. She was not sure because she had great trust on Rishi, and if it was really like what she was guessing and had felt it would hurt her severely.

As days passed Rishi was more and more in love with Anu. He tried to support her in every possible way. But yes, as he was now in love, things were much different to him, unlike Anu. When Anu and he were close or when she needed his consolations, she was no more his best friend but his inamorata(for him). He hold her the way, he would never let her go away. Anu tried to tear herself away, but in vain;Rishi's strong hands and a burning heart couldn't let her go.

But Anu, inspite of being a modern girl still had some very conservative ideologies. The things she didn't like, none could actually make her like those. The incident affected her. She was creating distance between herself and Rishi, though she herself tried to move the incident out of her mind. She thought, from the next time she'll be conscious and won't let her be that close to Rishi that may cause her later-awkward thoughts and feelings. She also blamed herself somehow for her ill-feelings towards her best friend. Rishi was quiet able to understand how Anu was trying hard to avoid interactions with him, but he could hardly make out what it was. The last day they met ,she didn't even bid a good bye to him, nor looked at his face. This hurt him severely.he kept on wondering what was disturbing her.

Anu believed in platonic relations. She coludn't protest when Rishi was in her love , but she didn't like his 'that way' approach. Anu doesn't look on intimacy as a guilt, but according to her 'that'sort of closeness without one's will was never to be welcome.

Anu was once again breaking down as she was moving away from Rishi. In middle of the night she cried aloud 'Rohit where are you?Why you came to me? I ask you only this cause I can't blame you for leaving me,I know I was somehow wrong....Rohit...Rohit.....' .She tried to gather her lost strength from Rohit's name. He was not in her life anymore, but for Anu he was just ubiquitous as always .

Then:
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -4
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-5

Bad time again.

2009-11-21T13:59:00.000+05:30

Again that particular bad phase of life has arrived. The weather is soo nice, winter just coming, no fan, and the cosiness of sheets, shawls and blankets luring mind.. But sem is hardly 3 weeks away(We don't know the date yet, our university discloses the sem date just 7 or 8 days before , pathetic..!) .Well this is my 2nd last semester of my graduation.Yet its no less horrible than others.
As its the last year, we have so many non-departmental subjects. In a way I hate them sometimes..
Engineering economy and financial management one of the horrendous subjects. Cashbook, passbook,trial balance, balance sheet etc etc etc..oh my god...all alien things. and we (inspite of being being science students)are supposed to mug up all those. The terms only seem alien. And under one subject theres basically two subjects, economics is also there, uffff....and its not possible to give stress on a part, as we never know
whats going on in the paper setters' mind. Its pathetic.
And as the sem approaches I just feel al the more sleepy and hungry....
As I start reading, I feel like sleeping and soon I do fall asleep and when the mozzies ('3 mistakes' term for mosquitoes..:P) awake me I feel hungry. But often if I don't get anything or anyone at home, I switch on the music or computer or sit with another story book.
Engg. ethics is a subject and when I open the book I feel I know all those and when I see the previous years' question paper I feel sick. They give questions worth 15marks each and many of them have no part markings...:(...history..history history..my mind aches thinking of my future hand pain..:P

Machining, material science are interesting but I forget what I read last when I read the new topics..
Operation research and industrial management(OR &IM) is another subject...well operation research is almost done, but IM part....its a big fat book itself and all theory and no maths..it makes me feel sick..

And theres project works-mine being design of truss. Our group almost completed the theoritical calculation parts but, another teacher declared that,that will not do properly and we need to do a practiacal and proffessional ,with all the loads brought under considerartion(wind, living,self-weight etc etc) and that again put fresh loads on us... Over loads take me to the stage of fatigue, hope its not 'failure'.:P

Ahem..god save me this sem(as he does often..:))

Award time.

2009-11-21T12:19:00.001+05:30

Another award. Its long I am getting awards but not giving anyone..:P. So deceided this time to award some people, though I don't like the concept of awarding a few and not all.
Rohit Dassani has awarded me this one.Thank you Rohit.

Yet the rule goes.. But before bestowing the award according to rule I am to unfold '7' that none knows about me(You need to do the same when you get this award.). Well thats a bit hard, cause I am an
extrovert person and theres almost nothing and listing '7' such stuffs is a pretty hard job.. And being such an extrovert even if such things remain which none knows,well, then perhaps none is supposed to know.:P
Well let share with you somethings that you are not supposed to know:..:)[now happy..??:)...]

1.I was born as a premature baby and there were rare chances of my existance.
2.I did and do things which shock many people.
3.People says(rather claims..:P) they love me for my weirdness.
4.I became a story-book-worm only after my 10th std(i.e the time when i started hating study-books..:P).
5.I am a very selfish person.But I help and am always with people who are with me.I hate charity.
6.I am very short-tempered.I get angry even if any of my family members touch the morning newspaper before me.
7.I dream to lead a very luxurious life, but alone.

Well I am done over with the worst part.. Now the award ceremony... A huge round of applause for alll of you....
The award goes to:
chocolate lover,
Mahesh Sindbandge,
Anoop,
Being Pramoda...,
Atulya,
Vittaldas Prabhu,
Yellow Tulip ....

Well thats all for now, Congratulations to all...Best of luck keep writing.

Train of ThoughtS

2009-11-13T18:29:00.001+05:30

So many things moving around in my head, yet I am not writing for quiet a long time. Because I was not in the mood for writing, I was actually busy doing one of my most favourite thing...simply being lazy. Everyday I thought of writing, yet I didn't feel like typing .
I felt like talking with people. But unfortunately (or may be fortunately) there's none around with enough patience to listen to my whole range gripes and tripes.
Here in blog at least I can express my words and some nice people reads my blogs and praise my writings, which I never thought, could happen.

Just a few days back(when I was in my lazy phase) I read a book We The Living by Ayn Rand. Loved it , loved it very much. Its about post effect of revolution in Russia, but it was a very romantic one. But the thing is that , the book has infused a typical anti-communist mentality in my head. Now I hate communism(well its not like that, that I was a huge patron of communism before reading the book; I just developed a sort of hatred towards communism after reading the book). Well, on this topic I remember one thing, I have got very much influenced by various people and books many times in my life.
Ayn Rand in her writing presents her own convictions, which are , not a bit, but quiet a much deviated from normal thoughts.
Communism is the ideology , where there will be no classes in the society, there will be no distinction between a worker or a manager and everyone will be the owner of every organisation , with everyone working as much as they can, but will be earning on the basis of what they need, Not what they deserve.
I don't think this thing to be a bit practical. Its not possible to work as much as one can, most of the times, and again its a sort of injustice to give one what he needs, not what he deserves. All human beings are not equal, everyone's intelligence or physical strength is not equal, everyone's ambition is not equal. Communism is a barrier for the outstanding; if he wants to do , own something then it will not be his' but all's. Is it possible? Is it acceptable?

So, stratas in society is quiet obvious.
I do agree , capitalistic society is most often excruciating for the subordinates, since the owner desires the maximum possible benefits,but I don't think communism is the solution The one who is working hard and the one not doing so can never own equal possessions.
Why on earth do we live for?For whose sake? Ourselves. Living is self-reverence.

So, I don't understand the ideology of not doing what one wishes to,and of not getting the full one deserves.

******************************

Another thought was moving around, in my head....escapism and hedonism.
Well, I think I am a hedonist, I do most of the things for myself, for my happiness. I try to live my life keeping myself happy. For being happy it is often required to be a escapist. Don't you agree ?

Interaction with someone makes you sad? Do you prefer to say you, an escapist when you avoid that person? May be yes, but I don't see anthing bad in it, cause its done just for self. May be often its termed selfishness. Well, aren't we really meant to be so? We have only one life (that's even predicted to end on 2012...:(.. hehe.) so we should live on our terms and for our goodnesses and joys. Also there's a controversy regarding this, in my head. If someone gets joy always doing harm to the others, then what will happen to others.?! Well, I really don't think anyone can get true joy by doing intentional harm to others.

******************************

Now , a poem, that was in mind for a time, but today the Bryan Adam's songs instigated me to write it.

You loved me, you said you do so.
I was in love,
Enough, enough to be blind in that.
Now I often think,
What you did.!
You loved me, or Always just
Wanted me to love you?!

I am not blaming you,
Not a bit,
I don't even dare to do so.
I just still love you
As it was years back,
I will love you
As it was years back.

I walk the life
With my shadow
But I am not alone
The memories I still cherish.
I don't need others' love,
I now hate those
Who Claim they love Me..!!
I prefer to be alone.

I am alone, not lonely,
I am alone, by choice,
Not by Chance.

I still love you,
The only difference is
I want you nomore.
I need you nomore.
I see you nomore.

                                                        **************************

Ahhh, I am feeling so light after saying(oops writing!) soo much..:)

Just another Story. Part-2

2009-10-31T14:05:00.006+05:30

Continued from: Mind out: Just another Story. Part-1

Anu unlike most of the times grew a bit matured this time. She didn't tell anyone that Rohit called , not even to her best friends Arohi and Rishi. She even didn't give any clue to anyone how much sad, how upset she really was. At last she was able to conceal her feelings somehow - she thought. Arohi lived a bit distant cause she lived in other state for study purposes , so all the time it was not possible for Anu to share everything with her. But Rishi , being Anu's best friend and staying side by side most of the times ,always understood her, often even the unuttered things.
But this time, Rishi even didn't understand. May be because Rishi was a bit busy with himself unlike most other times when he always delves in Anu's mind. They were good friends , rather best friends for years, not childhood ones though.
Anu was almost a baby to him and together they would look like anything --- brother-sister, girl friend-boy friend, artist and his art, best friends. Rishi and Anu both treasured their precious friendship and they were so much confident that they even did'nt pay any heed to what others' thought of their being together for so much time, because they knew there was nothing 'something else'. Anu continued to flow in thoughts of Rohit , being determined not to place anyone else below Rohit's diadem and not even trying to bring anyone else in her thoughts. And also most of the times she didn't keep her thoughts to herself only, Anu felt secured in the often warm emraces of Rishi, Rishi was there, a safe shoulder to cry on and a safe locker to put all the thoughts and feelings safely locked.

Rishi was a boy with strong wills, dedications , determinations who always respected Anu's all thoughts and feelings, however idiotic at times they may be. Even when Anu used to get upset with guys approaching her, Rishi always calmed her down... But things always doesn't go uniformly. No one really understands the chicanery of fate and mind, however cherubic at times they may be. Enthereal moments they shared were never a sort of billet-doux for them. But 'stupid cupid' with much patience and time created iridescent hues in Rishi's mind . Yes, Rishi was madly in love with Anu. He tied his mind and tried hard not let Anu know anything about that. But Anu was a girl and above all Rishi's best friend who used to make out so many of his problems even before Rishi thought of telling them to Anu, No exception this time. Anu understood. Again it was somehow a bad situation for Anu, perhaps worse. What to say your best friend , what are the word to console that person who loves you madly but doesn't even expect anything in return!! Anu was again befuddled, about what she should do.!
Arohi suggested her not to be the sameway any more. Arohi asked her to stop all her childish behaviours and kiddish requests and throw them away. Anu was sad. She was again on the verge of loosing a friend?!! Rishi didn't allow her to do so. He promised her not to pick that topic again. But Anu thougt she should become bit cautious , so that in no way Rishi should feel or start expecting 'something' in return.
They continue to be friends ; together '~~stopping~~' to think about '~~their~~' future, one trying hard to ~~confide~~ love, One fighting hard to keep safe distance from so much of 'loves' all around.

As the planet rotates our lives also rotate and we never know whats really waiting for us in the next turning point. Just as Anu, Rohit, Rishi , Arohi all waiting for the 'Next'.

THEN GO TO:
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -3
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -4
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-5

Random thoughts.

2009-10-28T22:16:00.000+05:30

I wonder how the crowd has encircled me.
Early teenage solitude seems a bliss now.
Works to be done, responsibilities to be carried out.
Going gaga for various things at various times.

Just Dreaming to be alone now.
Who will let me ,to be so?

Often I feel lost in these
Dastardly earthy hues.
So much ears, so much eyes
Open just for me?
Just to praise or criticise me.!?
Or just they pretend..!!!
I hear and see so much of them.
Never felt so crowded ever before...

Zonked of hearing the jabberings.
Euphorian dreams exhorting the cravenly mind.
Yet...
I need some space, some solitude
Some bliss.

Its not:
"The tyrant claims freedom to kill freedom".
I have plenty of it.
Yet the 'yet' remains.
I am confused,
I am lost
Nowhere....

Just another Story. Part-1

2009-10-19T22:42:00.007+05:30

Its almost two years now ,of break up between Anu and Rohit.

Anu loved Rohit from the time she started understanding the meaning of 'love', in her early teenage.But ,destiny played game with her.
He moved far away from her, with no scope of contact and rohit had no idea about her feelings at all. They were not friends, not among relatives even, they just knew each other..

Some seven years later they met. Anu was overwhelmed, just by realising Rohit recognised her face , seen long seven years back. Nothing went wrong then onwards. Rohit approached her and proposed her even, which was almost a chimera to Anu for years. So many people told her and tried to convince her that she couldn't wait for someone or 'just' love someone without seeing or even knowing much about him, for soo many years . But she did, at least, then she believed she did.
Time passed on . Those were the happiest days of her life. Those moments, those thoughts , feelings...yeah,she got the man she loved , though she never desired. She loved without any expectations. she loved without a little bit of hope of getting Rohit ever in her life. So when in reality things happened that way ,it was not really a dream come true for her. She never dreamt of that. She prayed for him, loved him, even wished him to be happy with someone else if he was in love with someone else( she
had no idea though what was going in his life or whether at all anyone was in his life).

Good times never lasts. It was not an exception for Anu's airy-fairy tale and her hunky-dory world.
They broke up. She was having adjustment problems. A number of times she started feeeling she was insulted , her morale, her principles were looked down upon, and often crushed even. She couldn't tolerate all those. As they were together ,breaking all prognostications, they parted breaking all predictions.

He was first in her life, but she was not the first one in his life. After Anu and Rohit broke up, Rohit went back to his first girlfriend(oops love..!) who claimed she always loved him , though Rohit left her due to some mere misunderstandings.
But Anu was alone. She loved to live that way, without inculcating any other 'especial' person in her life. She was happy being alone. She had no expectations from anyone.
The only thing changed in her was her mentality. She was determined not to be committed again. She was prepared to lead the rest of her life by her own. She didn't feel anybody's need in her life any more.

Days passed.
Rohit was traversing his ups and downs of life with another girl by his side --- this thought often hurt Anu, and often she was satisfied and happy thinking Rohit was no longer morosed for her,he was no longer living their memories as Anu still did.

Two years later on Rohit's birthday Anu wished him via SMS,not a call. He thanked and called her. It was 12.26 A.M. The conversation went. ...

Rohit[R]: Hello....

Anu [A]: Hello.

Rohit: how are you?

Anu: I am well as always...

R: Good.

A: yeah I know.

R: so.... whats going in your life?

A: studies, exams, gossips , music and everything thats required for me and myself.

R: Well thats essential part of life. What else, whats goin on in your personal life? Is there anyone now in your.......

A: No, I didn't feel any requirement of anyone else in my life. And what all happened in my life even if I blame someone,Its me.....

R: You are still very angry on me, right?

A: Why should I be? I am happy with whatever life gifted me. I never thought of getting it. I have no objections or complaints against anyone. And I don't blame myself generally, Cause I love myself the most on earth.And well the way I felt myself to be insulted, I want none any more. What do you think if you now wish me to be back in your life I'll be...Never.

R: Hmmmm ...Good, thats very good ki you don't blame yourself....

A: yeah I know, and apart from that there are actually soo many things going on in my life. Each week rather each day of my life is eventful for me...

R: Do you still remember me often?

A: Why should I?

R: Answer my question.

A: (Anu's voice started trembling and cracking....) Why should I remember You?

R: You are lieing...I know you are. Have some water now.

A: Yeah I had, Why should I lie?

R: Can't you answer a single answer properly and straight? You are not in your best manners now....

A: If I am not, Well I can't behave better than this....

R: You have remained the same...

A: Hmmm....

R: I am feeling sorry now, I didn't wish you on your b'day. Actually something very wrong was or is still going on in my life..I'll tell you someday....Sorry I didn't wish you...

A: Doesn't matter. I didn't expect or want anyone's wish.

Rahul: Well I didn't ask for your opinion, I said I felt sorry for not wishing...Actually today after coming out of office all of a sudden I remembered you...

Anu: ok ok....sorry...

R: Hmm.. so now ,can I give you a call ,often?

A: Whats the use?

R: Why don't you answer a single question clearly...Can I call you?

A: No, please no, No need. I am happy with the past memories, I don't want to refresh them And I don't want you as my friend or brother or any other thing on earth. I loved You and I still cherish many of my memories with you. Its better to relish ice-cream frozen and chicken soup hot... Will you like them the
other way round??

R: hmmm okk....so... now go to sleep...

A: hmm ok(no words were coming out now)..bye. good night...

And She hung up.... Then she burst into her usual tears. But this time this phone call made her stronger. She felt bad when he asked him whether she still remembers him or not, whether he can still call her or not..Didn't he really knows the answers.!
So what was his purpose?! To cool her down and consolate her, Or her first love again left him and he wanted Anu back.!!
Why are some rather most men so insensible, so selfish,and so unfeeling...!! Anu wondered.
She spoke to herself and once again confirmed her determination of not committing to anyone in life... One who hardly respected her thoughts, her feelings.. one who was so obfuscated with himself that he hardly looked around...He asked soo many questions.
But she hardly did any.Perhaps she didn't have any curiosity , or perhaps she had all the answers...!!
She had one question to ask "How are you?"..But she didn't ask. Because she thought she would be sad with any of the answers.
It was already very late and she was more than tired physically and mentally.....she thought and thought untill sleep engulped her and relieved her.

THEN :
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-2
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -3
Mind out: Just another Story. Part -4
Mind out: Just another Story. Part-5

Happy Diwali

2009-10-15T21:01:00.006+05:30

Happy Diwali.

Though now, at this moment its not seeming so 'happy' ,to me. After a very hectic day, tolerating some pretty much 'attyachars'(both emosanal and mansic(k).....) of friends, foes and some government employees(They really suck...!!...:X) ,I came back just an hour back. I had a severe headache (same old migraine), so darkened the room and wanted to have a nap....

But ..but.. who lets me to have it now...!!! In spite of all the stars and moons shouting in all the medias possible 'to turn down the volume ' some dumbs , cracks and jerks are having fun throwing those bombs and that today(though they already started 'bombing' few days back I realised the true pain today)....and destroying my sleep and increasing my pain...
I don't understand how can people get and have fun hearing to all sorts of loud, eerie,and strange sounds[also I 'try' to understand at wwhat rate actually people are becoming rich (beyond reach), so that they can afford so much more to make soo loud sounds by burnings MOnEY..!!...why don't they give me some!!!?...:P....:( .....]. I myself never ever , even as a child had fun with these stuffs..

I am not much fond of the firecrackers and stuffs even... That may be because I am a bit scared of fire and heat and a bit conscious about myself..:P(well that's typical of a girl, I know, I know...but who said I have to lack feminine characters being a girl only...:P......~ a bad joke though..!!)
But the light and the fire designed ones are much tolerable , they give pleasant feelings to one's eyes at least .... But how on earth can such loud sounds give people pleasure...!!!!! I really don't understand, rather I don't want to do so...

Police raids in many bomb and firecrackers shops. They don't get any of those bombs either or if they get, they confiscate them all and take those to their own abodes. A friend of mine, daughter of an S.I of police or something like that told me herself that her dad and his companions bring these loud stuffs every year during Kali puja(Diwali) and they have fun... Waaaaoh...!! isn't that great( indeed) ??!!!
How do U expect to abolish crime from somewhere where the guard is only the thief..!!
Anyways no use going in these Hide and Seek game now.... But yeah they spoiled my sleep now, and that caused me to scribble this piece again, as most of the time happens(something urges me to write,and I come and speak out my mind here, though often I also write just like that).

Well, if you like sounds and all I don't have anything to say. Have a happy and safe Diwali...If You don't pay heed to my advices at least have a look at the stars and moons[mo(r)ons] on your TV screen(from Ranvir to sooo many small screen actors and actresses are screaming out there in fact Just for YOUR safety....!!)

HAPPY DIWALI and HAPPY KALIPUJA.

Format.

2009-10-10T22:53:00.000+05:30

My computer has been formatted....

The things that I wanted to retain are there....I wanted my collection of 16 GB of music to be untouched, so they are there....But some of my very valuable and precious things I have lost...

Most of the pictures that I had taken,many documents, scripts, E-books,movies are lost from my PC, may be I can recover them(I hope I just can, the recovery softwares always ditches me...:(....) . May be I can get a few of them from other friends. But most of them are lost. So, I am in a bit pensive mood from last evening...I can take pics again , but those pix, those moods perhaps never be again there, they were very special to me .

On this context only , I was thinking ...how it would be , if our -human minds could b Formatted and simultaneously a Good antivirus could have been applied...!!!!

Whatever things we want to retain will be in our mind, and the rest (what we don't want to keep) will be lost forever...!!!! We don't have to carry the things that we really don't wanna bear anymore...how nice it would be ...!!!!

And yeah also the human antivirus ~ that would not allow foreign intruders(bad thoughts and ideas or may be those, that are not good for our mind or health) into us. And often those will be updated..!!!! Now, I cant give an idea how the updation could have been done...:P....

Everything would be fine and satisfying if and only if ,whatever we want can be retained, and whatever we don't would be lost. But if something different happens~ like something like what happened with my PC...(i.e we loose what we want to retain), then?!!!

Someone Lost something that one never wished in one's dreams to loose, then........Then for sure its gonna be a disaster ,may be not for the person as he /she would hardly be anymore able to recognise the missing thing, but to the persons involved with the 'Formatted One'...!!!

I m just afraid at such thoughts..Oh my God....

No, no , No need of Human formatting, AM happy with what I am....
May be someday in future "HUMAN Formatting" and application of "human Antivirus " will be invented...Pros and cons are limitless.....An accurate carrying out of the thing could bring wonderful results, while minute mistakes can cause tremendous effects on the society...

Am happy being not formatted..:)

What about you?
Would you like to be Formatted with a simultaneous application of a 'good' human antivirus....!!! ??? :)

It happens.

2009-10-09T18:37:00.004+05:30

It happens....
Don't we use that pretty petty words quiet often.?!! Often they are used to console ourselves by others(and often by us only) and sometimes to console others... By saying those 2 words do we really accept literally that 'it happens'.?!!!

So many times 'it happens' happened in my life. Actually I think it happens in every one's life. Life goes on, so sometimes we just let it happen...or 'it' just happens.... Often I feel just too morose hearing it.Also often I feel sorry saying it to others...but at certain points of time you just have no other words except 'it happens'.

When your best friend does bad in the exam in which he/she studied very well,what can you say except 'it happens'? Yet for that person its not a mere 'it'.
It often may seem a bit queer and weird too, if we go a bit deeper....but who cares...!!!

The thought of whys and hows always instillate and keep on instigating the mind, yet the next time can we really stop 'it' happening.?!!
Because sometimes or many a times in life really 'it' happens, and we have no other options left to take it in some different ways...

TagS.

2009-10-02T11:53:00.008+05:30

I have been tagged by Guria , that too 4 times . I am doing all the tags.

TAG# 01 : Brands Tag

These are mostly the brands that I use in my daily life, may be I dont need some of them everyday.

Samsung,LG,Frontech,Creative : My computer darling's assemled parts belongs to these brands...:)

Sony : My Mobile phone, my music system.

Frooti : My favourite soft drinks.

Lakme : My nailpolish, kajal pencil,facewash, toner, moisturiser, sunscreen.

Sandisk : My pendrive and MP3 player.

Diesel : My college bag.

Philips : Tubelights and bulbs and other lighting of house, TV.

Dove : My Soap brands.

Pantene, Sunsilk, Dove,Livon: My haircare products.

Johnson n Johnson : I love it's lotion and facewashes.

Fastrack,Titan : My wristwatches .

Converse : Till now I only have only 1 pair..

Cadbury,Ferrero Rochers : My favourite chocolates.

Honey, Akkriti, Kaleidoscope, Pepe, Bare : Dress brands.

Ohhhh...there are soooooooo many I am exhausted, still there are several names creeping..........

TAG #02 : Innocent... or Guilty?

RULE 1- You can only say Guilty or Innocent.

RULE 2- You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!

RULE 3- Copy and paste this into your notes , delete my answers, type in your answers and tag to your friends to answer this.

So here goes the (could be dishonest) answers :

Asked someone to marry you? Innocent.

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? Guilty.

Danced on a table in a bar? Innocent.

Ever told a lie? Guilty.

Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Guilty.

Kissed a picture? Guilty.

Slept in until 5 PM? Innocent.

Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty.

Held a snake? Innocent.

Been suspended from school? Innocent.

Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent.

Stolen from a store? Innocent.

Been fired from a job? Innocent.

Done something you regret? Guilty.

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Innocent.

Kissed in the rain? Innocent.

Sat on a roof top? Guilty.

Kissed someone you shouldn’t? Innocent.

Sang in the shower? Guilty.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Innocent.

Shaved your head? Innocent.

Had a boxing membership? Innocent.

Made a boyfriend cry? Guilty.

Been in a band? Innocent.

Shot a gun? Guilty.

Donated Blood? Innocent.

Eaten alligator meat? Innocent.

Eaten cheesecake? Guilty.

Still love someone you shouldn’t? Guilty.

Have/had a tattoo? Innocent.

Liked someone, but will never tell who? Guilty.

Been too honest? Guilty.

Ruined a surprise? Guilty.

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterwards? Guilty.

Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty.

Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Guilty.

Joined a pageant? Guilty.

Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty.

Had communication with your ex? Innocent.

Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Innocent.

Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty.

TAG #03 : How DUMB are you?

The more [x]’ s the “dumber” you are.

[ ] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking
[ ] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking
[x] You have ran into a glass/screen door
[ ] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle
[ ] You have thought of something funny while walking by yourself
[ ] Laughed, then watched people give you weird looks

So far: 1

[x] You have run into a tree/bush.
[x] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow
[x] You have tried to lick your elbow… a few times
[x] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little star have the same rhythm.
[ ] You just tried to sing them.

So far: 5

[ ] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
[ ] You have choked on your own spit .
[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don’t get it.
[x] You’ve never seen the Matrix.
[x] You type only with two fingers.

So far: 7

[ ] You have accidentally caught something on fire
[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes.
[ ] You have caught yourself drooling.
[x] You have fallen asleep in class and fell outta your chair

So far: 8

[ ] Sometimes you just stop thinking
[ ] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about
[ ] People often shake their heads and walk away from you
[ ] You are often told to use your “inside voice”.
[ ] You use your fingers to do simple math

So far: 8

[x] You have eaten a bug
[ ] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it
[ ] You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand
[x] You have ran around naked in your house.

So far: 11

[x] You repost bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t.
[ ] You break a lot of things.
[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you.
[ ] You tilt your head when you’re confused
[ ] You have fallen out of your chair before

So far: 12

[ ] When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling or wall
[ ] The word “ummmmm” is used many times a day.

TOTAL: 12

I am (12/37)*100 = 32.43% DUMB !!!.....[:O]

TAG #04 : Questions

RULES: Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.

1.What is your current obsession? Sleeping and having chocolates.

2. What are you wearing today? Night dress.

3. What’s for dinner? Next is lunch, not dinner.

4. What’s the last thing you bought? Top up card.

5. What are you listening to right now? Jaao na.....

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you? A smart, talented Kolkatan..:)

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be? Brussels.

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer? Water bottle.

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go? To Dalhousie (Uttaranchal one)

10. Which language do you want to learn? German.

11. What’s your favourite quote? " 'having' is not so pleasing a thing after all, as 'wanting'."

12. Who do you want to meet right now? None.

13. What is your favourite colour? Pink,Blue, White (Cant select 1)
.
14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own closet? Jeans and white tees.

15. What is your dream job? Joining BMW.....:D..[:P]

16. What’s your favourite magazine? Puja specials.

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on? Chocolates, shoes, a house ,then if something is left will give it to you...:)

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas? Fusion of Horrible colors(e.g Deep pink n deep yellow), too much of stripes all over..

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon? Haven't thought about that....

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer? Being bald is best...

21. What are you going to do after this? Bath.

22. Who is your favourite sport star? Sachin Tendulkar.

23. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can't live without? I can live without them with great ease.

24. What inspires you? Good results.

25. Give us three styling tips that always work for you: Cant say. I dont keep an account when my what looks work for others' eyes..:)

26. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)? Old ragged jeans and an old top (time tested ones, that never goes wrong)

27. Coffee or tea? Coffee.

28. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed? I sleep or listen to music and have chocolates.

29. What is the meaning of your name? Like Honey.(:P)

30. Which other blogs do you love visiting? The ones I follow.

31. Favorite Dessert/Sweet? Chocolates cakes, pastries..anything with chocolate basically.

32. Favorite Season? Winter and Rains.

33. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me? May be a stuffed Omlette.

34. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you? Just avoid them, Dont talk.

35. What do you love most about yourself? I love the whole self of mine.

My question now ...36. Whats the use of doing this tag?

Now that I am over with the tags I am supposed to tag some people. if you have already done the tags , leave those and do the rest. Well, I am tagging:

Andy
Anoop
abc
Rahul
Leo
Samadrita
Vyshu
Ajai
Venky
Kaka
Soin
Pramoda
Sourav
Divsi
Deeps
Harini
Neha
Rohit
Shruti
Pulkit
Manju
Simba
meow
Swati
Chitwan
Yellow tulip
N J

Well the list is already very long... carry on people ..Happy Tagging....:)

Durga Puja '09

2009-09-28T12:22:00.007+05:30

Today is the last day of Durga puja'09.
'Pandal hopping has been the way of life' during the puja days for most of the people in
eastern India, especially Bengal(irrespective of bengalis, non-bengalis and their religions)
.
Everything comes in huge variety at this time of the year, starting from the fashions of Devis and Devs to the style statements of the alive Dev Devis....:), the variety of materials used by the puja committees to make their pandals(where the deities are kept and worshipped and we the people visit them after standing in long long queues for hours..) ranging from wood, clothes ,paper packets, mirrors,tabla,bamboo sticks,conchs and sea shells, bricks,marble,ceramics, plaster of Paris,bottles anything and everything that comes in human imagination (sometimes things are forcefully imagined,and you can well imagine what disasters they make.).

But the days of Pujas are for pure fun and enjoyment. It seems that the city filled with joy,colors, lights and sumptuous delicacies stored and restored all its energies and enthusiasms for this time of the year only. Jovial faces, sparkling smiles, pranks are just too common everywhere. Also Huge number of polices are visible. Dont know where they hide for the rest of the time of the year..!!!(have a look at a pic on right).
You cant be sombre for a moment here at this time. Another thing of the season is the 'ogling session', guys at dudettes and gals at the dudes. Well its somehow a love season, sometimes lost love is revisited and some new loves are acquired.
For me, its the time when I sleep long long hours after pandal-hopping for several hours,
having all the foods I want (having Biriyani for consecutive days forgetting those extra kilos).

In the over-crowded buses,trains, metros and trams you can see lovey-dovey couples everywhere.
Well this puja I went for outings with family only, so didn't have much to talk and observed a lot
(especially faux pas es) which somehow harmed my eyes (though many looked best and many played safe without experimenting much with colors n patterns). May be those are the latest
fashionistas' recommendations, but I some Hated them. Some of them are :
#A big tummied girl wearing a deep purple Top along with ochre yellow Capri, golden sandal.
sky blue painted toes and carrying a maroon handbag...[yuck...!!!]

#A girl showing her underwear label intentionally from the front of her low-waist jeans(not an ultra one, though...[thank God It was not..!!!] ),a
green ice cream spoon tucked in her hip-pocket..[ She tried hard to be a style icon..but alas
for me me she failed..:P]

#A middle aged woman displaying blue undergarment through a deep necked golden yellow blouse.
[no comments please..]

#A young girl wearing a pink legging with a strange geometric patterned long black top.
[Well this one is the most tolerable amongst the others though it looked really weird to me]

Among so many joys and grandeur this year another thing was worth a notice in kolkata, The
number of beggars...Perhaps they have increased exponentially (though many says most of them
are frauds, remember Slumdog??!!). But they are really everywhere(from puja pandals to all over the footpaths) and soo many.Especially
little handicapped children n old ones, You cant help being sad seeing them, yet you cant help
them. A friend of mine said they are all a part of a community which is just meant for that,
and they all have other side businesses. God knows. What does Puja mean to them, for them I wonder often.
Is it merely to income some extra bucks...!!??
P.S: Subho Bijoya To all.

Meaningless feelings.

2009-09-25T12:09:00.005+05:30

Cant find words, yet I need them.
I want to share something,
But I wonder what is it ...

I want to ensconce here.

What I want? what I get..!!
I don't know myself.
Perhaps I have lost all and everything
But again I cant recall what it is.

Do I really need some prerogative??
But for what? for whom?
I keep dawdling around with
Preposterous resentment.

Infidelity hurts, it has made me
Indifferent towards anything.
Yet still cannot infringe the vague inferno.
Why?the question still remains.

Do you feel a bit compassionate
Or move your face exasperatingly?
I am indeed waiting for the evangel.
Still I doubt ,whether it can make me happy.!

I cant ,rather don't denunciate anybody.
But what is this going?
It was supposed to be fine and alright.
But everything is going insouciant.
Detrimental thoughts are instilling.

I know I'll convalesce soon.
Yet I hate the present state .
Cant define what actually it is.
Inanity, languor,incubus,complex or
A Mixture (may be compound) of all.....

[P.S:This was written pretty time back. I have convalesced from that state now....But often this type of feelings occur, One cant help it, you know....Its the characteristic of age.......:)...:P ]

OTT

2009-09-20T12:02:00.010+05:30

I dwell in the heart of my city.

I hardly feel suffocated here

Among all the congestion

And over-tight scheduled have-to-dos.

I love the fastness of the metro city,
I love the speed of the cars,
I love the dust, pollution,
Even the tight traffic .

Last night I was standing with
Two close friends on the top
Of a high-riser, not a skyscraper though...
And I had a perfect feeling of OTT.

It was my first time,
When I sensed properly my presence
So Much above earth.
I felt it.
With winds slapping hard against my face
And body,I stood straight to emulate.
I faced it all .

But at a certain point of time
Looking at the sky
And realising its vastness

I felt lonesome

For a few moments,

It was stertorous.

I felt a consternation

As if some apparition

Was present there.

We were discussing about UFOs

And ETs and UAPs ,

Which were just apposite and apropos.

I myself somehow felt like that..:P

It was a mixture of soo

Many thoughts and emotions

And feelings....

Standing Up above the word so high..!!

But above all, and still it was

Over The Top.

[P.S: Perhaps it would have been better if I wrote this one in essay format, yet I wrote it in poem format, just like that. I felt like doing like this only...:), still a bit OTT feeling ..hihi...:)..just wanted to express a bit of my thoughts and feelings as I always do here in my blog, which is actually a vent for my feelings and also provides me a scope to peep in your world..:) ]

Jealous 21.

2009-09-18T18:23:00.006+05:30

I turned 21 just a few days back.

Well I am not shy to tell my age...

I am 21, and I am jealous....

Jealous of so many things around.

I am jealous when

Anything around is better than Me and mine.

I am self-obsessed,

I am 21.

I am jealous.

I am jealous when my best Friend

Talks more to someone else

Than to me.

I am jealous when my admirer

Admires someone else more.

I am jealous.

Yeah, I am .

I don't want to lie about it,

May be that's my fault,

May be that's my all.

I am jealous.

I am 21.

TAG...

2009-09-12T18:34:00.002+05:30

I have started loving this TAG thing actually, This time I have been tagged by Leo. This one is pretty interesting.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4.“operated. When a large force is required to operate the control levers, and hand wheels are used, When”

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can & catch air? Ohh, wall, I hit it...

3. What is the last thing you watched on T. V.? Trailer of some serial 'Ap ki Antara'

4. Without looking, guess what time it is? 05:30 p.m ??

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time? 05:45 p.m :)

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? SM PS still running...huh...., bro watching TV, key board pressing.... ooo soo many things....:)

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? 06.55 a.m , for going to college.

8. Before you started this Q&As, what did you look at? some other blogs..

9. What are you wearing? a night dress.

10. When did you last laugh? Few minutes ago...

11. What is on the walls of the room you are in? A calender, a portrait of RabindranathTagore, ooh ya 3 switchboards...:P

12. Seen anything weird lately? sooo many , actually....:P.

13. What do you think of this quiz? foolish.

14. What is the last film you saw?Auntohin(Bengali)...

15. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?A Lambo gallardo or a BMW 7series...depends on the mood and temperament..

16. Tell me something about you that I dunno! Hmmmm, I am a freak... hope You dint know that...:P

17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Right now a friend's mind who is doing all wrong stuffs for a girl who gives him a damn.

18. Do you like to Dance? ya sure, though I make it sure no one is near..:P

19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? No Idea...

20. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?Leave me, 1st lemme get d job Then I 'may' start to think.

21. Would you ever consider living abroad? Ya, Brussels or any English country side is the first preference...:)

22. What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? Thank you, but sorry no thanks...hihi...:)

I tag none. whoever likes or wants to do this tag can do it...:)

Sad turned happy...:)

2009-09-12T16:49:00.007+05:30

I am visiting blog properly after quiet some days. I was not able to check the comments posted to my articles nor I could go through all the articles of my fellow bloggers....hope I'll make it soon....:) Actually I was busy..(!!!) ,a bit. College campussing started(finally) and today was the first one, but as expected ( or may be unexpected...!! ..:( ) I got eliminated in the technical Aptitude round, so am in a bit pensive mood, a bit happy as I didn't have to make it in front of the scary interview panel. This was my first ever campussing thing....The recession thing was in boom , and so there were less chances of any campussing even a month ago but since I belong to a core engineering branch I got a chance to sit for the aptitude for a Reputed Core company (only 28 were selected from our dept of 72 to sit for the campussing today).The date was declared on 4th Sept n today was the exam. But My beginner's luck is bad~ its proved once again.....!

Now lets deviate from this sad topic.

Coming back home and opening the blog I was surprised, and somehow happy. I started blogging last year just to express my thoughts and feelings with no intentions or thoughts that some other people may even read it.... but people started reading and also sometimes praising, much to my astonishment....(Ahhha....my writing skills are not that bad..!!!)... And today I saw properly, I have got a 4th prize for my blog and that too, from an awesome blogger, whose writing skill often I envy a bit...:P.. ..R S V -THE SKEPTICAL OBSERVER has given me my fourth award and that too, the Superior Scribbler award...!!!! I am exulted and exalted...

These are the rules for the award:

1.Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Blogging Friends.
2.Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
3.Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to this post which explains The Award.
4.Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List.
5.Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Well now that's a hard job for me, I am bad in making decisions and especially here where I like so many people's blog. One thing is good ,I can cancel SOURAV 's and SUGANDHA's name from list as they have already been awarded by R S V...:)

The blogs I follow i like and love them all but as according to rule I am supposed to name 5 I am naming them below alphabetically.:

AJai~ An awesome story teller , both fictitious and non-fictitious and innovative.

divsi~ The Sagi girl...... wonderful 'fotu'grapher,a nice writer...

Leo~A poet, writes touchy poems from minute things in life.

vEnKy~ The dude...can write really good stuffs on anything ranging from train journey to Vada pav....:)

Vyshu~ Composes nice poems and pieces and I just love her way of representations....:)

Through the mystique mist.

2009-09-08T16:00:00.016+05:30

Its raining cats and dogs outside

And I am inside my cosy room,

Thinking just of You.

Thinking of the charade

My fate played with me.

Or it was you who played all of it?

Who cauterized all the

Flying birds in my azure sky?

I am not blaming you,

Since still I am befuddled

Whether you are the real criminal?

Or I am the jilt?!!!

Just trying to sort the reasons out.

I still run for you,

I still spoil my nights and days for you

I still wonder what you do,

I still pray for you.

I still crave to live the memories

Of Us.

Do you even bother to keep

Them in mind?

Or have you Lost them long ago,

On the way to your new-found

Destination..!!!

I am curious,

Do you have really nothing

More to say me?

I know you never wanted to hear

Though you had to do so.

Do not masquerade

I wanna see your face

Beyond the variegated blur,

In true colors.

I wanna see whether they still

Colors me up

Or just again creates

The pain

That you are No more,

You are Nowhere,

You Were,

You were just a mere illusion

Whose capricious blabbering

Fascinated me,

For whom I lived

A decade in just ten months.

You are no more,

You are no where.

Its me, it always have been me....

And it always will be about and

Just because of Me.

You stand there

Outside my misty glass,

I am not sure how long

The mist will last

And how long you will

Be there.

But when the mist will

And I'll open the window,

I know,

Neither the mist nor you will be there...

The sun will shine again.

Still I gaze at the mystique mist

Outside.

May be its the last time

I am seeking , seeing and feeling you..!!!

I don't know I want you or not,

How much I love you,

Even if I love you at all.

I just fell ,still creeping and crawling,

In the shade of love of your existence.

[P.S: Somewhat fictitious, some what from mind.....]

The Number Tag

2009-09-03T18:47:00.006+05:30

I was tagged by Kaka in August. I am ultimately doing the Tag now. This is a numbers' Tag.

So, here comes the Tag.

1 One Younger brother, Jaani dushaman yet a real Darling.

2 Two eyes to see and understand the world around.

3 Three fictitious crushes of mine: Francisdo'D Anconia, Gail Wyand, Edward Cullen.

4 Fourth May Birthday of younger brother.

5 Five fingers...:) For beating and slapping...:P

6 Six sportsperson I adore :

Sourav Ganguly.
Sachin Tendulkar.
Saina Nehwal.
Yuvraj.
Narayan Kartikeyan.
Michael Clarke.

7 Seven Things I am loving to do these days:

Be a Lazy Daisy and at sleeping at odd hours of day
Watching college football matches.
Having junk foods.
Listening loud music.
Reading books .
Blogging.

Chatting with close friends in installments..:).

8 Eight things I dont like:

Dishonesty and knavery,tall talks.
Lies just for nothing.
Muddy streets.
Disturbance during sleeping.
Interference when I am talking.
Claiming without deserving.
Emotional 'attyachars'.
'chipku' people.

9 Nine movies I love to watch again and again:

A walk to Remember.
Princess Diaries I.
Princess Diaries II.
Chak De India.
Dil Chahta Hain,.
Rock On.
Bicentennial Man.
Pursuit of happyness.
Anuranan.(Bengali).

10 Ten top things now in my wishlist:

To get my desired project instructor in this semester.
To have two more pair of shoes for this puja.
To give a nice exam on 4th Oct.
To get a satisfactory job before 2009 ends.
To shed a bit before puja inspite of having regular junkies.
To have a Big fight with some good Old friends.
To read 3mistakes of my life, The kite runner and A thousand Splendid Suns.
To give someone a new calculator.
To get a digiCam ( a DSLR...:P), though I know I wont get it this year.
To have Loads of Chocolates whenever I want To,and whichever I want to...:)

Ahhh... ultimately I am done with the tag...its such a relief...:)

My lIfe

2009-09-01T18:24:00.008+05:30

I stay happy and jovial
With no thoughts at all.

Often I think I have become numb,

Those pinning thoughts and words

No more scratches in or screeches in

My mind, yeah I have become numb....

I lead a happy life..

But when the city sleeps and

The curtains go down,

When I plan to 'catch a falling star'

And 'save it for a rainy day',

When the clocks' hands go far

Beyond midnight,

When I actually realise my

Whole day's works and no-works

Those pains and unuttered emotions

Creep back to mind and brain.

How I withstand them all...!

I myself wonder.

They say, I am sensitive,

Also ,they say I am brave.

They say 'Shes the man',

Also, they say 'You are only a girl'.

Just flummoxing me all the more...!

How I bear all the curses of death

From the ones who claimed

They love me the most on earth!!!

Often I do get twitched by the words

With a hundred words bursting out of my head.

It becomes hard to bear the false denunciations.

Many a times I am accused

Of the incidents I never knew

Had happened....!!!

But they happened...!

For them it happened...!

They say it happened...!

And who made it happen?

' I '

D'uh...what a life....

Its better to be numb sometimes....

The thoughts go in oblivion

Gradually as the new day begins...

And with new rays I forget All

My grudges and complaints.

Then I dont care a bit

About who says what, I am the boss...:)

Thats the life....

Puja Coming

2009-08-29T10:29:00.003+05:30

This is the time of the year we wait for, throughout the year. This is the happiest time for not only the Bengalis, but for all people who live in Bengal. Yeah., Durga Puja is coming, 26 days to go.

The joy is in the air .......Every shop from street-side stalls to the huge malls everything is bursting with crowd. Shops are unable to provide commodities according to customers' choice as the nice ones fly of the shelves as soon as they get seated. Many a times the shops are not even able to deliver the tailored items on time. This year the situation is worsened by frequent rains and clouds. Though the malls have added to somewhat convenience of the shoppers, still there are many who cant afford to go to malls or even if they can afford , prefer to go around places and see all the things and compare the prices before buying. So its a bit problem for them.

For Chunky jewelleries and accessories street side shops are always the best as you can get huge variety and also can bargain a lot and in case you don't like it or get your desired thing from one shop you can definitely move on to the next[ well in that case one may have to face, rather (h)ear the shopkeepers' jargon].Yeah, this jargon is another part of every city, rather every strata of the city, every particular category, from students, to the bus n autowalas have their own set of jargon.....often they are too nasty :P.... And when there is more crowd more use of the jargon is more obvious. More people, more words, more new words you got to hear...:)..:P.

Its a celebration time for all.....the theist and the atheist......Doesn't matter whether one bows one's head in front of the deity or not ,the enjoyment and energy or joy that's get filled in the soul ( the soul serves the purpose of a capacitor ,somehow...:D) keep ourselves charged till the next year and all the denizens of Bengal irrespective of bengalis and non-bengalis wait eagerly throughout the year for this time. [I know some people who don't even see the face of the god n goddesses, but yet they enjoy the puja time.].

This is also the time for self-beautificationn(and some times rectification too) for everyone,irrespective of girls and boys. Boys are no more standing back in the line. I know many guys who goes for facials,manicure, pedicure, facials,waxing etc etc etc at this time of the year (in case they don't go for these throughout the year..:) )apart from regular hair cutting and coloring.

New new new, every things new; from dresses to shoes to bags and accessories....and for some its also the time for new BFs n GFs...:P in the puja pandals... The 'mandaps' along with devi are getting ready for the Puja days ,and with it the real-life Devs and Devis tooo...:)

Its the time of rejuvenation, For get-together, for re-unions, for falling in love all over again, for many, its the time for home-coming, yet some misses home. This year, I too will miss a number of my friends who left Kolkata for higher studies. MISS YOU ALL.

With 'Mahalaya'(The day on which Devi Durga along with her 4 children starts her journey from her abode at the Himalayas to earth) round the corner on 18th Sept., the festive mood is in, and with it books are going in the shelf. I am supposed to study with some job exam on 4th Oct ...!!! ?But 'who cares'....!!!! I am flying...Flying without wings by now only.

My shopping is not over yet (well, for girls that's never over..:) )... Last day I went for shopping with 2 friends of mine(both boys) and ohhhhh GAWD !!!! who knew guys are this bad in bargaining...!!!! :P ...I myself am bad at it, But now I think I am at least better than them..hihi...
Never mind my loss was compensated and they got a bit less thrashes of words as the result came out that day only and I did quiet up to my expectations.:)

Hope this puja brings lots of joys and peace in your life and all your wishes and dreams be fulfilled...I wish the same for my self also, cause this is a pretty crucial year for myself also.
Next year, I don't know whether I'll here in Kolkata or not, I don't know whether I'll get a job or not, whether I'll be applying for higher studies or not, whether I'll get my dreams somewhat(or fully) fulfilled or not...!!!

HAPPY PUJA TO ALL(though ,perhaps its a bit too early..:)... ).

Flashbacks.

2009-08-25T21:12:00.004+05:30

Standing at the edge of 20, now, often I denunciate my memory (often I do appreciate it). I memorise all the itsy-bitsy trifle stuffs , remembering to forget all that I should remember( e.g- my thermodynamics and material science stuffs).

I do not remember my first day at school very clearly, but I do remember my early days at school. I don't need to be much diligent to treasure all those memories . The kudos, followed by some sheepish smiles, the overwhelming congratulations and greetings after victories, the warm embraces after failures ~ I remember them all. Once someone not-so-close, accused me of something I never did and all my friends stood by me against that person and even threatened that person.:)

I remember the days when I used to run around, pointlessly in the children's park with friends, always being the worst in sports...:P ...... How hard I ran in school sports ,yet I came 2nd(from last) in the HITS only..hahaha....and my friends congratulated me for not being the 1st(from end)...:P......Also I did a penguin walk in sack and came 2nd(this time from the beginning..:) ) in the sack race. Then someone told I cheated as it was not the proper thing, I was supposed to hop in the sack, along with it (how pathetic..:P)..But I dint cheat, a teacher only suggested us(not only me) to do it that way...:)

The parodies during breaks at school, the desultory moments of smiles and tears may have diluted somehow with time, but it's instillation created a niche for itself long ago. Cooking fried rice and that horrible chicken at home, when there was none, and sharing those stories with friends.... how can they ever fade away...!

After being a bit grown up other problems started intruding.Then the advices started pouring;often presumptuous, often preposterous.

Gone are those halcyon days,

Cherubic faces,playful tricks,

Craven faces before ethereal joys,

Gone are the school days...

Few friends are in touch now. Who are in touch are only 'just in touch'. Most don't have time to share, even if they share they don't care. It appeared as inferno, I feared this long ago when we got scattered,they consoled and promised to remain consolidated. Where are they, where are those days...!!! Some even feel those days are of no value now, in front of their beatific present or awaiting future. Some boast of the diadem of present , forgetting( at least trying not to memorise those, since forgetting is not possible, really), and some like me are emulating to ensconce themselves.

But now, no use trying to blame others or saying all the faults are others'. People on this side i.e me and my thoughts also moved miles away . Out ways have become different ,perhaps they will never meet again......the pain that now seeps down the heart, may impede with time. We are denizens of today's world ,we don't cower at anything. The memories that are twitching the mind now, will be perhaps reduced by time.

Some day may be ,those days and moments will start appearing like a variegated blur only, when the heart will be able to masquerade or get virtually comatose by the Joy (or may b sorrow) Of Reality.

Again Tagged.

2009-08-22T22:13:00.006+05:30

I have been Tagged again, this time by Sapphire. But this one is different from the previous one. This is The '5' Tag where the idea is to list five items in each category, not essentially in order of liking.One can always add or subtract categories according to one's will.

I think , some of the things that I am gonna mention here have already been mentioned in the previous blog. No matter. It has to be....:).But its very difficult to choose 'only 5' in each category. I am a greedy girl, I need a lot of things. Its pretty impasse for me to select only 5 under each category. Lets see.

5 FAVOURITE CHARACTERS(fictitious):

1. Francisco d'Anconia (from Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand)

2. Gail Wyand (from The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand).

3. David Copperfield (from David Copperfield by Charles Dickens).

4. Edward Cullen (from Twilight by Stephenie Meyer).

5. Icarus (a character in Greek mythology).

5 THINGS I WILL DIE WITHOUT:

1. Food(especially junkies..:)...).

2. Oxygen.

3. Water.

4. Music.

5. Computer with Internet.

5 PLACES I WANT TO VISIT IN MY LIFE:

1. Brussels.

2. New York.

3. South Pole.

4. Oman.

5. Switzerland.

5 THINGS I WANT TO DO:

1. Bike stunts(at least learn to ride bike).

2. To cook Biriyani.

3. Have sushi with champagne.

4. Own my own company where I'll be the Boss.

5. Own my home in just below the top floor of a sky scraper.

5 THINGS I DONT LIKE ABOUT PEOPLE:

1. Dishonesty.

2. Black lies.

3. Over curiosity.

4. Commenting on something without knowing much about the topic.

5. Unwanted questions from utterly unwanted persons.

[P.S: Now that I have done the tagging, lets disclose something, it was really a bit hard for me to select only 5 favourites. In case of characters, ohhh I missed out,rather had to miss sooo many 'desi' n 'regional' n 'comic' heroes; thats sad. And as I said earlier, I am a greedy girl , and in things I will die without I had to select on the basis of priority and chose all the non-living stuffs leaving friends and family.Places I wanna Visit, well, I want to go for a world tour, but had to select here..:(. Same in rest of the cases, so din't try to make more categories, finishing here only. ]

ABC TAG.

2009-08-19T13:46:00.018+05:30

I was tagged by AJai quiet some time ago, and I remembered it only after sapphire tagged me.. I am not much confident about this "TAGGING" thing. Lets try. Trying the ABC tag. (Sapphire, my next post is obviously gonna be the reply of your tagging..Lets try and make the first shot with this one.)

A: About me? Confused soul

B: Bothered about? Ahh..so many stuffs on earth.Friends' troubles, sem's result, coming dinner, puja shopping..

C: Carrier concern? Too much (though I am not sure yet, whether I'll opt for job or Masters after graduation. C for Confused again....:P).

D: Dare to do? Nothing(daring) in fact. I actually belong to the coward and cravenly sort.

E: Eager to? Blow people(whom I don't like) out of their head by my spiteful words...:P(you don't be afraid)

F: Fighting for? Everything I feel right, but others assume wrong ...(most of the time with myself only).

G: Going gaga over? Ohh ..there are sooo many. I actually can do a tagging on their names, most of them are fictitious though; from Icarus to Edward Cullen, from David Copperfield to Gail Wyand or Francisco'D Anconia....I like them allll...:)

H: Hell or heaven? I prefer the statement " It is better to rule hell than to serve heaven." :)

I: I love? Myself the most and anything and everything that makes Me comfortable.

J: Job description? Truly madly deeply Jobless.

K: Know-how? I have that only of how to do arguments with others, and while doing so the only logic I tame in my mind is 'I am right' anyways or anyhow.

L: Loyal to? Myself and most people close to me or with whom I have interacted, or who truly need my loyalty....:)

M: Music I am humming now? Intehaan ho gayi intezaar ki, ayi na kuch khabar........

N: Nose for? Male perfumes, their fragrance stay much longer than ours..:) [Park avenue, Axe classic n chocolate..]

O: Obsessive about? Shoes and chocolates....

P: Prepared for? Every time I think I am prepared for everything, something happens in reality that leaves me nowhere and just creating the dejavu sense once again "How dumb I am!"...

Q: Quest for? Stability of my CG . [center of Gravity..:P].

R: Reality? SUCKS.... [I am gonna complete my graduation within 8 months, still no campusing and I am not prepared for any Masters' exams either...]

S: Shameful about? Often creating scenes ,when amongst friends in the most unlikely places for the most unlikely reasons..:P

T: Tired Of? Doing tensions .[Well, that's typical of a girl, isn't it?]

U: Useful words for me? Get lost, I don't know....:P

V: Vacation? Yes, I need one urgently,preferably to some hill stations. Darjeeling or Sikkim will do.

W: Waiting for? 6th sem result.

X: X-factor? I dont know, none has ever said anything about it. I personally think I dont have any..:P

Y: Yelling at? Many people at the moment. I am irritated for a lot of reasons for last few days.

Z: Zebra crossing? Well I generally don't cross roads following them [whether be it the road or the mind, I move on my own according to my own will and so meet frequent accidents ..:P, well they cant knock me down anyways..hihi].

Now,that I am done with the "TAG" with all the stuffs that came spontaneously to my mind,you have known how idiotic, dumb, insane, selfish I could be rather I am , please do comment and let me know how badly you disliked this post[I tried hard, perhaps couldn't do better than this]. Comments for betterment is most welcome .
Thank you for going through this one ( If you have come this much..:D) cause personally I don't like my this post much.

Mixed Bag.

2009-08-14T10:35:00.005+05:30

My morning,today broke with an sms from a friend: "Gd mrng. buy ur mask today"....I was still sleepy,and not fully awake,so at first couldn't get the catch, a few seconds later I realised what the sms (or rather the friend) really meant.
I got up and sat with the newspaper, thats so full with advertisements of offers and wishes of pre and post Independence days, one could hardly make out some news from it. Yet , some close introspection surely makes out some news.

Flu Flying:
The headline of the newspaper was obviously regarding swine flu thats gradually turning an epidemic. In West Bengal the number of infected ones is 19(according to today's news). But the researchers and the concerned authority is not able to find the source of the germ of most of the patients ,who have never been to outside India, and never came in contact with such (according to primary reports). The government has decided not to disclose the patients' address and locations to prevent the spread of panic.
Mask -shortage is also found all over the country , though the scientists told today, the mask is not enough to keep the minute virus at bay; they are so small that they can probably easily intrude one's body through the layers of mask(huh ...listened, my friend?!). Another friend gave me a suggestion of chewing (not swallowing) 5 Tutsi leaves and some black pepper daily to improve my immunity and stay away from the infection.
This H1N1 is spreading more rumours and panic than it genes and descendants, well, thats obviously due to the lack of proper awareness, hope it vanishes soon.
Ahhh..I am having a sore-throat....

***********

3 Names:
The next thing that attracted me in the newspaper was "With you, every walking hour".
Well ya , we come by the 3 names~Jawaharlal Nehru, Rajiv Gandhi and Indira Gandhi, several times - from Jawaharlal Nehru Open University, Indira Gandhi National University, Rajiv Gandhi Gramin LPG Vitrak, Indira Rajiv Gandhi Basketball Tournament,Indira Gandhi National Airport to The Rajiv Gandhi National Creche Scheme . Are people really showing respect to them or just using their names? It s all in Name Game or a mere panache?!!! Or they are becoming less innovative and not able to think new and better names....Well they can then come to me, I can suggest them better and shorter names , next time ,in case they are not able to find someone or something else.

***************

Rain Has Gone To Spain:
Little Johnny no more needs to wish "Rain rain go to Spain.....". The meteorological departments says though the rain arrived late it will leave early also that will affect the agriculture vastly.The scarcity of rain in this period is remarkable(though its raining torrentially here, now).
Theres such a drastic change in weather these days, especially this year. I have never seen such mood swings of nature, now rain ,now sunshine.Its becoming like today's' youth.. Mom says some drastic change is gonna come to earth. Well many says there will be no earth after 21st December ,2012 (Google shows a number of articles and causes in support of this).

****************

Math Theft:
An US based pharmacist Albert Clay, 75 , claims he has invented ways of mental math of multiplying more than 1 unit numbers in mind. The method he showed was prevalent long ago(I knew it from last year) . Its actually a theft from Vedic Maths. So its in the air, he has dose theft from there.
[I heard from someone that the Americans cant count using their fingers, they cant do calculations without calculators and computers, well, then this is a big thing for them, if they really don't know it.At least Clay can now claim to introduce something manual to his folks..I don't have any personal grudge against US, I would love to be in New York (after reading Ayn Rand's stories), but I don't like their greed for everything good , big and better. At the end of the day everything cant be yours. ]

***************

Sports:
Well Saina is in top 8.That's a good news. I like this player, though I understand little of badminton. She is not hyped and flop like Sania.
Then comes the news of the super-duper flop KR(Kolkata Knight Riders, in case u dint know). Dada declared Buchanan as the past of the Team..Huh lets see what help it does to the team(hope it really does some charm to the team).

**************

TV Show:
After the stupid and disgusting show like Rakhi's Swayambar( I think the guys who went to the show and got eliminated in due course will never get married. Which girl will marry someone,who liked and loved Rakhi Sawant and went to the show ????!!!!!!!!!!!)the same channel is yet again coming up with "Main ,meri patni, aur woh", where Jodis (pairs)will have to look after others' infants(in this show again Rakhi has been kept as participant with her newly chose beau) . This TV Wallas don't get any other job to do, other than copy, edit, paste of English shows( This one is following " Baby Borrower" or something like that). the news paper is also printing this news and I now leaving my all other works am criticising them.The net thing that is happening is just publicity of the bogus things. I am getting angry on myself...:(

***************

Agony Uncle:
Another joke-section. A 21year old girl has written that she is afraid to move to next level of her relationship with his 2 years old BF (Guess what the level: She is afraid to kiss him in the fear that she might get pregnant).The agony uncle commented "Did you always slept in your biology classes? kissing doesn't need a condom." hahaha...well that a good comment.I was laughing and and am pretty sure it was either sent by some fake reader or someone much younger who doesn't really have an idea about all these stuffs(well its todays' generation, so I cant guess whats her age might be.! :O), how some 21 can ask something like this, and how the editors of newspapers even allow such things to be printed [ To show the level of dumbness of their readers??!!]

By reading and seeing all this I was already tired. Atlast treated my eyes with the news of Hilsa(much beloved Ilish) festival. At ITC ,Sonar Bangla, one will have to pay some Rs1200/-(plus taxes) to treat oneself in the festival..(Oh...God when i'll be that rich to treat me myself...:( ...)

I am going to study. No other way left out..:(

Organised Mess.

2009-08-03T18:47:00.007+05:30

After coming back from Durgapur I was already a bit distracted from Kolkata, and after what all de trop happened ,rather what I experienced today I am seriously planning to leave Kolkata. I am not in a mood for thorough overhauling of the situation ,now in kolkata being a denizen of kolkata.

In kolkata from 1st of August all the vehicles older than 15yrs have been forbidden( cause?? they are increasing pollution level....) without the replacement of the old ones.!!!!! In protest and in support ,a number of imbeciles accoutred by flags of various parties(political) are throwing strikes everyday then onwards. Even vehicles whose owners are interested to ply are not allowed to do so by others...what the crap....!! Today is monday ,and I was supposed to attend my 1st day class of 4th year. So I was determined to reach college anyhow, since I got out of the home with the purpose of going to college. I got inside a garishly crowded bus, but going not even 1/3 rd of the distance (it was supposed to go) it stopped and said it wouldnt go any more (cause: road barricated by strikers...!!!!)...what the hell.... Waited there for some 30 mins, another bus came ,that even didnt go the whole way and again we had to go down from the bus....It wasnt enough though....Then most students were walking upto college though its a long way.....!! But I was with someone who was feeling so sick(and soo shit... :P),and her speed was impeding; I was feeling like giving her a tight slap, and I was also a bit angry on myself for continuing to talk to her and silently tolerating all her stupid acts and talks and not showing a bit of acrimony( I am not accustomed to hear such girly nuisance, since I belong to a class where I am the only girl)....I was planning to walk. But this girl couldnt walk anymore, so to accompany her, I too had to get up on a rickshaw van (in which most of the times craps are being carried...... :( ) .... On it also she was not feeling safe and uttering some nuisance that I couldnt take anymore, so I was absolutely silent, as I was already irritated....... After the college was over, again there were no autos and no buses, had to come by train(which i fear very much),which was not crowded at all, but gain had to take a crowded bus for coming back home.

Now the thing is that ,after reaching home I heard our Transport minister has died (hahaha, how many curses perhaps he has recieved....sorry bad joke; he was sufferring from cancer). so most scools has declared holiday,and we are not going to college untill the bus or atleast the auto services are okkay...

**************************

KOLKATA and its' people grow up. How can all the conveyance older than 15yrs be cancelled without introducing the new ones....Its just catch22. The defunct government, the zonked employees and some of their some knave marinettes are simply denigrating the status of Kolkata, the capital of West Bengal....!!!!!... And the scientists are throwing columns in newspapers that in 3days the pollution level in Kolkata has gone down, due to decrement of vehicles...!!! well who doesnt understand it...!!!!They wanna decrease the pollutiond. Do it, who has stopped them, but give us alternatives. Without conveyance the life is not going to stop obviously, but its becoming all the more fastidious... Look up authority we are here... How are all the olds and elders ,and some savants taking all these crap steps without thinking of all the pros and cons involved..Are they not realising yet, its no airy-fairy tale to stop all the old vehicles at ones. Ambulances stopped, school students crying, people falling ill.....what are these ? atmospheric environment may not be harming them, same as before, but the present state thats striking and harming them, who all are responsible for those????
All these are happening ,You and me suffering... But mind, all are not, Theres even a particular class who are absorbing huge profit at this time, the van walas, rickshaw walas... instead of Rs.5,the normal fare, they are demanding, RS.50.....!!!! What is this man....!!!! I cant take it...
I am zonked....I am frustrated...Gimme some analgesic.

The gift of Magi.

2009-07-29T11:40:00.044+05:30

Hii, everyone..
I am back to city and my computer after more than 2 weeks. I came back on 24th July, but since then my computer darling or internet darling is having some problem or the other and not allowing me to blog....:x.. Anyways now its (hopefully) okkay. I was in Durgapur for a vacational training in DSP (Durgapur Steel plant). Never expected I would love Durgapur so much, from the air to the people, to the smoke to the chimneys.... I am steel in the trance .... I am in love with Durgapur, every little bit of it. I dont have enough words to express my thoughts and feelings towards Durgapur,the tinsel town. I wondered before going there , how would I manage in a Completely unknown city for Two weeks, but when ultimately I was coming back and the Durgapur-city-line was vanishing through the train window I felt pain....Felt like getting down from the train and running away. While leaving my city ,Kolkata I dint feel bad.....(though it may sound rude and bad, its true...), but now when I am here I am terribly missing Durgapur. I stayed at a relatives' place who were soo much cordial, that I never expected them to be. The love, the warmth Durgapur gave me I cant explain with my Vocab.

Durgapur Steel Plant ~ I felt very lucky the moment I entered the plants' main gate......how many people, rather how many girls do have a luck to visit such an integrated steel plant in the lifetime. I was exalted, I was proud to be one. Here are a few selected pics of DSP and Durgapur seeing which I still(steel :P) glimmer. (I took 228 number of pics dere..)

Journey Begins. Howrah station....

Team DSP. We were the selected 7 from our college for the VT in 13th-24th july slot.

Ispat Bhavan ,DSP main building... the house of steel bosses.....

Gate NO.1 of DSP.

Layout of the plant.

Nice slogans everywhere..This is one of them.

Inside the continuous Casting plant (CCP)...It was amazing..though sadly enough my 1.3 Mp cam couldnt make it out properly.The real one is in my mind..:)

Liquid steel shower. The real view was majestic... Golden coloured steel falling like a fountain in the ladle.

The huge lathe machine inside Central engineering Maintainance shop (CEM). Had to manage in a diagonal way.

The Ladle. In this liquid steel is poured.

The pattern-making shop..theres a huge library containing different patterns...

The temperature at the bright zones ,which are the furnaces, are near about 1200 degree celsius. we went near it. These are the furnaces where ingots are reheated before they are sent to milling sections.

Cooling tower of Power Plant Departments.....there are 3 such monuments in the power plant section.

The slag coming out of the blast furnace.

On the way to coke oven.... I fell sick here that day...head dizzed...due to the excessive heat.

Wheel and axle plant. This is the pressing machine where ingots are pressed and given the shapes of wheels. Wheels and axles are the main output products of DSP. Most of the Indian Railways' wheels are supplied by DSP.

Wheels and axles after finishing.

Inside skelp mill... This is where sheets of steel are prepared. the fluroscent strip is the sheet of steel. The coiling the strips looks nice .....like coiling of a bright orange snake....zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Inside mercahnt mill, where TMT bars are prepared..

Almost lost in one of the farthest corners of the plant.... On that day for coming out of the plant we took lift in a CISF truck that bumped like hell , was throwing me up in the sky and catching me down again.

After the roller coaster ride on truck....resting....me standing as if I have won a battle..:P

One of the blast furnaces.....(my especial interest of the DSP trip).

My favourite pic. I just love this chimney pic.... standing tall and aspiring others to stand higher.

Last day, on the way of the exit of the plant. It was sad...

The Arjun..... Aiming high...

This is the most nostalgic picture to me... this was taken by me while coming out on the last day. The flyover , and behind it the DSP main building.

Coming back...... The city line vanished, before I could make up myself for taking snaps. [Jete nahi dibo ,tobu jete dite hoy (wont let it go, but have to let it go)........]

Water color play in the sky...through the train window...

Empty compartments , Moments before the journey ended in Howrah station.

Thus the journey ended, and I had to come back to kolkata.... the day we came back , all the private transport sectors(including bus, taxis autos, evrything) called a strike.....uffffffffff......got pissed off... the govt. bus was so crowded that people could hardly get in or get out.. Yet people were boarding on it....

4 days over I have come back, but the trance is still prevailing. In true sense its a gift for me...which I couldnt realise before going and coming back..

Miss you Durgapur and evrything about you...be it the sweltering heat, dust, smoke, rare traffic or the warmth and love you instilled in me...whatevcr... I love you.

Lazy Lamhe...

2009-07-08T17:04:00.005+05:30

My 6th semester exam ended on 15th June'09.
After it ended, I was supposed to start studying (in full fledge) for something (Master's degree exams and job exams..:P) . Today is 8th july'o9 and I haven't started studying ,even in slow pace..!! I turned out to be one those monkeys of the monkeys' story (Remember; where the monkeys thought of making their own homes when it rained heavily at night , but the very next morning when the sun shone brightly they forgot totally about making homes and instead played all around and remembered about the making of homes again at night when it poured......) hehe... So ,like the monkeys I hold myself solely culpable for not doing what I am supposed to do.

My lazy day starts around 9A.M(often even later). Now, as it starts late everything happens late. I have my breakfast at 10.15A.M .Then I begin lolling around, that also much lethargically :P. First thing that attracts me after I am awake and after all the indispensible jobs, is the newspaper , though many a times these days it is overflowing with good-for-nothing news. I try to understand politics, latest budgets (Crash of high Hopes..!!!), even office jargons illustrated in the Jobs pages. The kids' page often seems more interesting than the ulterior grown-ups' pages( though I am supposed to be a 'grown-up' by now). The most attracting are the weekend pages loaded with gourmets' delights and various tongue-tickling items..I just loove those...This week I read making pasta at home( ahh not the sunfeast instant one, but the raw ones that can be whipped up from the scratch before actually cooking them,according to the writer). Then another heart-beaters are the hot stories of hot Power packed SUVs ,MUVs (some ,ok ok ,one of which I dream to own some day for sure...but I have doubts about HOW some lazy bone like me will get it some day!!!...:P). The travelogues also are much beloved . Latest one I read was about Antilope Valley in America, that floods with Golden poppy flowers every where apart from other multicolored flowers( remember the scene from Silsila movie...the author only mentioned this ).
Hahaha...so much story about what I read or take interest in reading....Well doing all these things my morning goes out of my hand and life too...:P..:(. Then I have to go for bathing and having lunch ; well thats pretty time taking matter for me like most girls... After that I sit for watching TV for sometime...but ohhh shit, I hate it....Yesterday I was going through different channels and in one of the channels saw a World famous Indian Designer in white shirt and an oh-so-yuck deep green trousers.... even worse showpieces are often visible . I get zonked too early seeing all these and many a time take interest in taking a mid day nap, otherwise story books and music or computer accompanies me, and often I dance with the music like nobodys really watching(am a bad dancer in all true senses). In evenings and early nights I generally go through the random blogs, story books or go online with friends. I watch movies very less as I am not much a movie-buff and do not have so much of patience to watch a whole movie at a time, but by watching the sentimental ones I cant control my tears...:P.
So much of dawdling....and yet I dont get tired of it.. Then there are the long calls from friends sharing every little daily interesting stuffs, often serious too [evrything practically, ranging from others' (boy or girl)friends to computers' health] . That takes a pretty long time of the day. But often carte-blanche of talking-too-much over the phone is being snatched away from me. At such times I often show some sheer bravura , other times remain befuddled. Then I turn to study to somehow bludgeon all the denunciations on me, may be to requite those...:P But I cant continue this chicanery for long....go berserk and put books aside and sit in front of the computer chatting bilge with people . So, naturally the computer also becomes bete-noire after some time. Then I again try hard to concentrate on 'study books' n try to solve the oh-so easy-yet-I cant-solve questions....This time I get really frustrated and then eyes go to the clock(ohhh it struck 2 or 2.15 A.M) and yet I dont feel sleepy, as I already had quiet adequate amount of sleep... Then as its night time, I again have the monkeys' story n realisations running through mind, though in vain, as I am no better than them. After sometime I go under the sheets remembering what all scoldings and often derisions even , I have to hear the next morning if I get up after 9.15A.M. Now sleep..... I have some oddest dreams on earth [ like- sitting on the street in front of university Gate with a friend and talkin, my cousin bro walkin and climbing on my lap, school friends coming and sitting beside me;
Another- Notice comes to my home notifying that I am supposed to do My 4th year in another college and fees of a mere Rs 21,000/- is to be submitted again...awww..my jaw drops even in my dreams.... :D]

Well this is my daily 'LazY LamhE' story , it may sound a bit cliche' , or a bit interesting but one should never ever try or practise this, though me myself do, knowing how much harful it is...!!!.

Now I am a bit tensed as I'll be out of the city for 2 weeks for Industrial Training in DSP(Durgapur Steel Plant), and I have neither packed my things, nor I have any idea where will I stay after going there. I am the only girl of our college's gang comprising 7 students, I'll not be staying in the hotel and I dont have any relatives out there. Lets see what happens,lets hope for the best...:).

I'll obviously write about my experience over there for long 2 weeks when I come back. Donno how I am going to survive there, probably without computer and internet.
Will Miss You Bloggers and blog friends.

Power.

2009-07-02T00:38:00.007+05:30

POWER- You have it ,u have all.
Who doesnt want all?

Power is ubiquitous, yet d word is often taken to be a bit obnoxious by some arbiter, albeit if you dont hve it u'll be asphyxiated by dem only.

Be it money power,knowledge power, political power or power in any form, it is d only 'holy' amulet to extol one. Once You have it none will even dare to sneer or snigger at you.
Though some schools of thoughts still place knowledge power on top, but in real world today,money power surpasses the rest; if u dnt hve it u r de trop. It may seem a bit baleful or baloney to some... Well, i dnt hve any intentions to b belligerent ,am jst trying to say wateva i feel and think.....

In society,its pretty common - the affluent ones are the influential ones.... Some tacit agreement remains betwn dem and d rest (not-so-affluent lot). Its not such dat dese ppl are very munificent (most of d times,de r Not). Yet,they are venerated since they have money,n thus d Power.... Always dere r some ppl to carry out their peremptory orders..... Y? Do dey expect power in return ??? well, de cnt ,in most cases.... Den???

From adolescence we gradually instillate the power of Power in us....Often power also deludes us,yet we crave n long for it....
As we go out of our own personal niche' the need for power n Desire is felt more conspicuously.

Though other powers, according to me, stand on a bit lower rungs , they can by no means be looked down upon...
In educational fields, its seen that d no-so-brilliant ones are relegated (or a bit politely -- they r not given enuf importance in most places, be it deir home or outside world)- this may sound a bit garish ,but i think its d truth.....

A gargantuan castigation may b carried on d topic. It is not meant to slander the not-so-powerful people , but just to discuss the power of power.....

According to me:
Since some possess more power than the rest ,we can live, and we are alive...... All can never stay well at the same time...True communism ,i biliv is a bit byzantine. People's capability , power of thots, talents vary, likewise the work they does n d remuneration they earn... All can nevr be same . For that all of us hve to be a mere replica of d other.... Dats not possible by any means , n not practical... All can Never be same....

Inequity prevails as does Iniqity;
Intrepids exist as does the cravens;
Intransigence exists as does Flexibility;

So, power varies from one person to another, often with time, often wid age.....
But above evrything n ol arguments, it is Power that keeps earth going, just as the power of the Sun keeps the planets on the orbits , keeps dem alive and keeps them Going.

saD enD.

2009-06-15T18:48:00.005+05:30

Today i had d last exam of 6th sem.
The subj was one of my (few)fav ones.
I had 3 days gap b4 dis one.
Unlike other times ,i studied dis time
For olmost ol 3 days.
Last nite i was awake till 2
which s quiet not-normal for Me
For just b4 d exam day.
I had some awkward dream last nite,
I saw n heard something dat i dint wish to
C or Hear.

Sleep cracked at 7am.!!
The mood was pensive.
Felt some pain seeping down d spine.

I woke n started to mug again,
To Forget d dream(perhaps).
I studied most of d chapters.
Had a nice preparation.
But i left a chapter from which nothin came
In last 5 yrs....

Went to colg early, unlike other days.
Aftr some discussion
Entered d exam hall.
D paper was so bad n
So shocking.
May be, i knew ,dat
Aftr ol d nice papers Board Is
Gonna give a bamboo In
The last One.

But my preparation 'was' soo good.
yet i was not satisfied after d exam...
D hrs finished quiet soon.

I came out a bit groggy.
So many unlike things together .....
Doesnt really give a nice feeling.
Feelin slumped n a bit depressed.
Not a Happy ending..:(

Mis(s) conceptions....

2009-06-03T23:22:00.011+05:30

This is not apropos to be here now for me...perhaps......i kno. Sem s runnin, 1 o'er today, 4 yet to
go. D day aftr tomro is M n MC in which i hve to do well enuf, anyhow....But after comin out frm exam hall today wid some extent of chagrin m here for expressing some of my crap thots .

Today again i feel , frm my early childhood still now i had have so many pet (mis)conceptions(in d sense i love dose.......maybe),dat may b termed 'fads' often.

When i was too young to understand things around properly, thots of becoming best were instilled n gradually infused in me. I thot i was becomin "best"...but beau monde made no mistake in provin my thots wrong in no time......i realised i became some how mediocre. I hated mediocrity......i aimed for top n thrived n believed i'll reach it somehow....d way i wanted it. But again some divine or may be destined providence proved me wrong.....or may b
it was ol my fault....

I used to think till late ,dat, none can think or say bad abt me, coz i nevr interfere in ppl's matrs,question anybdy, n most of d time i remain self-centred.... Agn i was wrong, my evasion, my silence were(rather are) misinterpreted as 'selfishness', 'immatureness' ,'irresponsible' etc. I dnt ask ppl questions in turn of their's , so i m not caring, not understanding n not 'social'......I can say watever i feel (bad or good) abt ppl on dere face so m not typical girlie(as if i m supposed to be one of those 'nyaka' n shy ones)

Got zonked of d garbled whispers olaround.. Ppl's motives started seeming ulterior......n may b me too, to some extent to dem......

Simulated to b normal n sane n fought to b social. Range of ken was yet quiet limited to understand d underlyin ethos....

I thot, (i still think) i loved (or may b love) someone frm early teenage,Got him in late teenage miraculously.Ol pains got alleviated,no more being fugitive....faced d world as it came......but earth rotates n wid it ppl's mind....agn dis time it was my misconception......i realised i was not happy though dis part is not very clear to me yet...as confused as ever, donno wat i did, y i did...But ya I did......I was happy to b alone, but d person on d oder end of d road though claimed that his lyf was spoiled by me, is happy now in some way...good, i like it, i olways wished n prayed for it.....some misconceptions r good to be bred....

I used to think still very recent times, dat. i hve seen d worst n d best of d human beings....but no wonder ,d evn best n worst showed up, to my joy(somehow) n resentment respectively, n m sure , superiors or inferiors r still waiting...

Realised , human mind n character is desultory n bettr not to be understood......Some odd bookish n some of Ayn Rand's philosophies started creeping in mind.....n one day via a biological blog i discovered ol my characteristics matches with a 'chronic overthinker'...but i believed myslf to b a superflous thinker only...!!!:P

Today ol dis stuffs r fizzin out frm me , coz today morn i thot i had a wonderful preparation(one of d best in my engg. lyf)...but alas...me n my misconceptions.....exam was ok....neither excellent, nor very good....

Again sem.

2009-05-19T14:23:00.007+05:30

Once again (for the sixth time) the sem has appeared , though the date has not yet been declared. But tensions n boring mugging sessions has to be started wid even boring muggers calling n 'just informing' wat they have already 'done'....

And me ,again addled...

To say, there are only 5 subjects in this sem..but they r driving my nuts.

All day long I loll around,read books n mags n papers n blogs... Hve stopped goin to college for 'studying at home', n also to avoid the sweltering heat outside.....

A subject named Mechatronis nd Modern control requires 3 books n i hve only 1 n dat too full of ol sorts of maths n mathematical derivations only. Utterly disgusting... nothin i cud get except umbrage by just gazing at the book. In d 1st internal for this subj i submitted a blank ans. sheet to the grt "pran" sir. He has again arranged for another test for ppl who did bad like me (or whoever wanted to appear for it) and that too tomoro. I donno wat i mugged d whole morning amidst so many cals from d studious frnds who has just only a few things left to cover, nd now sittin n bloggin n n'joyin random blogs as usual.....Mom says i lead d most halcyon days....true to some extent...

Robotics,Automation n CNC- another subject ,again requiring 3 books, i hve one n dat too of robotics, while the rumour is in air that perhaps in sem this year very less is gonna come frm dat part.....Again frustration ...arrey wat can i do, i hve taken 4 books frm library n long ago d validity of ol d books have expired ,I cnt take 1 book by submittin one now, n if i wanna renew ol d books, dey wont, as ol d books i took, are in 'high-demand' now.....the two books i bought have proved to be less significant dan wat earlier dey seemed to be.... I bought d robotics one wid much enthusiasm...

Then Design of machine elements....well, i hve studied ,rather gone through a lot of that subject.....lets c wat hapens .... if i cud remember ol d formulae(only formulae rather) on d day of d exam....

Dynamics of machine elements scared me a lot earlier , but i studied n somehow to my own astonishment liked it as it had lot of car n engine things in it, though quiet a part of it is yet left.

Power plant technology ...i dnt exactly have any idea abt dat yet except a few definitions dat any1 ought to kno frm 9, perhaps.......

As the melliflous day is over n ppl go under sheets i work, rather try hard for mugging for the so-called-last hard sem of engg. Impalpable feeling for sem, jst i need to pass it well dats ol......

but parents wil be parents.. dey hve objections against my evrything as usual. late nites r obviously a grt annoyance for dem as i c deir face d next mornin aftr 10 if theres no clg....

n mom.....now d world seems so rude wid u soo rude. but u kno i m n i'll b fighting ... :)

Just love

2009-04-13T20:31:00.005+05:30

Here comes a love song composed mainly by a friend of mine, and moderated(and at some places also edited) by me. This time it is not for anyone , but it is given to the lips of a fictitous character and she is none other than the sweet heroine of Twilight(by Stephanie Meyer) ~ Isabella Swan. The song is dedicated to her for her beloved Edward Cullen.

Last night here for you,same old songs, just once more;
Last night here with you may be yes, may be no;
I, kinda liked it anyways, how you shined
And placed your eyes on me.
Did you ever know that i had mine on you?

Darling, so there you are, with that look on your face,
As if you never heard,as if u never doubt,
Am I the one for you?
Shall I be the one for you for now and forever
To interest you solely and truely??

You promised me then....I knew
You wanna dream on.
So let me come close to you.
Closest I wannabe.
Close enough to feel your heart beatin true.
And save us a whisper,
How i long to feel your peaceful eyes on me.

Do you ever know I have mine on You.

[P.S: Dont be jealous dear Jacob Black]

A Rejection letter.

2009-02-28T17:38:00.006+05:30

None has yet given (or may be dared or felt like,whatevr it may be) me a love letter. Just before the result of 5th sem, being frustrated with tension tried to destract mind n think of something new, fun n purely puerile .I dont intend to give it to any one by anychance (bechara hoyto ektu beshi e chaap kheye jabe...: P). Pun was the sole intention, wid some utterly emulated,chivalrous and protean faces in mind. Here goes my " Rejection Letter " to those who proposed me (to my great resentments) or who want or think to do so or watsoevr....:P

My amour-propre inundates by all means my any desire to be your inamorata. It's better not to dilly-dally to let you ameliorate, cause you will never convalesce. Waiting to gloat for the evangel? Put moratorium on those. You better become a vagrant, or u may have to spoil your fortune paying off the alimony. Other valiant options are also there . I can show you a few such, if u wish ,but personally i feel it's better not to show you such chimeras. Without admonishing the impasse,without trying to adduce the umbrage,stop the vendetta with your mind immediately. You just cause adnauseam to me. Now, dont try to rise an affray to affront me. Albeit I am the naive,I am the vaunted veer, vapid jilt,insidious virago with an acridly battered soul n heart whom you cnt stand against. Neither your inveigle, nor your invidious invectives can accrue my anger any more,it got imbued by the imbroglios long ago. Dont even try to pull out the immured angers. You are not enough accoutred to impale my stoic facet. By any chance I do not need aegis from a janitor. Dont take ol dese stodgy pejoratives, run pell-mell.
As you were never much welcome I am not interested in valedicting you even.

memoires...

2009-02-11T18:48:00.006+05:30

Time always presents me a fait accompli. Somehow, it manages to prove that I was devious. The consequences devolves to the present. But nothing to do ,except either getting moonstruck or calmly accepting the mopish present. Moribund Dreams bring back the rainbow of myriad expectations and desires. Some pasquinade has snatched away all my ebullience.

My school days,those hours of non-stop yaks, the ballyhoos in the class, those derisions......they still descry the mind for hours. The faces with their jaunty smiles,their ingenuous advices, beguiling jokes can never denigrate from the facets of mind. Yammers seemed always sweet, desultory fashion evrywhere made evrthing just perfect. Sheepish smiles after little peccadilloes macerated all grapples. Puerility washed off all inanity. Never got tired, never stopped laughing; contravening the rules and manners were just the grandiose style. Never paid heed to , who deprecated. Everything was just expedient. At the cowering moments always had hands on shoulders and also causes to exult the next moment. The deranged pranks could never be eschewed.
Some teachers always seemed to have some ulterior motives to depredate our alacrity. Some despicable incidents still bring tears. We all were together and promised to stay together 'forever'. But Nothing Lasts Forevr~ the confirmists confirmed. We are, but far far away , humming monodies at melancholic moments having petulant tempers facing macabre realities.

We grapple, we grovel,tolerate detractions which seems much de trop.
Time deters the memories most of the times, yet brings those yores acerbically at times.

We no more need hands on our shoulders. We have developed social acumen, we are used to living on tenterhooks after all sorts of jibes and sneers. Yet Redolence of those days seems to heal temporary phronemophobias. Then I feel , a dear friend of mine truely says "Beatified by Resentments".

Bakkhali

2009-01-11T14:56:00.044+05:30

The monument before boarding the bus at 8am.

The First glimpse of sea from the bus.

Lonesome Twosome.

The Jetty - the means of Crossing the Hatania-Doania river for cars and vehicles.

Waiting for The sunrise with distorted shadows.

The pink tinge of the sky before the sun really showed itself due to fog.

The sun rise, finally...

View(I) from the watch tower at Henry's island(It has 162 water ponds cultivating various types of fishes).

View(II) from the watch tower.

The Yellow crab, on the shore of Benfish Fish project.

Water water evrywhere, not a drop to drink.On d way to Jambudip for long time no lands were visible on any side.!!

The land of Jambudwip.

A fishing ship.

Mangrove forest on d way to jambudwip from Frasergunj.

The mangrove trees along with their breathing roots.

Windmills at frasergunj.

One of the very very few things to capture at the crocodiles' project park.

The beautiful house within the project park.

we stayed in this lodge.

On the way to the temple of 'Bon Bibi'.

Bon Bibi Mandir.

The quite nd calm surrounding of the mandir.

The tiny red dots visible. are ol red crabs spread over the sea beach at Bakkhali. de come out only wen the sun shines brightlyn goes inside d sand as soon as anyone approaches them from some distance.Dey are quiet a social n conscious species.

Star Fishes on the sand.the sesile animals lying dead.

I dont know the name of this creature that was lying on the beach. Jethi told perhaps it is a small 'shankar mach'.

Chalk And Charcoal work by nature along the beaches of Bakkhali.

Shadows of mom n me on the charcoal n chalk work of nature.

The goat babies are fed in feeding bottle.Dnt think its milk from their mother,Its only rice washed water n salt.

On the way back, while crossing the Hatania-Doania River.

D village...

Somantoral Rekha misheche digonte....

The things we see are not olways the truth.

hanging High. I dint try to hold dem, so am not sure wther i can touch dem or not...:P

Within Five days evrything was planned and fixed. We were heading for a weekend holiday at Bakkhali. Tickets of WBSTC bus were booked , hotel rooms were also reserved and by 8th January'09, thursday 6:20 am, we (9 of us, we 4, nd 5 of our neighbours) were ready to head for our destination.

It was one of d nicest tours amongst quiet a many trips.

i loved it , i liked it......and can say proudly...."Aha ki dekhilam, jonmo jonmantoreo bhulibo na."

I dnt have such a strong vocabulary to express ol my thoughts nd feelings through my writings, Here were a few pix taken by me in my mobile, though dere quality are not much good but seein these i still cherish those moments.

VIVA-VOCE

2008-11-26T10:58:00.004+05:30

The sem-time has come again.

With it ,has arrived the viva-voce....

The incubus of mine.

No other way left other than to

Denunciate own self,

After comin out frm the room,

Acting a dumb.

All the friends before me got

easy questions to answer.

But wen my term comes,

I only get to hear some alien questions

Which obviously i cnt answer.

Donno wats dere in my face

Do i look more intelligent dan d rest??!! :(

Even if by any chance i answer a question,

D questions dat follow, takin to d 'depth'

Of the subject Simply Takes Me

To the state of Languor.

Incognito,incongrous -simply

These words play in my mind

Proving once agn that i m incorrigible now.!!

When on d viva table teacher asks

To derive equations n formulae

Nd draw the resilence graph..;

Aftr turmoil wen something is represented somehow,

That seems a clepsydra to d person in front.

Oh.,..M proud m d new author of that subject,.!!

Some dare to b smart enuf to speak

The wrong munificently....But i feel...as if

I havent yet learnt to speak.

Anyday by anychance

If i give a nice viva

Emulating the fisticuff of the teacher

I go over cloud-9...

but thats quiet a rare incident..!!!

Y dese teachers r not a bit clement..

Dint they face ppl like demselves evr..?

So many friends n foes give me

So many suggestions to face Them,

Nd to efface the fear....

But..

I Always enter the viva-room

With quasi fear,just as before

Nd aftr it come out n rush for quaff..!!!

TeNsIoN

2008-11-17T19:04:00.004+05:30

Sem is approaching n m feelin sleepy..
Y does dis time comes...???
Nothin prepared,so much to know..
The syllabus n d big fat books seem quaint;
speak some patois ...

Let the puck sing the psalm for me...
The robot teachers ready
To throw me in the quag.
Wid my puerility i try to regret that fact
Of utter bitterness....

Paucity of knowledge sometimes
Create complex deep inside the mind...
Next moment i get elated
By the thought
the sem-session will soon b over...
The happy days will b Back again

But again the fear of bad result
Gulps the mind
N i try hard to concentrate.
I suceed in memorising......
everything except the words i shud....

God bless me wid an exalted result,dats d only prayer for now. :)

Annoyance.

2008-11-13T18:22:00.006+05:30

I am a bit idiotic person...!! I dislike many persons on earth due to various reasons. But few r there, for whom i cant show it, d way i wish to.....
Most people have it.I kno.Krishanu ( a close frnd o mine) had(has) immense grudge on *M* aunty of our beloved alma-mater , n by dis time ,i biliv ,he is able to show it..[:P]
One of such is one of my teachers.Believe me i'll name him publicly as soon as i fix my carrier.Evry other person in d clas instigates me n demselves to hate d person, but i am d victim of his ****nesses n *******nesses most often, being d only gal of my class.
He is one of dose very few persons on earth, who bothers or forces me to curse him....
watevr god save him from our(oops My) curses..
He speaks so utter non-sense n controversial stuffz , ki he himself even cant keep pace wid it: n oder teachers n students go crazzzy due to him, but none can let a single word go out of their mouth.
y????
He is the most 'hyped' n one of the most influential person(uuufff...sorrry 'TEACHER') of the college....:(

GOD BLESS HIM.

Trying to efface the cul-de-sac.

2008-11-13T17:57:00.007+05:30

The idiosyncrat is back...
Her life has changed a bit.
People say she has changed a lot.

Ya, she has changed..
Now she dreams again...
Dreams of the 'Perfect world',
which others say, can nevr exist.

But she is nevr appeased.
She hates those creatures who pretend
To bear their name..!

She is no more depressed.
She makes some questions,
dat go unanswered..
So she stops askin those.

She refuses to b d inamorata,
She regrets her former state of inanity.
She is perhaps ,again aftr the ignis-fatuus,
Others only give insinuations
Dat she is severly Wrong.

But she is determined dis time,
To overcome others' thoughts,
And this time she will Succeed
To Efface The Ephemeral Cul-De-Sac.

Me 'n' My World..

2008-07-05T15:05:00.016+05:30

My world comprising my dreams really vary a lot from yours. To many it seems very impractical.
Many of the closest pals shouts at me to step out of my Utopian land.

My favourite colour is white. My mom says, thats why there is no colour in my life; though several times i have tried to make her understand WHITE is actually the mixture of all the colours. But she is never ready to accept my logic.

As a child and even now my mentality doesnt match with most of those ppl of my age.To most, i am immatured, childish , irresponsible - who cant accept the reality.

Yeah that is true to a great extent . I always keep on thinking ,things will happen only in that particular ways, in which i would love to see them to happen. But hardy it evr happens so :(

Evry times my thoughts get shattered.
But here i am always denying to come out
of My Utopian land.

As a child i hardly evr played with dolls,
I was something of more serious species.
And as i grew i felt i was not like the rest.
I cant stop sayin what i really feel about U,
may be thats my fault, may b dats my all.
I cant say U 'i like u', If i hate U like hell.
I dare to say U 'i hate u' on ur face'.

I can a wear a mini n a halter-neck,
but yet i cnt say a fake 'I love u'.
I can go for a movie with 5 boys,
Yet i cant give anyone a 'flying-kiss', 'jst lyk dat',
Nor evn i can say a 'muahhh' to any of the 'dudes'.
The one i loved , left me alone,
Yet I cnt forget him and love someone else.

I see ppl around me falling n cryin for me,
Donno dey love me, ya jst tryin to take the Chance.
I see dem agn to flirt with other grls too,
I feel befooled by givin dem my frndship,
by biliving and tryin to feel wat they said.
I bilived dem all..???!!!!
I am such a fool...!!!!!

I am not a kid.
may be my mind hasnt grown yet ,like ur's.
I hvent evr dreamt of my 'Family Lyf' yet;
I cant do dat,
Though i can cry ol nite for my lost love.

May b i am Weird, i cnt accpt the reality.
But i am like dat.
ANd i am happy wid dat.
If i am not good, dnt talk wid me,
I dnt hve any prblm.
But dnt come to tell me to chnge.
I kno wat i am, wat i do.

I dream of my future in
the Brussels' countryside or
in any dreamy valley.
I can live my life alone,
I dnt need a MAN for me.
This hurts the ego of the Man.
He says u r bound to hve a man,
U cant do widout him..!!!

Is that true?
Cant i b alone in the place i want to be
Alone...!!
I dnt need the one who left me To GROW up.
He rather they say i'll grow up one day......
n understand dem ol.,
But wen will They nd U get me..???!!!!!

I dnt need u beside me,
I dnt have any expectation from U.
Bettr u too dnt expect anything from me.
The bonds of relations r not for me.
Perhaps m not made for dem.

I love my loneliness,
Accepting the 'Bliss' of solitude...
I dont need ur damn selfish World beside Me.
I make my world.
I dnt need the one who loves me for some
Self fulfilling reasons, for some purpose,
for the contentment of His desires.

If u can Love me for a reason,
"Let the reason be Love".
Can u love me by Not touching me??
Can u touch my soul widout touchin my body.???
Can u love me "unconditionally" widout seeing me??
Can u forgive all my wrongs??
Can u be right beside me loyal, all the time??
Can u expect Nothing from me??
Can u accept me as i am, dwarf n ugly??
Can u cool me down wen i am angry??
Can u be a part of my dream land??
Can u show me affection like a dad??
Can u adore me like a poet??
Can u let me be, wat i am??

If u cAn , u r welcome To my World.
But i kno U cant.
coz u r not made like dat.
I dnt want u too.
Ur way n mine are different, n never will they merge..

Be happy for dat..
u'll never have to tolerate me n my nuisance.

But let me be Happy in My Utopian land.
Dnt evn dare to pull me Out.
I was born to be here, n
d Day i'll DIE,
I'll go away from here only.
I dnt bother weder u really feel for me...
But dnt say a fake "I love U", to ME.
May be its jst mere 3 words to U.
But it means a Lot to me.

I love myself....Not u..so bettr u also dnt love mE and let me be myself n lemme go my way....

Pessimist

2008-07-03T19:49:00.011+05:30

I am a damn Pessimist.

Still now , my blog has really few readers. Hopefully those few will not shut my blog , reading the above bold line.

But the fact is true, dat I am a pessimist. I start evry little bit thing in my lyf with a negative thought . All people around me curse me for this nature of mine. But once and only once I explained to someone why i am so. That person liked or at least pretended ki , he liked my reasoning.

Thats why i want to share my thought with U...

SOmeone ( i cant definitely say,who ) "A PESSIMIST IS AN EXPERIENCED OPTIMIST".

I am a staunch fan of this one liner.

I too used to be an OPTIMIST once upon a time, when i used to have big dreams in my eyes and always worked hard to make my dreams turn into reality.Even after my quiet a few breakage of dreams i continued to be an optimist.

But being an optimist really paid me NOTHING, just NOTHING, except disappointment( hotasha will be a more appropriate word for it).

But being a pessimist helped me lot.I am always prepared for the worst of the situtation. BUT WHY?

Do i really want the negatives to happen?????

NO.

Not at all.Its the deep urge from inside to see and feel the positive ,that keeps the worst in my mind to keep me prepared for the next confrontation, in case the recent one fails.

So, being a pessimist is not being negative, or really wishin n praying for something devastating, but merely keeping the mind prepared, so that in case something wrong goes, the mind dont get a severe shock and be able to stannd up again and face the next battle boldly enuf...

Well, thats my view point .I know most people will not get and readily accepy my viewpoint.

But i cant help it. Am just like that....

MISTAKES.....

2008-07-02T22:49:00.015+05:30

Mistakes ~~the name is somehow inspired by Chetan Bhagat's latest novel, but in noway it's contents are related with the novel's ,coz i havnt yet got the chance and time to go thru d Novel.

According to me 'Ideal Mistakes' just like Ideal Gases(following gas law PV=nRT) hardly exist, But 'Real mistakes' do.

By Ideal mistakes ,I mean Mistakes dat seem wrong from all and every viewpoints irrespective of any time.

Mistakes~ It's quiet an ambiguous and apparent term to me. The particular thing which may seem alrite at dis moment may be proved a tremendously wrong one after few moments, may be due to the change of circumstance, time or age. Also the way round i.e a thing thats seeming to be a damn idiotic mistake may be proved a nice decision some time later.
Also the thing varies from person to person.The thing that is pretty nice to me, may be erroneous in some else' eyes; and the thing that is damn wrong according to me, may be OK to you.

So, time plays quiet a vital role in givin the tag 'mistake' or 'right'.

In my life i have done loads of mistakes.......Often it evn seems to me d number of mistakes done by me in my life , far surpasses the number of "right things" done by me.

Well, at times i feel : "no" they were not really wrong ,as i just gave indulgence in watevr my heart said.And the world of famous and evn 'not-so' famous ppl keep on saying "Do watevr ur heart says." Then most of my mistakes are not really mistakes, as i did so only bcz i felt like doing so.

Hopefully m not confusing my readers with my concept of mistakes.

Often ppl say they dont get what i say, or what actually i mean to say. I dnt kno whether it's my mistake or their's. I feel my wavelength does nt match with most of those ppl who dont get me(Pathetic enuf, very very less ppl on earth really do get me except my dearest Mom).

Even ,i often get confused n puzzled n go crazzy to find out wat actually i do wanna achieve.
And my damn hearts stops talkin den..

Often it seems i am very happy and i was just born to be a Mechanical engineer and n just get content with it and enjoying the lessons, other time round, i feel like ,taking up this stream was one of the 'ultra' mistakes of my life..:( :( ......I feel like i m not made for these craps~ forging, welding, gascutting n ol dose stuffz; only My LOrd knows how i manage it ol ...[but ya i feel proud aftr doin dose , which are really often done by galz..:) ].

From quiet my early teenage i believe, rather still believe i loved(rather still love) someone.
It was quiet an "thikthak" thing to me, though others persisted it was just a mere crush or infatuation. i argued them for long hrs, ki it was love, as infatuation cant last for 7 long yrs.
In turn they said : how can i love someone about whom i hardly knew anything, n evn dint memorise his face properly.

But i believed i love him.One day proving all other protagonists of the arguers wrong, fate brought him near me and due to Cupid's conspiracy he became an indispensible part of my life and mind too . But it dint last for long and the relation broke off.Well, again m not gonna start whose mistake it really was.Some of our common frnds say it was mine, some say his, some say bothways, whereas some intellectual hickories opine, it was neither my fault not his, it was the fault of the reLation that was never built nicely .....I go gaga jst hearin awl dese stuffz, but hardly pay real heed to anyone's opinion.Continue livin jst like me. Person on the other end of the relation doesnt hold me responsible for the break up, even admires me for telling the truth nd mind out.

Its almost five months am not in the relation anymore.But i really dont know whether i did a mistake by comin out from the relation.
In due course of time, it has come to my knowledge,that, though my momma liked him, my dad dint like him much.I dint like the later fact.

But m happy neither way actually~ m neither ready to get back in the relation again, nor happy widout him.Now, the question is what was the mistake n where it lied....?!!
I am fed up with my mistakes.....When will they really fade???!!!!

Now, comes a mere incident with one of my closest colg pal(suppose whose name is A).We 'used' to be the bestest of frnds.
But this guy had a typical insecurity complex, that is not quiet very common of boys. We were supposed make a PPT(power point presentation), whose topic was given by our teacher and also the group arrangement was done by the teacher.

Now, this guy got a group in which none of the guys nevr had much interaction with him, and the topic needed much discussion amongst the members.
The topic for my group was "world war II" that was pretty enuf to awestruck me, as i am a Huge dumbo in history(though i managed a modest 80 in my X th std board exam).A guy was in my group who used to be a closed frnd of both me and A.

I was only a bit relieved as this guy of my group said me ki he has quiet enuf knowledge about history and particularly on our topic.

Now Mr. A was not at ol a bit pleased with his group members and topic also.So ,without my knowledge and without evn letting me get a bit hint , he went to the teacher along with the guy of my group(who claimed to kno many things abt history and relieved me to some extent) and another one guy of his choice.They made their 3-musketeers group with the brand new topic "NASA". All this happened on a Friday.

And Mr. A called me up on Sunday and spoke casually, without mentioning anything on that topic .It was only when i said ,ki i was a bit relieved due to the guy of my group, he said me maintaining his casual tone , what 'actually' took place.I felt like shivering and the ground below me shook a little.

I really had nothin to say him. I just cut the fone after a very few formal words, and was almost on the verge of crying as the project was in next 15 days and a huge load was on my shoulder, as none other members of my grp had Internet in their home....

I dont know again, whose fault it really was, may be i expected more from a friend being a friend.but this incident kept me well aloof from these guys for quiet a pretty long time. Now, as i hve already mentioned A used to be the bestest of my frnds, aftr sometime i started talking to him, wen he said he really dint understand, why d hell on earth i stopped talkin to him and avoiding him....!!!!!

Grudges stay in mind , u kno, aftr few days ,in course of a very casual talk we agn had a collision and this time face to face n in words.Mr. A declared he doesnt care whether i talk to him or not, and It was I ,not him who talked first last time...!!!!!!!............This was tooo much for me to bear.I cried in class(How idiotic it was, Crying in colg, dats too in a dept. , where all other student are boys......my gosh).

But i hardly talked to him after this incident , except a few incidents like wishing him happy B'day, best o luck, n exchage of a few words in examination hall(well, by this time its quiet an indispensible thing...!!!:P).

Dont know whose 'Mistake' it really was.

Well, no use now of drivin you nuts now..:P..

Photographic skills of a novice photographer.

2008-07-02T10:35:00.051+05:30

Well all snaps are taken by me.I dnt claim ki all of them are good , but i can say i like dem n oders say these are quiet good .
By no means i hve some proper knowlegde of the Art of Photography.
I love it.Its my hobby n also passion at times.So, any comments or ideas on developing my photographic skills are most welcome.
Hopefully none will take dese pics n publish elsewhere widout my knowledge.

Starting with this pic, coz many said this is good.

This is a ship on Arabian sea, couldnt adjust it except this diagonal position.

This is a view of The city of Mumbai from Arabian Sea.

On the way to Elephanta Cave.

Elephanta Cave .

This monkey snatched away this coke bottle from one of our co-visitors at Elephanta cave, n started drinking...So smart...!!!!!

Dusky View of Mumbai.

Can u get a bit deformity in this pic?? The outer borders of the building seems bend, coz it was taken by me from a running bus.

Piya Haji Ali at Mumbai.

Sunset at Calangute Beach, Goa.

Anjuna Beach, Goa., from a bit higher level.

My dear dear bro at Anjuna Beach.The background beauty deserves spcl mention.

View of Vagatore Beach Goa, the landscape is truly photographers' heaven.

Vagatore beach, i really liked to take snaps of this beach in particular.

Vagator beach, again, the palm trees add to the awesome beauty of the place.

Vagator Beach with its tourists.

Tourists havin fun in the sea of Vagator Beach.

Sky kissin the sea,view captured from Aguada Fort,Goa.

Mandovi River flowing by the sleek, leaning Beaties~the Palm trees at Goa.

A fountain(the minute white portions) being captured through the gap of tree leaves.

this pic is captured from train on the way to Madgaon(Goa).

Now, take a closer look of the waterfall.Its also taken from train.

A piece of Heaven.Wanted to get down from train and run to this place wen i captured this view.It was jus awesome...

Again a mindblowing view.wish i could be there now..This is also taken from train.

The train was movin at quiet a slow speed n haltin due to the rugged topography n some problem in rail tracks too.

Well, here ends the pics of TOUR.And now comes some from home n near home destination assorted pix.

My favourite topic of Photography~ SKY.

No two moments where we get the same view.

A part of cloudy n a bit of bright evening sky.

A view of my para from our roof top on a rainy evening.

The refreshing greenieries of our locality after a splash of rain.

Here comes some natural beauties of Botanical garden.

View of River Hooghly from inside of Botanical garden.

Witness of many decades~ the famous Banyan tree's prop roots of Botanical garden.

Identity Lost or Too many identities??????

Distance determines Destination or Destiny .....???

Still lush of greeneries do exist.!!!! Let us make dem stay better for ourselves.

Reflection of the greenery on still water.

Few of my friends, gone crazzy n got bak deir childhood in the lap of mother nature.

C/o-sun.

In the shining shimmering abyss...

Aloye fera.....[back to light].

Ei poth jodi na sesh hoy......

But road ends......

Unsolvable BIAS...

2008-06-30T12:54:00.011+05:30

I, rather all of us have thought on this topic, m gonna discuss now ;at a time or the other. May be under the pressure of circumstance or just like that. But am sure all have thought on the topic:

WHO is BETTER ??? MAN or WOMAN????

Well , I will make an attempt to discuss the topic , at the end may not be able to draw a proper conclusion, or may be proper conclusion is not possilble on dis topic.

I studied in a famous CO-EDucation school upto class X. And had huge number of 'friends' who were 'Boys'. As in our school the number of boys far surpasses the number of gals.
In my home too, my parents are quiet very broad minded and liberal. They never scolded me or gave me red eye due to the phone calls of the boys, their visit to my place or the reverse.
They always , rather most of the time had kept n still(this word 'still' is of quiet importance, to which i'll come in due course)keeps full faith on me , as they have always well taught me , evrything has its' limits, which is better not to be crossed.
At clss VIII , in our cls we had some 10 gals in a section of 45 students, but the ratio further decreased in cls X , due to further division of sections(dis was done for givin more attention to the students....!!!!!) .Ok, den we had 4 girls out of 34 students in our section.
I never had any problem with guys, and m not at all shy to say i liked the boys' company more for their mentality, AT THAT TIME. May be coz, at that time i was tomboyish to some extent n was only concerned about my studies n all , n nevr pay heed to what others used to say.
Nways, still now I give a damn to what others think about me.
I always competed with the boys, nd beated most of them(well, in academics n stuffs related to academics only, m too bad in games n sports....!!!).My joy lied in dat.
May be in my subconscious i used to be gleeful at the fact of defeating the so-called superior sex.
But My fate nevr gives me a long lastin joy:(, as i hve already said in my last blog..)

I donno, its' still my life's biggest curiosity: how i did soooo verry bad in my board exam, that changed ,rather according to me spoiled rest of my life.I expected something around 87%-88%.But ended in gettin a staggering 80%.
I broke down like hell. All dose whom i always used to beat, not only those, ppl who used to stay far behind me, beated me.i was shattered.Ppl say wen u get a shock, u gain the potential to do bettr.Well, dat never happens with me :( :( :(
However, to others it(the result) was "not bad",to some it was "not upto the mark", some said" u should have done better".....
ppl's dis dialogues r jst too annoyin n irritatin to me, i jst cant take dem...

Nways my result was enuf to get admission in a so-called 'good' nd'reputated' school.
I took admission in a school.The school is a girls' only school.
I had tremendous trouble in adjustin truely, n in two yrs of my +2 i hardly did adjust.
It was too suffocating for me with gals alaround.Ppl used to rather still will bend deir lips hearin or reading dis.
All the girls seemed so sick to me,man..ufffff....
They n deir typical girlie nakhras, their Sydney Scheildons, their 'boyfrnds', the movies, their dressing sense~~ ohh god they used to come to school with make ups(kajals n lipsticks).
I often felt likin slappin hard a few of dem.nways i nevr did so ..hehehe...
nways i always had some sort of probs wid someone or the other.
i hated goin to school.Only one was dere i liked , still my besto frndie sagnika, she was a real sweetheart.
Nways dat way i started realisng ~ how mean , how cheap, how SELFISH,How satanic, how stupid, how damn idiotic n how bitchy girls can be...n may learned some of dose characters to some extent tooo, hehe, dnt get afraid.
I still get annoyed remebering those days.
There are several bitter incidents with the gals, which i dnt wanna discuss, rather evn remember.
Well, on dis context i shud say aftr takin admission in this girls' school only i came to kno about the concept of "L * S * O" and "G * Y".B4 dat i had no idea abt how can two guys or two boys like each other "dat way"......
As i already spoiled my life in frustration of Xth std board exam, it was pretty hard for me to come out with flyin colors in XIIth.I did a so so result(just 70%), which my parents said was quiet very fine, aftr what i did in my two years.Well, its worth mention in dis two yrs i dint have much contact wid my old school pals or much boys, except a few tuition ones...
After quiet a lot of turmoil and a number of Entrances another Dream of mine shattered..
I dreamt of Becomin a doctor ONCE UPON A TIME.(I got a rank though, may be which would have made me eligible for becomin an ayurveda or Unani doc..Well, i was no way interested in dat, and none includin me was ready fr takin another yr prep fr d medical)
And always wished ki , i dnt bcome an engineer.But it was my fate.
Aftr lot of the turmoil I went for councelling for ENGINEERING, and chose MECHANICAL ENGINEERING.
Well, still now it was the best option for me den, dat moment.
I took admission.

1st day of college.7th August 'o6: I went to colg n went to my room n took a seat.
Aftr quiet a time teacher came with attendance sheet.He bagan to call our names.
Roll call was complete.
To evryone n evn to the teacher's utter surprise it was discovered i was the only GIRL out of the 66 students of the 1st yr, Mechanical department.
Now , another story begins.
It's almost like a boys' dept, m only being sitted like a doll uprite dere.
Well, i never felt like dat sick as i used to feel amongst those GIRLS.
I will never deny in my life uptill now , Boys can be ur best frnds.
They really help a lot, wenver one needs.
This may be visible in a thronged bus in afternoon or may be any time , where children droops with heavy school bags, nd Ladies takes deir mid-day nap nd boldly regret holdin those bags even.gents definitely takes the bags n often let others sit.
Women around world are shouting"MEN AND WOMEN ARE EQUAL".
Den y da hell are we again shouting for "RESERVATION"..?????!!!!!
This proves women are not enough Confident about themselves nd their potential.
Wel, i my self m not confident n always remain confused n dwindle between options..:( :(
I do agree, exceptions are there.

C d guys, I really endy dem,How boldly dey can cheat in sem n evn internals..:P...i cant still now, after spendin 2 yrs in a dept of boys.
MEN WILL BE MEN.
Howevr, we shout we hardly can beat dem in dese matters~well its my viewpoint.Other scools of thought are always welcome.

I am a girl.
So, now lets come to the BADS OF MEN.:) :)
Most of them are insensible,adament, arrogant(not all),(TOOOOOOOOOO) impatient and lacks sense of situations(means where exactly to say wat), thinks them overcool ,oversmart, overconfident and have n irritaing habit of knowing "EVERYTHING" or "NOTHING" on earth.
watevr u say ,u can quiet expect a "ha ami jani to " frm dem, or sometime evn annoying " ami to kichu e bujhte parchi na..!!.".They are always extremist~~ RED ya BLUE, nevr VIOLET evn for the sake of pleasin others.Ohhh ..Gawd...
I m pissed of by these characteristics of MEN.

MY BELOVED DAD: I do respect him and love him alot as my dad.I respect his moralities nd principals.But he never in his lyf tried to understand my mom~ thats where my grief lies.
He is too short tempered n aftr a hectic wen comes bak come, hardly anyone of us dare to face n talk to him properly.

MY SCHOOL, COLLEGE FRIENDS(boys): Well, they are like my oxygen.After colg m agn in well touch wid my old school pals due to my dear dear Moble.
But i really often dnt get dem. Why dey use so much of slangs, man
?????????????????~~ many of whose meaning are also unknown to dem evn.n spare me, it seems i hear new ones daily....
But they use those whether to call someone, in joy , in anger ,in frustration or in grief.By colg tym dose "asterisked " words are indispensible part of their souls...
I just hate it.

MY BROTHER:Perahaps he is a bit young for bringing under dis bias, for he is in VIII only.
But he do have the typical male characters profoundly in him, like dominating others n such.

MY LOVE: I used to love(still love),rather liked someone frm cls VII, widout any knowledge of him.But wen there was 'almost' no more hope n 7 yrs passed widout any sort of any contact,suddenly thru a social site i found him out.It deserves special mention, it was not an accident ,i intentionally n after much labour found him out frm the crowd.
well, He recognised me n gave his no. in his own will in 2nd chat onlyby himslf(I NEVR DID ASK FOR DAT)..!!!
wat next?????
well, perhaps u can guess , perhaps u not.
He proposed me widin 2 mnths, n obviously it was accepted frm my side.
He was,rather is n will be the only spcl onein my life ,but He had an Ex gf(Oooops, sorrry 1st love),whom he left .....Y??
Lack of patience.....[due to some reason communication gap took place but the girl nevr declared ki she dint love him]
Well, well ,well......i heard those, suffered frm acute insecurity complex(dats agn too typical of a girl rite?????), but he made me belif he wil nevr leave watevr happens.
I had the nicest moments of my life wid him.
but also the most fiery ,tearful n saddest days came for this relation.....Y?????
It Broke , rather we separated mutually, for avoiding BITTERNESS(But who on earth can avoid dat...!!!!!)
I take 99% of the charge on me for the break up.I strted feelin i m not suitable or responsible enuf to b in a relation, serious enuf like dat.
BUT 1%, wat about dat?????
Obviously his impatience....
Aftr our break his ex(oooops agn am sorry, His 1st love) is back as FRIEND only in his life, for whom n whose friends(4) he spends for movie tickets worth 180 bucks each...!!!!!

He now says he is "CONFUSED".
[ N.B: Not much questions n enquieries from this part will be welcome.].

SOME 'not-so' IMPORTANT GUYS: Well, these comprise those few guys ,who claim they know me very well, and can understand me very well (i dnt biliv dem though, as it is not at ol possible to understand someone fully) and are able to tackle the PSYCHO like me.
They say boldly n keep on saying they l#v# me...
But a bit of my curiosity ,about one them ,showed that he say that words of LoVe to quiet a number of girls....
[If i were not an engg. student , perhaps i wud become a detective].
When i said this to him(i m a very straightforward person) he said he just showed his "cOOlness" to those "babes".......wat to say??!!! i donno...
Now, this person is a bit angry on me me dese days , as i made him fall under d 'not-so' important category.Wel, onething........i liked dis guy quiet a much once upon a time , but aftr his other faces came out.........I donno wat 'exactly' i feel for or about hum...!!! He denies those n i agn have to become the incorrigibly confused gal n inept for dis earth.....
Another one is an online frnd who is diein to meet me, n has fallen in tremendous lOve wid me, widout seeing and knowin me.Wen i asked this guy "tum kab sudhroge???"...
His gallant reply "Kya tum kavi sudhar paoge???" .....
Well, impressive answer though ,i hate the concept of fallin in love wid online frnds, whom u hardly kno, hvnt seen or met evr..

cant continue any more now ,uffffff......
comments n post are always welcome.n i hope to add a few more topics to dis topic in next few days.
Its already too big, n it may elongate more, ...cant help , the topic is only like dat n my thoughts are nevr endin...!!!!!!
.....AFTER ALL WE THINK,THUS WE BLOG.....

gimme a diadem for writing such a long blog......